Barry has stayed with me. I've never really forgotten him. Dare I say I still miss him? I do. I still miss him. I see him in my dreams. Dreams that I'd rather call nightmares, but nightmares tinged with love. This I think is the strangeness of the human heart, my heart at least. I still cannot fathom how he could abandon me so quickly, without any sort of grief that would make him look back and see how we were and how he failed to see how we could still be. The pain is like a typhoon that ocassionaly wreaks havoc in my life...
Maaaring hindi ako ang unang nagsulat ng ibang mga bagay sa mga sumusunod na mmm (ano ba paragraphs sa Pilipino) pero sa wari ko, malaking bahagi ng laman ng mga sumusunod na pangungusap ay siyang sinasabi ng puso ko (*naks*). Basta. Masarap magmahal ng taong mahal ka din lalo na during the times na feeling niyo soulmates kayo. Ang mahirap nga lang ay kapag nagiging routine na at magkaiba yung tingin niyo sa sitwasyon, yung kapag nawala na ang "soulmate-like feeling" hindi na ba pagmamahal yun? Hindi na nagma-matter kung sa diwa mo, alam mo na sa lahat, wala na iba na sasakto. Mahirap din kung ma-tanga bigla ang isa sainyo at i-question kung ano ang meron kayo na wala man lang basehan. Kung baga, all evidences point to only love's side and yet one chooses to doubt and look at the other side. Kungsabagay UP ako. Non-conformist daw. Confused ka? Alam ko. Ako din e. Antok na kasi ako.
Sabi nila, ang pagmamahal, dumadating sa tamang panahon. Pero kelan nga ba ang tamang panahon? Mahalaga ata ang pagmumuni-muni para marealize mo na tamang panahon na. Marunong kaya ang lahat ng tao nun?
Minsan, sinisisi ko ang sarili ko kung bakit "ngayon ko lang" malalaman na mahal ko pala ang isang tao. Pero malay ko lang pala, ngayon ko lang nalaman kasi heto na ang "tamang panahon." Some people think of being in a relationship as "just to pass time" --fling or trip lang, yung mahal mo ngayon pero bukas hindi na. Girlfriend mo ngayon pero tanggap mo na isang araw, tatawagin mo din siyan "Ex" . Makatarungan ba 'yon? Iyong iba pa, matagal nga, inaabot ng taon. Isa? Dalawa? Tatlo? Pero pagnagkasawaan na, lagi nang nag-aaway. Or may oras na ng pagkikita. Ganun ba ang pagmamahal? May iba naman tumatagal lang dahil nanghihinayang sa pinagsamahan. Meron din namang tanga na kayang magpakamatay. Meron pang iba na pinipigilan yung nararamdaman kasi high school pa lang o di kaya teenager palang. Pinipigilan kasi gusto niyang maging sila nung taong itinatangi niya sa panahong seryosohan na. 'Yung sigurado na siya sa taong gusto niyang makasama sa panghabangbuhay kumbaga "tamang panahon." Pero kelan nga ba yun?
Sabi nila kung para sayo talaga siya, ilang taon man kayo hindi magkita, ilang tao man ang sabihin niyang minahal niya, gaano man siya kalayo o karami ng hadlang, magkikita pa rin kayo kung talagang para kayo sa isa't isa. Sabi din nila ang pag-ibig, kusang dumarating at hindi hinahanap. So kung totoo ang mga ito, bakit ganito tayo?
Gusto ko lang hiramin ang 'quote' na ito na made tusok-tusok my heart kasi reminded me of *secret*: "I dont care how many lips you have kissed. I don't care how many women you've embraced. I don't care how many ladies heard you say you love them . All I care about is the future...Not to be you're first but to be your last." Oo nga't nasabi na natin ito, not the exact words but the exact thoughts. Pero kaya pa kayang sabihin ulit and really mean it?
Habang buhay, may pag-asa.... Pasensiya na. Antok na ako. Tulog na tayo.
Sabi nila, ang pagmamahal, dumadating sa tamang panahon. Pero kelan nga ba ang tamang panahon? Mahalaga ata ang pagmumuni-muni para marealize mo na tamang panahon na. Marunong kaya ang lahat ng tao nun?
Minsan, sinisisi ko ang sarili ko kung bakit "ngayon ko lang" malalaman na mahal ko pala ang isang tao. Pero malay ko lang pala, ngayon ko lang nalaman kasi heto na ang "tamang panahon." Some people think of being in a relationship as "just to pass time" --fling or trip lang, yung mahal mo ngayon pero bukas hindi na. Girlfriend mo ngayon pero tanggap mo na isang araw, tatawagin mo din siyan "Ex" . Makatarungan ba 'yon? Iyong iba pa, matagal nga, inaabot ng taon. Isa? Dalawa? Tatlo? Pero pagnagkasawaan na, lagi nang nag-aaway. Or may oras na ng pagkikita. Ganun ba ang pagmamahal? May iba naman tumatagal lang dahil nanghihinayang sa pinagsamahan. Meron din namang tanga na kayang magpakamatay. Meron pang iba na pinipigilan yung nararamdaman kasi high school pa lang o di kaya teenager palang. Pinipigilan kasi gusto niyang maging sila nung taong itinatangi niya sa panahong seryosohan na. 'Yung sigurado na siya sa taong gusto niyang makasama sa panghabangbuhay kumbaga "tamang panahon." Pero kelan nga ba yun?
Sabi nila kung para sayo talaga siya, ilang taon man kayo hindi magkita, ilang tao man ang sabihin niyang minahal niya, gaano man siya kalayo o karami ng hadlang, magkikita pa rin kayo kung talagang para kayo sa isa't isa. Sabi din nila ang pag-ibig, kusang dumarating at hindi hinahanap. So kung totoo ang mga ito, bakit ganito tayo?
Gusto ko lang hiramin ang 'quote' na ito na made tusok-tusok my heart kasi reminded me of *secret*: "I dont care how many lips you have kissed. I don't care how many women you've embraced. I don't care how many ladies heard you say you love them . All I care about is the future...Not to be you're first but to be your last." Oo nga't nasabi na natin ito, not the exact words but the exact thoughts. Pero kaya pa kayang sabihin ulit and really mean it?
Habang buhay, may pag-asa.... Pasensiya na. Antok na ako. Tulog na tayo.
Hinga. Hawak. Dikit. Pikit. Dantay. Laway. Lingon. Lisan. Balik. Sabik. Lasap. Hirap. Pagod. Sunod?
Abangan.
Na-inspire ako sa Don't Think na survey. Heto naman yung mga magkakakabit na salita na magkatunog na naisip ko na pinakamadaling pagkwekwento siguro ng pag-ibig. Sa mundo man ni Jin Han hehehe. Tulad ng "Dantay, Laway", puro pangako lang pala ang mga binitiwan habang magkayakap.At sa bawat balik ng aking mata sa mga kataga, iba ibang bahagi ng sarili kong kwento ang naaalala ko. Ingenious na pagkwekwento. Feeling ko tuloy, ang henya ko.
Original ito ha. I-quote niyo ako paggagamitin niyo.
Abangan.
Na-inspire ako sa Don't Think na survey. Heto naman yung mga magkakakabit na salita na magkatunog na naisip ko na pinakamadaling pagkwekwento siguro ng pag-ibig. Sa mundo man ni Jin Han hehehe. Tulad ng "Dantay, Laway", puro pangako lang pala ang mga binitiwan habang magkayakap.At sa bawat balik ng aking mata sa mga kataga, iba ibang bahagi ng sarili kong kwento ang naaalala ko. Ingenious na pagkwekwento. Feeling ko tuloy, ang henya ko.
Original ito ha. I-quote niyo ako paggagamitin niyo.
AnG PaGmaMahaL duMadaTinG sa TaManG oRas At TamaNg paGkaKataOn..MinsaN SiniSiSi Pa NatiN anG saRiLi NaTin KuNg BaKiT NgaYon Mo LaNg NaLamaNg MahaL Mo Sya.. KunG aLam Mo LaNg... NgaYon Mo LanG Yon NaLaMan Kasi EtO YunG TiNataWag Na "TAMANG PANAHON"..
SoMe ThiNk Of LoVe As a PasT TimE..FLinG At TrIp LaNg..YunG MaHaL Nya NgayOn..BuKas HiNdi Na...BoYfriENd Nya NgaYon Pero TaNggaP Nya Na IsaNg aRaw TaTawaGin Nya din Yung "EX".. MataGal Nga,,inaAboT pa Ng taOn pErO ILaNg taoN??1? 2? 3? Tapos PaG
nagKakaSawaAn na NagAAyaWaN Na At MaY iBa NamaN Na NagTataGal LanG ng TaoN daHiL naNghihiNayaNg sa PinagsamaHan...BaTa Pa MasYado aNg ganoNg magmahaL...MaY iBa NaMaN Na MasYadOng SeryoSo At SenSiTiBo Pag DatIng Sa baGay Na yAn..YuNg TipO Ng TaoNg haNdaNg i-RisK AnG laHat..MagBigaY.. MagParaYa.. PaRaLaNg DoN sa TaoNg maHaL Nya.. MerOn PaNg Iba DyaN Na PiniPigiLaN YunG naRaRaNdaMaN Nya KasI HigH ScHoOL PaLaNg O Di Kaya TeEnAgER PaLaNg, GuSto Nya KasIng MaGiNg siLa NuNg taOng Yon Sa paNahoNg seryosoHan Na..YunG SiGuraDo Na Sya Na Yung TaoNg Yon Nga ang GuSto NyanG makaSama PaNghaBanG BuhaY..KumBaga "TAMANG PANAHON".. ThErE's This QuOTaTioN SaYinG: "i dont care how many lips u'vE kisd....i dont care how many women u've embraced.. i dont care how many ladies heard u say u love dem....ol i care about is d future... not to be u'r FIRST but to be u'r LAST".. MaSaRap MagmaHaL nG TaOng MahAL ka Din..YunG feELiNg Nyo SouLmaTes Kayo.. KAYA KUNG PARA SAYO TALAGA SIYA..ILANG TAON MAN KAYO DI MAGKITA.. ILANG TAO MAN ANG MAHALIN NIYA.. GAANO MAN SIYA KALAYO O MARMI MANG HADLANG.. MAGKIKITA PA RIN KAYO KUNG TALAGANG PARA KAYO SA ISA'T ISA... pAg-iBiG???...HinDi HinahaNap Yan..Kusa yAnG duMaRaTinG sa "TAMANG PANAHON"..
SoMe ThiNk Of LoVe As a PasT TimE..FLinG At TrIp LaNg..YunG MaHaL Nya NgayOn..BuKas HiNdi Na...BoYfriENd Nya NgaYon Pero TaNggaP Nya Na IsaNg aRaw TaTawaGin Nya din Yung "EX".. MataGal Nga,,inaAboT pa Ng taOn pErO ILaNg taoN??1? 2? 3? Tapos PaG
nagKakaSawaAn na NagAAyaWaN Na At MaY iBa NamaN Na NagTataGal LanG ng TaoN daHiL naNghihiNayaNg sa PinagsamaHan...BaTa Pa MasYado aNg ganoNg magmahaL...MaY iBa NaMaN Na MasYadOng SeryoSo At SenSiTiBo Pag DatIng Sa baGay Na yAn..YuNg TipO Ng TaoNg haNdaNg i-RisK AnG laHat..MagBigaY.. MagParaYa.. PaRaLaNg DoN sa TaoNg maHaL Nya.. MerOn PaNg Iba DyaN Na PiniPigiLaN YunG naRaRaNdaMaN Nya KasI HigH ScHoOL PaLaNg O Di Kaya TeEnAgER PaLaNg, GuSto Nya KasIng MaGiNg siLa NuNg taOng Yon Sa paNahoNg seryosoHan Na..YunG SiGuraDo Na Sya Na Yung TaoNg Yon Nga ang GuSto NyanG makaSama PaNghaBanG BuhaY..KumBaga "TAMANG PANAHON".. ThErE's This QuOTaTioN SaYinG: "i dont care how many lips u'vE kisd....i dont care how many women u've embraced.. i dont care how many ladies heard u say u love dem....ol i care about is d future... not to be u'r FIRST but to be u'r LAST".. MaSaRap MagmaHaL nG TaOng MahAL ka Din..YunG feELiNg Nyo SouLmaTes Kayo.. KAYA KUNG PARA SAYO TALAGA SIYA..ILANG TAON MAN KAYO DI MAGKITA.. ILANG TAO MAN ANG MAHALIN NIYA.. GAANO MAN SIYA KALAYO O MARMI MANG HADLANG.. MAGKIKITA PA RIN KAYO KUNG TALAGANG PARA KAYO SA ISA'T ISA... pAg-iBiG???...HinDi HinahaNap Yan..Kusa yAnG duMaRaTinG sa "TAMANG PANAHON"..
(Salamat sa nagtext kahit dika nagpapakilala. sobra akong natawa)
Paano maiparating ang masamang damdamin sa dating minamahal...
Kumuha ng pulang rosas sa dangwa mga alsa sinko ng umaga para mura...Bumili ng isang yosi sa bangketa...Maghanap ng piso sa kalsada..At isang basing tubig mula sa arinola...
Steps:
Sindihan ang yosi para cool tingnan hbang ginagawa ang pangkukulam...himayhimayin ang rosas na binili...ilatag sa mesa..Wala lang...ilalalatag mo lang pero ung ipinambalot ang gagamitin mo...kunin ang napulot na piso sa kalsada...Ilagay sa alkansya..Kunin ang ipinambalot ng bulaklak at ibulong ng malakas...Z-i-z-a-z-i-z-a padilla.. Ulitin ng tatlong beses...Kinabukasan ay lumabas ng bahay at puntahan ang dating minamahal...Paki sampal...
Paano maiparating ang masamang damdamin sa dating minamahal...
Kumuha ng pulang rosas sa dangwa mga alsa sinko ng umaga para mura...Bumili ng isang yosi sa bangketa...Maghanap ng piso sa kalsada..At isang basing tubig mula sa arinola...
Steps:
Sindihan ang yosi para cool tingnan hbang ginagawa ang pangkukulam...himayhimayin ang rosas na binili...ilatag sa mesa..Wala lang...ilalalatag mo lang pero ung ipinambalot ang gagamitin mo...kunin ang napulot na piso sa kalsada...Ilagay sa alkansya..Kunin ang ipinambalot ng bulaklak at ibulong ng malakas...Z-i-z-a-z-i-z-a padilla.. Ulitin ng tatlong beses...Kinabukasan ay lumabas ng bahay at puntahan ang dating minamahal...Paki sampal...
Song of Despair
by Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held him in my arms.
I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.
He loved me, sometimes I loved him too.
How could one not have loved his great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.
To hear immense night, still more immense without him.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep him.
The night is shattered and he is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
My sight searches for him as though to go with him.
My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.
The same night whitening the the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love him, that's certain, but how I loved him.
My voice tried to find the wind to tough his hearing.
Another's. He will be another's. Like my kisses before.
His voice. His bright body. His infinite eyes.
I no longer love him, that's certain, but maybe I love him.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held him in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for him.
by Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held him in my arms.
I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.
He loved me, sometimes I loved him too.
How could one not have loved his great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.
To hear immense night, still more immense without him.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep him.
The night is shattered and he is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
My sight searches for him as though to go with him.
My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.
The same night whitening the the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love him, that's certain, but how I loved him.
My voice tried to find the wind to tough his hearing.
Another's. He will be another's. Like my kisses before.
His voice. His bright body. His infinite eyes.
I no longer love him, that's certain, but maybe I love him.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held him in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for him.
If You Forget Me
by Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward the isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all the fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,]
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
by Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward the isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all the fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,]
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness; you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness. You can do a kind action when you are not feeling kind and when it gives you no pleasure, simply because kindness is right; but no one ever did a cruel action simply because cruelty was wrong—only because cruelty was pleasant or useful to him. In other words, badness cannot succeed even in being bad in the same way in which goodness is good. Goodness is, so to speak, itself; badness is only spoiled goodness.…Evil is a parasite, not an original thing.
-C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity
-C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity
As i sat there reading the words to myself, i couldn't help but weep... Tears flooded my face, silently. Sure I have found a new song to sing to (Cranberries' Linger) but will i ever find the courage to say "i love you, too" again?
The Bottom Line
You're at a very strong point, and this is an excellent time to cut out bad habits.
In Detail
Today you're entering a period of tremendous personal strength and self-discipline -- and all the bad forces in your life are running for cover! It's the perfect time to tackle any trouble spots you may have, so the time for procrastination is over. Better health, a bigger bank account, a more active social life ... these are all possible with a few nips and tucks in your life. You know exactly what to do. Not only is failure not an option today, it's not even a possibility!
Bakit kaya ganito? I'm being challenged by my sign! Shucks! Kasi add-na-add na daw ako ng na-delete sa YM hahaha
You're at a very strong point, and this is an excellent time to cut out bad habits.
In Detail
Today you're entering a period of tremendous personal strength and self-discipline -- and all the bad forces in your life are running for cover! It's the perfect time to tackle any trouble spots you may have, so the time for procrastination is over. Better health, a bigger bank account, a more active social life ... these are all possible with a few nips and tucks in your life. You know exactly what to do. Not only is failure not an option today, it's not even a possibility!
Bakit kaya ganito? I'm being challenged by my sign! Shucks! Kasi add-na-add na daw ako ng na-delete sa YM hahaha
I'm Moving On by Rascal Flatts
It's one of those songs with such a powerful message it can move anybody in any phase of life. If you're 12 and lost a parent, 36 and going through a separation, or 70 and losing somebody to cancer, you've got to face moving on. I know I do sometimes... and so I am facing it. -------------------------------------------------------------
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin on I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I, have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
It's one of those songs with such a powerful message it can move anybody in any phase of life. If you're 12 and lost a parent, 36 and going through a separation, or 70 and losing somebody to cancer, you've got to face moving on. I know I do sometimes... and so I am facing it. -------------------------------------------------------------
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin on I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I, have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
(After several weeks i finally finished this!)
I visited my "mommy amy's" blog and i did ask for this. She gave me "H" to write about. I have to think of 10 words that start with this letter and write what each word means to me.
"The Instructions: Comment, and I shall give you a letter. Go back to your journal, and write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation of what those words means to you and why."
1. HEAD. I have always claimed to be a "head" person, one who believes that it it should always be above the heart. I probably didn't follow my own advise that's why I got a broken heart.
2. HEART. This is my heart and it's broken. Can you feel it? I haven't seen the Dead Man's Chest but from what I gather, this certain character fell in love and had to keep his heart in this chest to keep him from feeling the pain. If I can do the same I would. It's difficult to function when your heart hurts like hell and you don't want the world to know about it because you believe there are other people in worse situations than you (like people in Zimbabwe, the country ranked as the least happy). But then again it's my heart and it's broken.
3. HAPPINESS. It is a feeling that comes with the right attitude towards situations.
4. HEARTBREAK. As a kid, I would always choose to be punished physically like kneeling on rock salt facing the wall or something over hearing curses or damnation to a life i do not like. So yes, I'm not a big fan of emotional suffering. And yes, I was not spared from heartbreaks. My heart broke as I was looking at and waving goodbye to our first pet dog being led away by this guy with his head low (he probably knew we were never going to see each other). My heart broke when my mom went to Australia to work and I was left figuring out how to be the ate/mom/dad (which probably started my slasher career). My heart broke every time I saw my parents fight back then. My heart broke when my lola died. And my heart broke (really bad. into smitherins) and breaks everytime I think about unfulfilled promises and not being with this person I truly, truly like.
5. HEARTACHE. My vocabulary suddenly became so limited. So okay. This word is pain with a capital P. And if every one who has ever gone through this or has heard of what it does to persons with low EQ will think a million times before doing something that will cause a fellow human being to experience the same, then the world would be a better place to live in.
6. HELP. No one is too rich, too anything, not to need any help from anybody. I need help.
7. HOLIDAY. Sometimes, holidays need "surviving." I've been through holidays where I was surrounded by many people but felt really lonely. Or sometimes, the preparation stresses everyone that holidays turn into a bunch of chores.
8. HOME. I work in a home and lifestyle magazine. I know that home-making, literally and figuratively, is not easy.
9. HEALTHY. I try to live healthy, in my own standards :) I don't eat breakfast but I drink coffee. I am exposed to secondhand smoking and Manila's air pollution but I don't smoke (although I know how to). I try to take care of my heart so I drink beer :) I want to live long enough and healthy enough to tend a garden when I'm already a grandparent.
10.HEAVEN. Is where I want to end up so I try to be "good" even if being nice/good is not always easy. I know I can be mataray but I am not wicked. I am very forgiving. My anger is good for two minutes (which sucks by the way because I can't hate people I know I have to hate). So there....
I visited my "mommy amy's" blog and i did ask for this. She gave me "H" to write about. I have to think of 10 words that start with this letter and write what each word means to me.
"The Instructions: Comment, and I shall give you a letter. Go back to your journal, and write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation of what those words means to you and why."
1. HEAD. I have always claimed to be a "head" person, one who believes that it it should always be above the heart. I probably didn't follow my own advise that's why I got a broken heart.
2. HEART. This is my heart and it's broken. Can you feel it? I haven't seen the Dead Man's Chest but from what I gather, this certain character fell in love and had to keep his heart in this chest to keep him from feeling the pain. If I can do the same I would. It's difficult to function when your heart hurts like hell and you don't want the world to know about it because you believe there are other people in worse situations than you (like people in Zimbabwe, the country ranked as the least happy). But then again it's my heart and it's broken.
3. HAPPINESS. It is a feeling that comes with the right attitude towards situations.
4. HEARTBREAK. As a kid, I would always choose to be punished physically like kneeling on rock salt facing the wall or something over hearing curses or damnation to a life i do not like. So yes, I'm not a big fan of emotional suffering. And yes, I was not spared from heartbreaks. My heart broke as I was looking at and waving goodbye to our first pet dog being led away by this guy with his head low (he probably knew we were never going to see each other). My heart broke when my mom went to Australia to work and I was left figuring out how to be the ate/mom/dad (which probably started my slasher career). My heart broke every time I saw my parents fight back then. My heart broke when my lola died. And my heart broke (really bad. into smitherins) and breaks everytime I think about unfulfilled promises and not being with this person I truly, truly like.
5. HEARTACHE. My vocabulary suddenly became so limited. So okay. This word is pain with a capital P. And if every one who has ever gone through this or has heard of what it does to persons with low EQ will think a million times before doing something that will cause a fellow human being to experience the same, then the world would be a better place to live in.
6. HELP. No one is too rich, too anything, not to need any help from anybody. I need help.
7. HOLIDAY. Sometimes, holidays need "surviving." I've been through holidays where I was surrounded by many people but felt really lonely. Or sometimes, the preparation stresses everyone that holidays turn into a bunch of chores.
8. HOME. I work in a home and lifestyle magazine. I know that home-making, literally and figuratively, is not easy.
9. HEALTHY. I try to live healthy, in my own standards :) I don't eat breakfast but I drink coffee. I am exposed to secondhand smoking and Manila's air pollution but I don't smoke (although I know how to). I try to take care of my heart so I drink beer :) I want to live long enough and healthy enough to tend a garden when I'm already a grandparent.
10.HEAVEN. Is where I want to end up so I try to be "good" even if being nice/good is not always easy. I know I can be mataray but I am not wicked. I am very forgiving. My anger is good for two minutes (which sucks by the way because I can't hate people I know I have to hate). So there....
Ang dami kong kwento. Andyan ung interview kay Joey Albert, landscaping ng garden ni Ai-ai DLA, ...pero syempre dahil pagod na ako, hindi ko na makwekwento lahat. Heto kelangan kong isulat. In the words of hazel "you chose not to be with me. panindigan mo." Nasabi ko na din yun. "The only reason why he is being nice to you because he wants to ease his guilt." May point nga naman. Ganun nga kaya? Syempre hindi ko muna malalaman. At meron pa pala. Dami ko na-meet ngayon. Isa na dun si Tina, owner ng isang shop sa independent lifestyles sa Rockwell (sale dun ngayon at dun ako nagpakapagod umikot with haze habang nagbabantay sa tindahan nila). She was preggy and she looked really nice. August daw siya due. Baby boy daw. Wala lang. Ang cute niya kasing buntis.
Dami words of wisdom ni haze ngayon. although, magkaiba kami ng personality at paniniwala, parang gusto ko na pareho na lang niya ako. Siya mas minahal niya pet cat niya kesa sa ex niya. Tapos, nasustain niya galit niya. Ang hirap nga kasi i was raised to be forgiving. More importantly, sabi niya sakin "hindi ka na naaalala nun. wag mo na isipin. Si *toot*log na iniisip nun" Pwet niya. Wala na siya mahahanap na katulad ko. Complicated man ako minsan, pagnagmahal ako, mahal ko. Buongbuo. Hindi lang puro pagpapacute.
Kaya magiging tycoon na lang ako kahit hindi ako instik. It is written in the stars and Twenty can attest to it. At ikaw na di alam na may blog ako, wag naman masyado ang mga tanong. Syempre pagtinanong mo ako kung ano sasabihin ko pagniyaya mo ako pakasal e di syempre sagot ko dun "duh" Labo mo teng. Hindi man lang leading yung questions mo. Nakakainis kasi walang sense. Pero sige lang. Patatawarin. Heto yung ayaw kong daanan pero dahil kelangan na, sige dadaanan. Sinabi ko na magpadala ng bulaklak sa office, gusto pa siya mismo magdadala. May balak pa magkunyaring delivery boy. ang corny. hindi ko pa naman hinihingi yung "humiliate yourself." Pagmahaba na buhok ko at lasengga na ako ulit, sige, hihingin ko din yun. Pero hindi lang ganun. sana naman matapos na itong kaguluhan na ito sa mundo ko. gusto ko lang ng peace and quiet.
Dami words of wisdom ni haze ngayon. although, magkaiba kami ng personality at paniniwala, parang gusto ko na pareho na lang niya ako. Siya mas minahal niya pet cat niya kesa sa ex niya. Tapos, nasustain niya galit niya. Ang hirap nga kasi i was raised to be forgiving. More importantly, sabi niya sakin "hindi ka na naaalala nun. wag mo na isipin. Si *toot*log na iniisip nun" Pwet niya. Wala na siya mahahanap na katulad ko. Complicated man ako minsan, pagnagmahal ako, mahal ko. Buongbuo. Hindi lang puro pagpapacute.
Kaya magiging tycoon na lang ako kahit hindi ako instik. It is written in the stars and Twenty can attest to it. At ikaw na di alam na may blog ako, wag naman masyado ang mga tanong. Syempre pagtinanong mo ako kung ano sasabihin ko pagniyaya mo ako pakasal e di syempre sagot ko dun "duh" Labo mo teng. Hindi man lang leading yung questions mo. Nakakainis kasi walang sense. Pero sige lang. Patatawarin. Heto yung ayaw kong daanan pero dahil kelangan na, sige dadaanan. Sinabi ko na magpadala ng bulaklak sa office, gusto pa siya mismo magdadala. May balak pa magkunyaring delivery boy. ang corny. hindi ko pa naman hinihingi yung "humiliate yourself." Pagmahaba na buhok ko at lasengga na ako ulit, sige, hihingin ko din yun. Pero hindi lang ganun. sana naman matapos na itong kaguluhan na ito sa mundo ko. gusto ko lang ng peace and quiet.
Six degrees of separation makes this world really small. I never really realized this until a few days ago when I fould out you were the schoolmate of a good friend, Love. I felt the value of honesty and not fooling around more than ever. Not having secrets make life less complicated. You're messing your life. And even if I hate seeing you this way, it's a price you have to pay now than later. Think. Ponder. Be really mindful of things you have to figure out that you keep putting off. It's really simpler than what you think.
Got to keep myself busy. It's a long weekend for us. No work on Monday. Got to keep busy. Got to keep busy. I need the "WORK" fairy!
Got to keep myself busy. It's a long weekend for us. No work on Monday. Got to keep busy. Got to keep busy. I need the "WORK" fairy!
Alam ko na kung sino. Everything fell into place. The author of the May/June Itinerary as reflected in the excel file. The "hindi ka pde matulog sa house nila", the chinita description, the "Learn to drive with a PRO," the description of she being "childish," the "last log in"... At ngayon, limited na ang access sa profile niya. napagsabihan na ba? hahaha Ang sama ko. Ay hindi, ang sama ni ahem. Ang di ko na lang malagay sa puzzle ay kung paano mo dinaanan yung iba mong stuff e mejo malayo ang bahay niya sa airport. O baka naman nakiiwan ka lang kay A na galit sa akin? Hahaha At saka ineng, hindi naman talaga adobo paborito niyan. magaling ka ba magluto ng adobo? tsaka masama sa kanya ang manok. makinig ka sa akin. ate mo ako.
Just for fun, checked if they make a good match. I'm sorry lang but her romantic match is Libra. Kahit na sa lust match, Cancer at hind sign ni ahem. So pano ba yan, 56 days to go for you? Ganito pala magpigil ng feelings. Nakaka-inspire magsulat sa blog araw-araw.
hay. buti na lang hindi ako childish. childlike lang hehehe. I'm probably in the wrong profession. baka dapat spy ako hahahaha. or taga-analyze ng signs. Ang masasabi ko lang, shit ka. paghindi kayo nagkatuluyan at babalikbalik ka sa akin, pahihirapan kita. Gagawin mo lahat ng ginawa ni Cyrus kay Sam Soon.
Just for fun, checked if they make a good match. I'm sorry lang but her romantic match is Libra. Kahit na sa lust match, Cancer at hind sign ni ahem. So pano ba yan, 56 days to go for you? Ganito pala magpigil ng feelings. Nakaka-inspire magsulat sa blog araw-araw.
hay. buti na lang hindi ako childish. childlike lang hehehe. I'm probably in the wrong profession. baka dapat spy ako hahahaha. or taga-analyze ng signs. Ang masasabi ko lang, shit ka. paghindi kayo nagkatuluyan at babalikbalik ka sa akin, pahihirapan kita. Gagawin mo lahat ng ginawa ni Cyrus kay Sam Soon.
She asked for my birth date, time and place of birth. Here is what she sent me after.
Your Moon Nakshatra is Revati
Revati means the wealthy.
The symbol of Revati is a fish. Revati is ruled by Mercury, which shows a humane and even course through life will feel appropriate. Communication, playfulness, and fairness will be important to you.
Mythologically, Pushan, the Sun as a nourisher, is the presiding deity here. Pushan is the divine shepherd. He leads the flocks and herds home safely after a long journey. His protective influence presides through these last degrees of the Zodiac, providing shelter for the weary soul wishing to return home or simply rest. Fertility, growth, and generosity of all sorts are the domain of Revati. There are many blessings and rewards here for having stayed the course and completed the journey. Among those blessings are wealth and success in all endeavors. Revati is perhaps the most selfless of all the star groups. A love of animals and helpless creatures of all sorts is also seen here. A mystical mind that appreciates the value of self-sacrifice is pervasive here.
Strengths: You have a highly creative mind and the desire to use it for the good of all. You are protective of others and willing to help those in need. You have good luck in business and all moneymaking pursuits. Your sincere efforts will be rewarded due to good past life merit and generosity in this lifetime. You prioritize connections to family and community.
Shadow issues: You may be self-sacrificial to the point of masochism at times and grow to resent others for it. This painful crisis will undermine your natural desire to give selflessly. Self-destructive behavior through indulgence and escapism is possible. You may be prone to misdirection and wandering if depression and cynicism take hold.
Naaliw ako dito ha.
Your Moon Nakshatra is Revati
Revati means the wealthy.
The symbol of Revati is a fish. Revati is ruled by Mercury, which shows a humane and even course through life will feel appropriate. Communication, playfulness, and fairness will be important to you.
Mythologically, Pushan, the Sun as a nourisher, is the presiding deity here. Pushan is the divine shepherd. He leads the flocks and herds home safely after a long journey. His protective influence presides through these last degrees of the Zodiac, providing shelter for the weary soul wishing to return home or simply rest. Fertility, growth, and generosity of all sorts are the domain of Revati. There are many blessings and rewards here for having stayed the course and completed the journey. Among those blessings are wealth and success in all endeavors. Revati is perhaps the most selfless of all the star groups. A love of animals and helpless creatures of all sorts is also seen here. A mystical mind that appreciates the value of self-sacrifice is pervasive here.
Strengths: You have a highly creative mind and the desire to use it for the good of all. You are protective of others and willing to help those in need. You have good luck in business and all moneymaking pursuits. Your sincere efforts will be rewarded due to good past life merit and generosity in this lifetime. You prioritize connections to family and community.
Shadow issues: You may be self-sacrificial to the point of masochism at times and grow to resent others for it. This painful crisis will undermine your natural desire to give selflessly. Self-destructive behavior through indulgence and escapism is possible. You may be prone to misdirection and wandering if depression and cynicism take hold.
Naaliw ako dito ha.
The Hebrew Talmud says "Be careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior than, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved."
I went to my first ever wh-ite party last night after watching bands play at the anniversary party of Meg. It was a very different landscape. There were a lot of gays and swingers. A lot of skin (and some were even flashing "hair" down there). If there were people who were homophobic last night, they would have probably killed themselves before they could even get out of the thick crowd. It was too thick that someone I met there lost his phone (probably while intimately dancing with my good friend). But somehow, I felt safe in their midst. I felt tame, almost like a saint with all the wild kids throwing "come hither" looks and grinding their bodies against each other, some even grabbing each other there and then.
I was amused but felt really lonely. Can I last 60 days?
I was amused but felt really lonely. Can I last 60 days?
We both don't know what will happen. But we can only control ourselves. There are gifts God gave us: choice and free will. How we use them make all the difference.
I look forward to the day when i will be able to see him differently. probably, someone so insubstantial, so meaningless, so frail...see him as someone who feeds off girl's admiration in an attempt to make himslef bigger than he actually is. But in the meantime, i will keep to being a woman, a masochist. One who loses all sense of what is reasonable pain for fear of being judged of not being understanding enough. Or just having the pride of not quitting when the going got tough. Continue to believe--that things will change, by staying long enough. Or that I have not done enough.
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (read a book that quoted this book)
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I peretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
I wonder how long it will take me to get to stage 4. I keep on shuffling between stages 2 and 3. it's madness and it's exhausting.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I peretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
I wonder how long it will take me to get to stage 4. I keep on shuffling between stages 2 and 3. it's madness and it's exhausting.
Why is it that difficult to move on and forget? In my case, it was just 8 months, officially. Come to think of it, there were both good times and bad that things should even out by now.
"Parang kang yung kuya ko, 6 months na sila hiwalay ng girlfriend niya pero hanggang ngayon laging may depressed...gutom ako tsaka depressed...parang gago."
On my way home, I got to thinking again. Got to talk to myself about why I'm making it hard for myself to let go. Sure there were bad times (late again. cannot be reached. can't go there, I got work to do. ) but I saw them as mere moments. No matter where I was, whatever I was doing, whatever I was praying for, whatever I was planning for, you were part of them all. Every laugh, every talk, every movie, every dinner, every problem shared, every little thing-- I saw all of them as things we would be doing together for the rest of our lives. That's why it is difficult... It was not just 8 months of my life. I lost a lifetime.
"Don't let the lessons you learned from past love rule your future love" or Twenty's favorite "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" are the worst words people can say to me now. You came to me. I did not go to you. I was just standing there. Why did you have to run me over and leave me to die?
I have heard about people like you. You told me you are capable of this. I should have know better. How stupid for me to think I was the exception when I was part of the RULES? Sana may time space warp para makapunta ako sa panahon na hindi na ako nalulungkot, na tanggap ko na na patay na talaga at hindi lang naka-coma. Go to the time when I will no longer hope and just pull the plug to end it all. Euthanasia. Tama kaya 'yun?
"Parang kang yung kuya ko, 6 months na sila hiwalay ng girlfriend niya pero hanggang ngayon laging may depressed...gutom ako tsaka depressed...parang gago."
On my way home, I got to thinking again. Got to talk to myself about why I'm making it hard for myself to let go. Sure there were bad times (late again. cannot be reached. can't go there, I got work to do. ) but I saw them as mere moments. No matter where I was, whatever I was doing, whatever I was praying for, whatever I was planning for, you were part of them all. Every laugh, every talk, every movie, every dinner, every problem shared, every little thing-- I saw all of them as things we would be doing together for the rest of our lives. That's why it is difficult... It was not just 8 months of my life. I lost a lifetime.
"Don't let the lessons you learned from past love rule your future love" or Twenty's favorite "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" are the worst words people can say to me now. You came to me. I did not go to you. I was just standing there. Why did you have to run me over and leave me to die?
I have heard about people like you. You told me you are capable of this. I should have know better. How stupid for me to think I was the exception when I was part of the RULES? Sana may time space warp para makapunta ako sa panahon na hindi na ako nalulungkot, na tanggap ko na na patay na talaga at hindi lang naka-coma. Go to the time when I will no longer hope and just pull the plug to end it all. Euthanasia. Tama kaya 'yun?
It was the end of the month. Had nothing much to do at the office. Magkikita daw kami for lunch. While waiting for 12:30, umiikotikot ako sa SM Megamall. Syempre, napabili ako ng sapatos. Kulang pa ng Php50. Cge, pwede na dn nga ung straps. Salamat sa GC. We met near the ice skating rink sa may bench. Lumabas pa kami papuntang Italianni's. Hehehe. Mejo nalito ako dun a. We had lunch. Masarap ung bottomless lemonade. Concentrate daw un e. Seafood with vegetables siya at angel hair pomodoro sakin. I brought half of the angel hair pomodoro sa office dahil di ko naubos. Binigay ko kay hazel. Masarap daw.
Moving on. My dear from Oman texted me he was going to bring a package to someone sa S-u-mmit. I met him sa may Barrio Fiesta sa 4/f. he was seated sa bench outside holding a red package filled with magazines. andun ung cover si eula. di niya daw type kasi momma na. Bumaba kami sa basement. Naglaro sa WOF ng basketball at crisis alert ba yun. Ung may baril. Masaya pala un. Nakaka-relieve ng stress. tapos, nagkape kami sa starbucks sa taas. Cafe Mocha at cappuccino habang nagbabasa siya ng showbiz magazine at ako, "He's just not that into you." We made a funny pair. Minsanminsan, mag-uusap kami about anything except about us. MOcha-tall=P110. Cappuccino-tall=P95. Moment= priceless. Hanggang ganito na lang ata ako. Pa-moment moment na lang.
Invited him sa Manual anniversary party. Tapos na when he arrived. Nakalabas na nga ako sa venue when he called e. anyway. I know na he is consistently late. Kahit kanino. Kapatid man, kaibigan o ano pa. Is the book helping me? Yes. It's able to help me in passing time.
Moving on. My dear from Oman texted me he was going to bring a package to someone sa S-u-mmit. I met him sa may Barrio Fiesta sa 4/f. he was seated sa bench outside holding a red package filled with magazines. andun ung cover si eula. di niya daw type kasi momma na. Bumaba kami sa basement. Naglaro sa WOF ng basketball at crisis alert ba yun. Ung may baril. Masaya pala un. Nakaka-relieve ng stress. tapos, nagkape kami sa starbucks sa taas. Cafe Mocha at cappuccino habang nagbabasa siya ng showbiz magazine at ako, "He's just not that into you." We made a funny pair. Minsanminsan, mag-uusap kami about anything except about us. MOcha-tall=P110. Cappuccino-tall=P95. Moment= priceless. Hanggang ganito na lang ata ako. Pa-moment moment na lang.
Invited him sa Manual anniversary party. Tapos na when he arrived. Nakalabas na nga ako sa venue when he called e. anyway. I know na he is consistently late. Kahit kanino. Kapatid man, kaibigan o ano pa. Is the book helping me? Yes. It's able to help me in passing time.
Kelangan ko na ng bagong computer chair. Sa sobrang bigat ng mga kapatid ko, lumusot na ung pipe sa ilalim so kumakaskas sya sa wooden floor. ang pangit tuloy ng floor. naiinis ako. tapos kanina, iniwan ung massage oil bottle sa floor e di pala sinara ng maayos. kaya ayun kalahati na kasi natapon slowly. nakakainis. tapos ang taas pa ng kuryente namin. e ako naman nagbabayad. bakit pa ba kasi nauso yang RPG na yan? naiinis na talaga ako.
Tapos na ako maglaba ng mga damit ko. Bukas ko na lang lalabhan damit ng kapatid ko. Mga Kapatid pala kasi dalawa sila.Washing machine naman un e. Mabigat kasi e. Sisingilin ko na lang sya ng fee para sa kuryente at effort. Ayoko na maglinis ng bahay. pagod na ako. At hello, di lang naman ako nakatira dito. bakit kelangan lagi ako? may mga hugasan pa sa sink. shet. masakit na kamay ko. hirap maging chimay na walang bayad. mag-isa na naman ako sa bahay. nasa tapat na naman ako ng PC. dapat may sinusulat akong raket pero wala pa ako sa mood. ano ba ito...lagi ko na lang pinu-put off ang pagsusulat nun. siguro kasi di pa ako nakakapagupit. magpakulay kaya ako ng buhok?
heto. kilala niyo ba ito? magkikita kami nito within this week. siguro mamaya. sana di niya binabasa blog ko di ba? makikita nya sarili nya dito. sana singer na lang sya ng isang band. or star sa isang koreanovela. para hanggang dun na lang.
Kamusta na kaya ang mga nasa picture na ito? Miss ko na ung mga days na nanood tayo sa laptop ng Lovers in Paris sa office. Nakatalikod pa PC sa rest of the world un pala nakikita sa reflection sa glass cabinet sa likod. hahaha
Sana, makaalis na ako ng pinas for good. sana makalimutan ko na lahat ng inis at miss na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Tapos na ako maglaba ng mga damit ko. Bukas ko na lang lalabhan damit ng kapatid ko. Mga Kapatid pala kasi dalawa sila.Washing machine naman un e. Mabigat kasi e. Sisingilin ko na lang sya ng fee para sa kuryente at effort. Ayoko na maglinis ng bahay. pagod na ako. At hello, di lang naman ako nakatira dito. bakit kelangan lagi ako? may mga hugasan pa sa sink. shet. masakit na kamay ko. hirap maging chimay na walang bayad. mag-isa na naman ako sa bahay. nasa tapat na naman ako ng PC. dapat may sinusulat akong raket pero wala pa ako sa mood. ano ba ito...lagi ko na lang pinu-put off ang pagsusulat nun. siguro kasi di pa ako nakakapagupit. magpakulay kaya ako ng buhok?
heto. kilala niyo ba ito? magkikita kami nito within this week. siguro mamaya. sana di niya binabasa blog ko di ba? makikita nya sarili nya dito. sana singer na lang sya ng isang band. or star sa isang koreanovela. para hanggang dun na lang. Kamusta na kaya ang mga nasa picture na ito? Miss ko na ung mga days na nanood tayo sa laptop ng Lovers in Paris sa office. Nakatalikod pa PC sa rest of the world un pala nakikita sa reflection sa glass cabinet sa likod. hahahaSana, makaalis na ako ng pinas for good. sana makalimutan ko na lahat ng inis at miss na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
If I could ask for a special gift, it would be reading people's minds. It is very difficult to figure out what someone is saying. Should I take it as it is, or does it mean something else? Is it a double-edged sword or just an icepick statement? I really do not like the fact that some people can cause confusion with words not backed with actions or actions that are opposite to what they say. Life is complicated as it is. i see no point why we should make it more complicated by confusing ourselves with decisions that are half-meant. As i've always believed, there is no right or wrong choices. You make a choice and you make it right. Because you can't turn back time, what's done is done.
Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya lahat. Maging mas madali ang life. Bakit ang hirap? Lahat naman tayo may karapatan sa happiness.
Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya lahat. Maging mas madali ang life. Bakit ang hirap? Lahat naman tayo may karapatan sa happiness.
I am posting this because i like it very much. Walang pakialamanan. Blogspot ko ito hehehe
People Make Financial Goals, Business Goals, Health Goals… But What Are We Desperately Missing?
By Bo Sanchez
I was like a five-year old boy about to rip open a huge birthday gift. That’s how I felt the eve of January 1.
Why? Before 2005 ended, I sat down and wrote my 2006 Goals in seven areas of my life: (1) Spiritual, (2) Family, (3) Work, (4) Service, (5) Emotional-Physical, (6) Financial, and (7) Intellectual.
It was exhilarating!
I wrote down simple goals like the amount of water I will drink each day (eight to ten glasses), the exercises I will do (muscle toning through chin ups), the profits I will earn through my various micro-businesses (I won’t tell you!), and the expansion of our ministry of sharing God’s love to as many people as possible (we’ll bless millions of people!)
But there was one goal that made my heart leap like a gazelle. I wrote down that in 2006, “I will bond with my eldest son even more.”
Boy, just writing it down here makes me feel powerful and warm and ecstatic all over again.
My son is six years old, and I felt that I should spend more time with him.
So I wrote down under my Family Goals, “Have a weekly date with Bene.”
I then got my calendar and plotted our weekly dates for the entire year — all 52 of them. I also wrote down the possible things we can do together: go to a mall, camp at our backyard, visit an ice cream factory, distribute leaflets house-to-house for his bangus business (Yes, he has a business), or just bike around the village…
Our first date happened in a very unexpected way.
I went home excited, mentally planning our trip to the mall.
As I stepped down of the car, my phone rang.
“Bo, are you already at the wedding?” my friend asked me.
“What wedding?”
“The wedding of Amina…”
Wham. It was like being hit by a bat on the head. I totally forgot about the wedding! How do I explain to Bene?
When I entered the house, I greeted him and said, “I’ve got a problem about our date.…” I told him about the wedding. That was when my wife said, “Son, can you go with Daddy to the wedding? That’ll be your date.” (Thank God for my wise wife.)
In a few minutes, my son and I were riding the car in our matching barong tagalogs. It turned out that we were early for the wedding, so we walked to a coffee shop beside the church, and talked and laughed together as he ate his favorite cinnamon roll.
The wedding was superb! It was also a wonderful time for me to give mini-lectures to my little pupil — in whispers at the back pew — on marriage, family, state of life and love.
After the wedding, the reception was at the exclusive Polo Club.
While waiting for the dinner to begin, we had a phenomenal time sitting down on the grass (yes, still in our barongs) under the canopy of stars — and chatted the night away.
“I don’t want to be a cowboy anymore, Daddy,” he said.
“No more?” This was a shock to me. It had been his declared dream ever since he was two. In fact, his first word wasn’t “mama.” It was “horse.” (I’m not kidding.)
He piped up, “I don’t want to be a cowboy anymore. I just want to ride horses for pleasure.”
“Okay. What do you want to be?”
“A businessman.” (Six-year-old kids have a way of declaring their dreams as if they’re as sure as the planet is round. I wonder what age do we lose that confidence?)
“That’s great. You can own a ranch. How many horses do you want to own?”
“About ten,” he grinned.
“How will you earn to maintain the ranch?” I asked. “
"Kids can ride my horses for P20 each…”
“Uh… isn’t that a bit too cheap?”
“They can also feed my rabbits if they pay something. And I’ll sell my customers snacks and have a restaurant in my ranch.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“My ranch will also have an imaginary forest.”
“A what?”
“An imaginary forest. Parents will be afraid if their kids go to a real forest with real animals. So I’ll make an imaginary forest with robotic animals — even some legendary creatures like dinosaurs, unicorns, mermaids,...”
“Mermaids?”
“Yes, because there’ll be a lake in my ranch. With a shipwreck. Kids can also visit the shipwreck.”
After planning for his future, we got our plates and stood in front of the buffet table for the entire evening. Because the food was so fabulous, we didn’t bother to sit down. That night, he ate seven sticks of barbecue and I gobbled up 50% of the European cheeses there. (Sorry, Amina and Rafael. But I loved your wedding. Please invite us again for your tenth anniversary.)
In other words, my first date with Bene for 2006 was a ball.
If I didn’t have a weekly date with him, how would I know about his dreams? I would have missed hearing that he didn’t want to be a cowboy anymore, that he wanted an imaginary forest, robotic animals, a lake and a shipwreck for kids to visit and have fun…
I was even more convinced about my family goals when I read the frightening statistics from David Perdew about “fatherless kids.” According to statistics, children from a fatherless home are:
* Five times more likely to commit suicide.
* Thirty-two times more likely to run away.
* Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
* Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys).
* Nine times more likely to drop out of high school.
* Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
* Nine times more likely to end up in a charitable institution.
* Twenty times more likely to end up in prison for a long period of time.
Fathers, your kids need you.
David Perdew says we either pay now or pay later.
And when you pay later, it always costs more.
I suggest you pay now.
Have a fantastic 2006 — especially with your family.
People Make Financial Goals, Business Goals, Health Goals… But What Are We Desperately Missing?
By Bo Sanchez
I was like a five-year old boy about to rip open a huge birthday gift. That’s how I felt the eve of January 1.
Why? Before 2005 ended, I sat down and wrote my 2006 Goals in seven areas of my life: (1) Spiritual, (2) Family, (3) Work, (4) Service, (5) Emotional-Physical, (6) Financial, and (7) Intellectual.
It was exhilarating!
I wrote down simple goals like the amount of water I will drink each day (eight to ten glasses), the exercises I will do (muscle toning through chin ups), the profits I will earn through my various micro-businesses (I won’t tell you!), and the expansion of our ministry of sharing God’s love to as many people as possible (we’ll bless millions of people!)
But there was one goal that made my heart leap like a gazelle. I wrote down that in 2006, “I will bond with my eldest son even more.”
Boy, just writing it down here makes me feel powerful and warm and ecstatic all over again.
My son is six years old, and I felt that I should spend more time with him.
So I wrote down under my Family Goals, “Have a weekly date with Bene.”
I then got my calendar and plotted our weekly dates for the entire year — all 52 of them. I also wrote down the possible things we can do together: go to a mall, camp at our backyard, visit an ice cream factory, distribute leaflets house-to-house for his bangus business (Yes, he has a business), or just bike around the village…
Our first date happened in a very unexpected way.
I went home excited, mentally planning our trip to the mall.
As I stepped down of the car, my phone rang.
“Bo, are you already at the wedding?” my friend asked me.
“What wedding?”
“The wedding of Amina…”
Wham. It was like being hit by a bat on the head. I totally forgot about the wedding! How do I explain to Bene?
When I entered the house, I greeted him and said, “I’ve got a problem about our date.…” I told him about the wedding. That was when my wife said, “Son, can you go with Daddy to the wedding? That’ll be your date.” (Thank God for my wise wife.)
In a few minutes, my son and I were riding the car in our matching barong tagalogs. It turned out that we were early for the wedding, so we walked to a coffee shop beside the church, and talked and laughed together as he ate his favorite cinnamon roll.
The wedding was superb! It was also a wonderful time for me to give mini-lectures to my little pupil — in whispers at the back pew — on marriage, family, state of life and love.
After the wedding, the reception was at the exclusive Polo Club.
While waiting for the dinner to begin, we had a phenomenal time sitting down on the grass (yes, still in our barongs) under the canopy of stars — and chatted the night away.
“I don’t want to be a cowboy anymore, Daddy,” he said.
“No more?” This was a shock to me. It had been his declared dream ever since he was two. In fact, his first word wasn’t “mama.” It was “horse.” (I’m not kidding.)
He piped up, “I don’t want to be a cowboy anymore. I just want to ride horses for pleasure.”
“Okay. What do you want to be?”
“A businessman.” (Six-year-old kids have a way of declaring their dreams as if they’re as sure as the planet is round. I wonder what age do we lose that confidence?)
“That’s great. You can own a ranch. How many horses do you want to own?”
“About ten,” he grinned.
“How will you earn to maintain the ranch?” I asked. “
"Kids can ride my horses for P20 each…”
“Uh… isn’t that a bit too cheap?”
“They can also feed my rabbits if they pay something. And I’ll sell my customers snacks and have a restaurant in my ranch.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“My ranch will also have an imaginary forest.”
“A what?”
“An imaginary forest. Parents will be afraid if their kids go to a real forest with real animals. So I’ll make an imaginary forest with robotic animals — even some legendary creatures like dinosaurs, unicorns, mermaids,...”
“Mermaids?”
“Yes, because there’ll be a lake in my ranch. With a shipwreck. Kids can also visit the shipwreck.”
After planning for his future, we got our plates and stood in front of the buffet table for the entire evening. Because the food was so fabulous, we didn’t bother to sit down. That night, he ate seven sticks of barbecue and I gobbled up 50% of the European cheeses there. (Sorry, Amina and Rafael. But I loved your wedding. Please invite us again for your tenth anniversary.)
In other words, my first date with Bene for 2006 was a ball.
If I didn’t have a weekly date with him, how would I know about his dreams? I would have missed hearing that he didn’t want to be a cowboy anymore, that he wanted an imaginary forest, robotic animals, a lake and a shipwreck for kids to visit and have fun…
I was even more convinced about my family goals when I read the frightening statistics from David Perdew about “fatherless kids.” According to statistics, children from a fatherless home are:
* Five times more likely to commit suicide.
* Thirty-two times more likely to run away.
* Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
* Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys).
* Nine times more likely to drop out of high school.
* Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
* Nine times more likely to end up in a charitable institution.
* Twenty times more likely to end up in prison for a long period of time.
Fathers, your kids need you.
David Perdew says we either pay now or pay later.
And when you pay later, it always costs more.
I suggest you pay now.
Have a fantastic 2006 — especially with your family.
dear ka darna
ayaw mag attach........too big daw. nge.........ok, ill just leave it sa cswcd guard............
dear ka darna
eto ng chop chop volume 1..........i chopped them into 5 pieces because every time i saved them on my computer as the huge file joey sent, the computer would hang! grrrrrrrrrrrrr. ilan beses ko inulit ulit ito..........so you could imagine my frustration...................dont worry, nothing compared to the frustration with our ka MSG na si karla with her ex mwahahahaha
so do you have a print out of vol 1 from joey? i left them with cswcd guard in cse you need them.
anyway, i am sending you my one two three notes which comes with these attachments
please text me that you received these files intact.
blistering sunshine and sunflowers on university ave,
dazzle
ayaw mag attach........too big daw. nge.........ok, ill just leave it sa cswcd guard............
dear ka darna
eto ng chop chop volume 1..........i chopped them into 5 pieces because every time i saved them on my computer as the huge file joey sent, the computer would hang! grrrrrrrrrrrrr. ilan beses ko inulit ulit ito..........so you could imagine my frustration...................dont worry, nothing compared to the frustration with our ka MSG na si karla with her ex mwahahahaha
so do you have a print out of vol 1 from joey? i left them with cswcd guard in cse you need them.
anyway, i am sending you my one two three notes which comes with these attachments
please text me that you received these files intact.
blistering sunshine and sunflowers on university ave,
dazzle
I recently watched this film sa HBO (hindi naman lang Kim Sam Soon at Jewel in the Palace ang pinapanood ko). Hindi ko alam kung ano ung title kasi diko naman nasimulan. pero natandaan ko ung sinabi ng bartender na there are three kinds of love: Love, Big Love and Great Love.
Love you get over in two months. Big Love you get over in two years. And Great Love...well, one never gets over it. When great love is rejected, something inside you dies that you have to run away and meet the persont you will love the second most. You just move on to the next best thing.
Love you get over in two months. Big Love you get over in two years. And Great Love...well, one never gets over it. When great love is rejected, something inside you dies that you have to run away and meet the persont you will love the second most. You just move on to the next best thing.
One of my most wanted gifts is a planner. Something big enough to write what I wanted to do on a date yet small enough to fit in a small bag.
Bakit ko nga ba gustong isulat itong tungkol sa planner? Nakalimutan ko na. ewan. wala lang.
Bakit ko nga ba gustong isulat itong tungkol sa planner? Nakalimutan ko na. ewan. wala lang.
The alarm goes off. "Swaying room as the music starts" sans the lyrics. It is 5:00 am. Most of Boracay island is still asleep. I went to the toilet to gargle, wash my face and fix my hair. I hurriedly gathered my things. Of Ricky and Emilio, the latter obliged to get up and lock the door behind me. I went to the beach. I didn't see any boat that looked like it was waiting for a passenger so I asked the guard on duty. He said he'll just call me via intercom when he sees the Fairways boat. Great. Now I have to wake up someone to let me in. The wind was freezing.
At 5:42, I walked to the beach again. Still no sign of the boat. I was already worried. The receptionist arrived at 6 am(with two other people who worked at Heaven resto). The phone rings. It was from Malay mainland's Fairways office. The person informs the woman who also told me that the boat is on its way. I went to order breakfast at the resto. Then two men came and said I was to be brought to station 1 where the boat would be. No breakfast then.
Station 1: There were many people waiting to be boarded across. The Fairways bunch had a little verbal "bout" (who wanted to charter a boat just for 3 guests including me) with the person calling the shots. So anyway, we (with 2 men who apparently were on the same first flight out) left the island at 6:20, an hour before the flight.
Anyhow, was able to fly out of Malay island and landed at 8:20 in Metro Manila. I tried calling to check if I could still go to his house before he leaves for the airport. A few unanswered calls and the phone was turned off. I wonder.
I took a cab to the International Airport. "Wait for me at the canteen. I will see you there at 10:30" was the last thing we agreed upon. I waited for two freaking hours. I discovered before 11 am that he was using his sun sim. I force myself to think that he probably talked with his parentsn so he had to change his sim. Finally a text came "Call me" so I did. To cut the "waiting part" short, I accompanied him to the OFW pre-check in center. While he was having his papers signed or something, I checked the flights. His plane's counter was already open for checking in luggage. On a side note, the guard was a bit rude.
anyway, i instructed him to check in his luggage so we can go to the canteen without them. i again waited. he later sent a text that he had 5 kilos excess so he was going to wait for his companions. so he went out. we went to the canteen (where food is expensive) He had adobo and rice. "Mag-smuggle ka nito" he says with a wry smile. I'm beginning to be very sad. But i didn't want to cry. His travel companions called him on the phone. He gave them instructions on the Pre-Check In thing.
when he was done, i sat beside him. He hugged me and said "i will miss you" Syet. Umiyak na talaga ako. Pero konti lang nakakahiya eh. I was hugging him in public. I told myself "galit na din ako sa gobyerno. dahil sa hirap ng buhay, kailangang niya tuloy umalis." In a few hours, he will be $1200 dollars away (I was texting my travel agent for a quote while I was waiting for him)
Then he reads a text and tells me he has to go and check in his stuff but promises to come back. Sure. For a long time, I will not be able to wait for him like I always do ---made me appreciate those days and nights when he would make me wait, being always at least an hour late. at least noon, alam ko na darating siya in a few hours. So I walk to and from the opposite ends, went to the comfort room to keep the guard off my back (i believe these guards really don't know how it feels to have someone dear to them leave for another country). i informed him that he asks his companions to bring his handcarry luggage with them so it will be more convenient for him later. finally, he came out.Super naiiyak na talaga ako.
I held his hand. A few seconds he slipped it off, placed it on my shoulder, and pulled me closer. A few steps later, he hugged me and i hugged him back. Ang hirap pala talaga. It's now the 13th of feb (it took me this long to write this whole story) and still naluluha ako. I said that i better leave so he can go to the boarding area. I saw a taxi and he opened the door for me. Promise ang lungkot. Parang movie na nagso-slow mo.
I looked back and waited until he was out of sight. Para talagang movie. The only difference is in movies, a few seconds later, "14 months later" will flash on your screen. In real life, 14 months is 14 months not just seconds.
Sabi ni Hazel, wag ako malungkot kasi naimbento ang airoplane not just to fly people to another place but also to bring them back. Sabi ni verl, saktong sakto sakin ang kanta ng orange and lemons na "hanggang kailan." I cannot help but agree with them. Sana makaipon ako ng $1200 para masundan kita. Kahit isang buwan man lang.
Miss na kita. Nasaan ka man.
At 5:42, I walked to the beach again. Still no sign of the boat. I was already worried. The receptionist arrived at 6 am(with two other people who worked at Heaven resto). The phone rings. It was from Malay mainland's Fairways office. The person informs the woman who also told me that the boat is on its way. I went to order breakfast at the resto. Then two men came and said I was to be brought to station 1 where the boat would be. No breakfast then.
Station 1: There were many people waiting to be boarded across. The Fairways bunch had a little verbal "bout" (who wanted to charter a boat just for 3 guests including me) with the person calling the shots. So anyway, we (with 2 men who apparently were on the same first flight out) left the island at 6:20, an hour before the flight.
Anyhow, was able to fly out of Malay island and landed at 8:20 in Metro Manila. I tried calling to check if I could still go to his house before he leaves for the airport. A few unanswered calls and the phone was turned off. I wonder.
I took a cab to the International Airport. "Wait for me at the canteen. I will see you there at 10:30" was the last thing we agreed upon. I waited for two freaking hours. I discovered before 11 am that he was using his sun sim. I force myself to think that he probably talked with his parentsn so he had to change his sim. Finally a text came "Call me" so I did. To cut the "waiting part" short, I accompanied him to the OFW pre-check in center. While he was having his papers signed or something, I checked the flights. His plane's counter was already open for checking in luggage. On a side note, the guard was a bit rude.
anyway, i instructed him to check in his luggage so we can go to the canteen without them. i again waited. he later sent a text that he had 5 kilos excess so he was going to wait for his companions. so he went out. we went to the canteen (where food is expensive) He had adobo and rice. "Mag-smuggle ka nito" he says with a wry smile. I'm beginning to be very sad. But i didn't want to cry. His travel companions called him on the phone. He gave them instructions on the Pre-Check In thing.
when he was done, i sat beside him. He hugged me and said "i will miss you" Syet. Umiyak na talaga ako. Pero konti lang nakakahiya eh. I was hugging him in public. I told myself "galit na din ako sa gobyerno. dahil sa hirap ng buhay, kailangang niya tuloy umalis." In a few hours, he will be $1200 dollars away (I was texting my travel agent for a quote while I was waiting for him)
Then he reads a text and tells me he has to go and check in his stuff but promises to come back. Sure. For a long time, I will not be able to wait for him like I always do ---made me appreciate those days and nights when he would make me wait, being always at least an hour late. at least noon, alam ko na darating siya in a few hours. So I walk to and from the opposite ends, went to the comfort room to keep the guard off my back (i believe these guards really don't know how it feels to have someone dear to them leave for another country). i informed him that he asks his companions to bring his handcarry luggage with them so it will be more convenient for him later. finally, he came out.Super naiiyak na talaga ako.
I held his hand. A few seconds he slipped it off, placed it on my shoulder, and pulled me closer. A few steps later, he hugged me and i hugged him back. Ang hirap pala talaga. It's now the 13th of feb (it took me this long to write this whole story) and still naluluha ako. I said that i better leave so he can go to the boarding area. I saw a taxi and he opened the door for me. Promise ang lungkot. Parang movie na nagso-slow mo.
I looked back and waited until he was out of sight. Para talagang movie. The only difference is in movies, a few seconds later, "14 months later" will flash on your screen. In real life, 14 months is 14 months not just seconds.
Sabi ni Hazel, wag ako malungkot kasi naimbento ang airoplane not just to fly people to another place but also to bring them back. Sabi ni verl, saktong sakto sakin ang kanta ng orange and lemons na "hanggang kailan." I cannot help but agree with them. Sana makaipon ako ng $1200 para masundan kita. Kahit isang buwan man lang.
Miss na kita. Nasaan ka man.
I didn't know what music was playing. I didn't mind that someone related to you was "eaves-watching." It felt good to be there. The cheesier part is that if you were Richard Gere, I would gladly choose to be Susan Sarandon than J-Lo.
I was dreaming although now I could not remember what it was. But it was the smell of Eskinol for Men that woke me up. It was still a part of the dream, probably. But at least for a moment I was able to see you before you vanished for the day.
"You're still friends with him?"Some people never seem to understand why after everything I've been through, I still can call him a friend. Someone even went as far as asking me what kind of friends are we, to which i replied "special", being the only word I think is most acceptable or recognizable in the world of relationships.
We have tried to define what we have. Many attempts of trying to determine at which point are we really in. It is difficult, specially for me. I have always disliked gray areas but we are in one. I do not really like being here nor do I hate it. It's just where we are. We still hang out --- his place and mine. But we don't go out on dates. It's confusing, I know but I am fine with it. And I guess he is, too. I do not have the luxury of time to conduct some kind of experiment to conclude how he really feels for he is leaving soon. Only then can time and distance work their ways on what we have.
Sometimes, I think that maybe we shouldn't even define what we are. Maybe it's more fulfilling to just go with te flow of how this "relationship" is going; to enjoy the moments of intimacy and the moments of uncertainty because they are part of any relationship, vague or not, that should only be defined by the two of us. My point is sometimes two people who are affectionate and who care enough for one another don't know what they are exactly. So why should other people know?
We have tried to define what we have. Many attempts of trying to determine at which point are we really in. It is difficult, specially for me. I have always disliked gray areas but we are in one. I do not really like being here nor do I hate it. It's just where we are. We still hang out --- his place and mine. But we don't go out on dates. It's confusing, I know but I am fine with it. And I guess he is, too. I do not have the luxury of time to conduct some kind of experiment to conclude how he really feels for he is leaving soon. Only then can time and distance work their ways on what we have.
Sometimes, I think that maybe we shouldn't even define what we are. Maybe it's more fulfilling to just go with te flow of how this "relationship" is going; to enjoy the moments of intimacy and the moments of uncertainty because they are part of any relationship, vague or not, that should only be defined by the two of us. My point is sometimes two people who are affectionate and who care enough for one another don't know what they are exactly. So why should other people know?
