"The greatest happiness in life is knowing that you are loved for who you are, and sometimes in spite of who you are. "

There is this application called "God wants you to know" that I try to check everyday. It's a good one as no matter how many times you log in a day, you always get the same message so in a sense, you would think it's not like sent to you that randomly.

This day's message got to me.

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Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

LIFE IS A MESS

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO GET A JOB. INSTEAD, PLAY.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

BE HATED.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

LOVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Today I wish I could tell you that the hardest part of moving on is to stop hoping. Today I wish I could ask you not if you have moved on but if you have stopped hoping.

Today I wish I could let you know that I wish you have.

If only memories were that easy to let go, would we even know pain? Would we know love?

I have been wishing that memories could easily be deleted, restored, edited like a computer file. Wouldn't life be less complicated?

I miss you. And this weather is not helping.

Intro: Ebm-C#-F#/Bb-B x2


Verse 1:
Ebm C#
The little things, you do to me are
F#/Bb B
taking me over, i wanna show you
Ebm C#
everything inside of me oh
F#/Bb B
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
Ebm C#
my feet are stuck here, against the pavement
F#/Bb B
i wanna break free, i wanna make it
Ebm C#
closer to your eyes, get your attention
F#/Bb B
before you pass me by


Chorus:
F#
So back up back up
C#
take another chance
Ebm
Don’t you mess up mess up
B
I don’t wanna lose you
F#
Wake up wake up
C#
this aint just a thing that you
Ebm
Give up give up
B
don’t you say that I’d be
F# C#
Better off better off
Ebm B
sleepin by myself and wonderin
F# C#
If im better off better off
Ebm F#
without you boy


(Repeat Intro)


Verse 2:
Ebm C#
And every time, you notice me by
F#/Bb B
holdin me closely, and sayin sweet things
Ebm C#
i don't believe, that it could be
F#/Bb B
you speakin your mind and, sayin the real thing
Ebm C#
my feel broke free, and i am leavin
F#/Bb B
i'm not gonna stand here, feelin lonely but
Ebm C#
i don't regret it, and i don't think this
F#/Bb B
was just a waste of time


(Repeat Chorus)


Bridge:
Ebm C# F#/Bb B
don't just leave me hanging on
(Repeat)


(Repeat Verse 1)
(Repeat Bridge once)
(Repeat Chorus)

Last Sunday, I was chatting with someone about how beautiful weddings are and got asked if I was a cynic or a romantic when it comes to how the movies Before Sunrise and Before Sunset will end. I guess, I would openly say a cynic but then I know I am really a romantic (darn).

I am borrowing a photo from Orlando Cajigal (you can check his works here) and putting my own thoughts on the subject.


By this, I mean marriage or any life-long commitment. It is not about having it perfect. It is about not giving up.

This Texas is going into my playlist right now!

Say What You Want

Twenty seconds on the back time
I feel you on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see you're doing fine
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide I can no longer run
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun

Well, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you

What I am is what you want of me
Now that I'm not there
Took the tables away from you
It's turned that I don't care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide I can no longer run
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun

I've said goodnight try to sleep tight
Just dream of me
Go close your eyes cause I'll close mine
The sun will shine from time to time

Paano ko sasabihin kung ako mismo, hindi ko alam kung ano na nga ba ang nararamdaman ko?

In English, how can I tell you what I feel towards him if I don’t even know what I would call it?

But thank you for wishing me happiness. I wish myself the same.

"You are sometimes hasty and emotional in your judgments and have difficulty sorting out honest from deceitful people. When you like someone, you often let yourself be conned."

Tell me about it.

*Insert MY name here* cannot be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

24 April 2010

Dear Ate Kai,

SHALOM my beautiful daughter!

I am sorry for invading your privacy by bringing along with me Ms Au. It was uncalled for since I know that you treasure short moments that we have together to bond as mother and daughter. I am sorry too if it seems to you that I do not know myself that well till this time. I am now 53 years old and to many I seem to have no plans or visions or dreams. But I do have them only that for most of my life I seemed to have chosen to do what must be done at the moment even if they seem way out of line for me to be able to reach them. Some of these plans, visions and dreams have already been fulfilled and I would like to thank the Lord for making them come true. These some include being able to see all my children finish their studies and allow them to stretch their wings and fly away where their hearts and minds would like to go. It is seeing them slowly shape their own destinies and fulfill their own purposes with their own talents, skills, values and dreams, visions, hopes and dreams, at their own phase, in their own ways. I believe that somehow I am a part of that growing, spreading and flying of wings. Perhaps to the three of you I have not been the best of what your image and concepts are of what a mother should be. Yet I would like to tell you now that I am still doing my best to be the mother you wish and hope for but which maybe mediocre efforts since I still cannot reach your expectations of who I should be and what I must become.

What do I really want to do may not really matter because it may fit the grand scheme of things in what God has planned and has in store for me. I feel and think that I am at my best when I write, train people, heal them, help and teach them how to prevent themselves from getting very sick; I am also very happy and content just to spend few hours and days with all of you under one roof yet equally happy just to see your faces when I close my eyes and pray for your safety, protection, guidance from our God. But we all know that each one of you and me must go on our separate ways most days of the year to allow ourselves to grow and become more loving, forgiving, healing and a blessing to one another and other people we encounter. This is our heritage as a family, our roots, that no matter where our feet and wings lead us; that whatever happens with our plans, dreams and vision;, we will always be welcome with open arms because we deeply love each other (though some of us cannot show it on the outside, masking it sometimes with words, thoughts and actions we do not really mean to hurt) and respect each other’s differences.

I love each one of you and in my own small ways, I know in my heart that I have shown this love though not in how you may want them to be and I would continue doing so and pray with me that I learn how to value more your intentions of taking care of me while I try improving my motherhood skills which actually are growing difficult to sharpen as my teeth, knees, joints and bones are giving in, as I my sight and hearing are getting impaired; as my body, heart and mind slowly surrenders to the calm and peace of age, be rest assured though that my spirit and soul would grow stronger to nourish even more and nurture that love I have for each one of you.
I would like to salute your achievements Ate because you have done many things excellently for your age. My prayer will be unceasing for your continued health, safety, protection, and a lot more that silently your heart wishes for as I would your two brothers Kuya Jeff and Jaja; including Camille and Jamille too.

Do take care of yourself always. I will be with you after the elections po and if God allows it stay a little longer than usual.

Hugs, kisses
Love and prayers
GOD BLESS
Mama

Saw this from Bente's blog and I would say, I want one, too!

A Prayer, or Great Expectations
Fanny Haydee B. Llego

There's no doubt about it I need to get hitched:
I need someone to scratch me whenever I itch

Or give me a backrub whenever I want it
(Who'll pout only a little when someone else does it);

Someone on whom I can vent my frustrations
& who is supportive in trying situations;

Who'll extol all my virtues, forget all my faults
& would always submit to my sexual assaults;

Who'll bring up my children the way they should be
Yet still be entirely devoted to me;

Who'll always obey me, my word being law,
My logic, perfect; my thinking, without flaw;

My sexy cheerleader, housekeeper, accountant,
Secretary, nursemaid, unflagging assistant;

Brought up & moulded to think that success
Is found in the home: nothing more, nowhere else.

O, Mother Goddess, I need in my life
A man willing to be the perfect little wife!

Devotion: is truly for the intelligent, not for the stupid because without devotion there is no profundity to your life.

Awareness: is aliveness. How aware you are, is how alive you are.

Being you: The fundamental problem with humanity is that everyone is trying to be special. Only when you become ordinary, like a tree, can a greater dimension of life open up to you.

This wanting to become special, this disease has come to people simply because they have not recognized the value of the uniqueness of their being.

Bliss: It doesn't matter who you are right now, how miserable you are right now, how disturbed you are right now. If you pay enough attention to your interiority, being blissful is a possibility for every human being.

Enlightenment: never happens.... It is there, it is always there.

Enlightenment need not always happen with a bang, it can happen quietly, it can be like a flower blossoming.

Freedom: Unless you are free from the process of your own mind, unless you are free from the process of your own body there is really no such thing as freedom.

If your happiness and your well-being are not subject to anybody or anything, only then are you free. Otherwise whether you are in a prison or walking outside on the street, you still are a prisoner within yourself.

If you’re seeking to live well, you should not talk about God. Only when your longing has become such that you want to know not just life but the very source of life, can you talk about God.

Everyone can love God, as He does not demand anything from you, but to love the one next to you right now costs life. It is a challenge. It takes much courage to do this.

Every human activity is in pursuit of happiness.

Intensity: You must be that kind of a person that even if they put you in Sahara desert, there also you must be successful with life available there.

People who have never been on fire will not know the coolness of water. People, who have just lived their life in a half-hearted manner, sedately, can never know the other way.

Involvement: You will never know the beauty of life unless you are deeply involved. At the same time, you cannot enjoy the beauty of involvement if you get attached. If you don’t get this subtle distinction, you will suffer.

The greatest crime a person can commit is to be a joyless person.

A joyful face is always beautiful anywhere in the world, whatever the shape of the nose, whatever the shape of your eyes, when you see a joyful face it’s a beautiful face.

Karma: Is not in what you have done or not what you have done. It is your volition. The, way you live. The way you are within yourself.

When you utter the word karma, it’s always about you; never about somebody. You have no business with somebody else’s karma.

Knowing: Only when you are torn, by the pain of not knowing, will knowing happen to you.

Leadership: Leadership can only give guidance and orientation, but it’s the people who have to make the difference. Every individual in whatever sphere of life he is in, whatever responsibility that he holds, whatever influence he has, he has to stand up and make it happen in his area.

Liberation: means becoming free from the very process of life, birth and death. It means becoming free form the basic structures of body and mind. For all these, the karmic structure is the string which holds them together.

Life: Life has come from a very beautiful source. If you remain in touch with that source, everything about you will be beautiful.

How deeply you can touch another life, is how rich your life is. May you have much opportunity to profoundly impact lives around you.

People try to create an outwardly perfect life, but quality of life is based on the inward.

Being alive is not a small thing; it is the greatest phenomena on the planet - not just on the planet, in this whole cosmos.

Love: is just a vehicle for oneness. What you are longing for is that oneness.

Mind: This mind is capable of takings to the peaks of what is possible by a human being but unfortunately we are using the mind to create ulcer, diabetes, misery, anger jealousy.

Collective unconsciousness means, if you go deep enough into your mind, there will be no such thing as my mind and your mind, there is just one mind.

Peace: Peace is not the ultimate attainment of life, but the very foundation of life, the birthright of all human beings.

Peace and Happiness are rooted neither in the marketplace nor the woods, but within.

When you do not know how to keep your body peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your mind peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your energies peaceful, world peace is just a joke.

If there are no peaceful human beings, there is no peaceful world. Maybe there is no killing right now, but people are torturing and killing themselves everyday in so many different ways. That’s bad enough, that’s worse than a war.

Once we are living on a planet with limited resources, and the whole thing that is driving our lives is the engine of economics, war is inevitable, peace is impossible.

Religion: We don’t need more Hindus, more Christians, more Muslims; we need Buddha’s, Jesus, Krishna’s, real ones. We need live ones. That is when true change will happen. And that potential every human being carries within himself. Who they were is also your innermost nature.

How can you love one and hate the other when the same divine exits in all. As many colors of the rainbow are an outcome of one pure light, the many religions of the world are an expression of one divine source. Religions of the world are not about one man’s belief against another. But an opportunity and a possibility for all humans of all hues and colors, of various stages of evolution, understanding, and experience to reach to their common ultimate source.

Seeking: You must seek constantly that which you know to be the highest. It doesn’t matter whether it is going to happen or not; simply living with the vision is an elevating experience and a joyous process in itself.

Self: Everything that you do is self-based. All your work, all your life is an expression of who you are.

You don't have to do anything, you don't have to think anything, and you don't have to feel anything to be complete. You are complete by yourself.

Spirituality: means to live with an alert intelligence.

When you say spirituality you want to progress on the existential level - not socially, not psychologically, and not emotionally. You are constantly seeing how to progress existentially.

Spirituality means you have started seeing life with utmost clarity, there are no more illusions about it; you see everything just the way it is.

To be spiritual means to be an emperor within you. This is the only way to be.

Tears have got nothing to do with sadness and pain. Whenever any experience becomes very intense, tears flow.

If tears of love, joy, and ecstasy have not washed your cheeks, you are yet to taste life.

Path: The path is the destination and the destination is hidden in the path as the creator is hidden in the creation.

The highest is also the simplest.

If you carry with you, what we are calling as Isha, right things start happening.

Being together is the beginning. Working together is the middle. Dissolving together is the ultimate.

Individual salvation is the only way for universal salvation.

Fear: If a person has no hope he is truly blessed, because that person has no fear of failure. Fear of missing out on something is totally not there in a person who doesn't hope.

If you want to enjoy the boons that are outside, you must do something about the inside. Otherwise, everything bypasses you

Truth: You cannot get to truth. You can never get to truth, but you can become truth.

Truth is not a conclusion. Truth is not somewhere you go. It is not a destination - it is just a living experience.

You can’t interpret truth, you can only experience it. You cannot understand truth; you can only dissolve into it. It’s not something that you grasp; it is something that you merge with.

Love is work in motion. Work is love in motion.

Only a man who works with intensity can know what rest is.

Work is an expression of who you are, so who you are needs to be worked at.

The Bliss of work is known only to those who have no need for action.

Today, with the tools of science and technology we have brought ourselves to a self-threatening situation that everybody in the society needs to turn spiritual; otherwise there is no survival for this world. With the kind of equipment, and capabilities that we have, it just takes one fool to blow it up- and there any number of those fools standing in the queue to get to the top.

I got introduced to a performer and found this song. I must say, this must be Bente's song :)This could have been mine years ago.

Just Say When
by Kate Micucci

We could be
Better than we were
If you could only see
I'm different than before
Best believe that I will never knock upon your door
But then again
You just say when

Look around
And everything has changed
Some things gone
And some things rearranged
If I ever called you
Would you think it's strange?
But then again
You just say when

I will lay down
And whisper softly words unsaid
Wonder if you look the same
Would you even know my name?

I'll be fine
Two feet on the ground
But no one knows
When no one's around
Write you out a story
Read without a sound
But then again
You just say when

We could be
Better than we were
If you could only see
I'm different than before
Best believe that I will never knock upon your door
But then again
You just say when

"I've only had a chance to speak with Manager X and Manager Y, but both were very, very impressed with Karla. They said she came to the booth, introduced herself to everyone on her own, asked lots of good questions, was inquistive, did not get in the way of clients, did not become someone that needed to be looked after, etc. All very geniune comments actually giving benefit to Karla, who was professional and more mature than others' of similar age."

But what do you people think is my age?

*Names in bold are not their real names, fortunately.

This conversation began with a shoutout "Hey, can I kiss you? We know each other so this has no malice." Intrigued, I asked and found out it was addressed to a girl who can kiss with no malice, which is a trait of a liberated woman according to JR (part of his real name).

JR: She's frustrated. She was emphasizing that she's 30 but still single. Why can't she be like you?
Me: me? be like me in what way?
JR: not feeling any pressure despite that you're 30+
Me: hahahahaha
JR: by the way *** was there last night...
Me: wow. and so?
JR: hmmmmmmmm....never mind..hahahaha
JR: it's just that we're having a love talk....
Me: *laughter*
JR: I just had to mention that
JR: *grins*
Me: and then?
JR: that's it... *takes a bow*
Me: hahaha
Me: I think that girl isn't pressured. Just because she is liberated doesn't mean she is pressured
Me: liberated is not equal to pressured
Me: get it? hehe
JR: hahaha..got it!
Me: this is more like a conversation about "like" and "can"

Gusto vs Kaya

hindi lahat ng gusto e pde
hindi lahat ng kaya ay tama
hindi lahat ng gusto e kaya
hindi lahat ng kaya e gusto

*bow*

CHASING CARS
by Snow Patrol

A E D A
We'll do it all, everything, on our own.
A E D A
We don't need anything, or anyone.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.

A E D A
I don't quite know how to say how I feel
A E D A
Those three words, I said too much, but not enough.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.
A E
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
D A
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

A E D A
Let's waste time, chasing cars, around our heads.
A E D A
I need your grace to remind me, to find my own.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.
A E
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
D A
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

A E
All that I am, all that I ever was
D A
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
A E
I don't know where, confused about how as well
D A
just know that these things will never change for us at all.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.

I just had an epiphany. Love is didactic, dialectic and yes, rhetoric.

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

"May doesn't look nearly as mad as did April for Goat people. You have begun to feel stronger about how to cope with the eccentrically erratic mood of the Tiger year. The first eleven days of May, Mercury will still be in retrograde mode. Don't go vowing undying fidelity or committing to a contract you can't get out of easily until at least the 12th. After that you can begin to live almost normally again. The shock of the hectic pace of the Tiger year will have completely worn off. Take yourself by the hand and wander into to the nearest church, temple or mosque to thank your lucky stars you made it. Then, get moving on your pet project. If your paying job takes all of your time during the week, you still have evenings and weekends to attend to that creative matter you are so keen on completing. Whether you're painting or sewing or building tree houses, you want the result to be not only practical - but aesthetically pleasing. Nobody does things with his or her hands better than you. This month, try to fend off all interlopers. Reduce your social life to near zero and stick to that workshop or studio against all odds. If your love sector is only slouching along it's likely because you have difficulty understanding what the other person needs from you. You are such a dreamy soul that you often forget you aren't alone on this earth. The person who loves you most needs your attention. A pat on the head (or behind), a bunch of flowers or a bottle of fine wine is a good start. But your lover needs your voice too. Speak up and say I love you. What does it cost? Nothing. Take care with the feelings of family members. You have an older relative who wants to know that you are just fine. Give them a call to reassure them. At the end of May you will be contacted by someone important in your network of acquaintances. They need you for a particular favor that only you can perform - a handyman job or some artistic endeavor. Agree to do this for them. They will return to favor tenfold."

From this application.

Today, I have successfully prevented a potentially heartbreaking process, I think.

I have been wanting to do something about you. I cannot keep you, that I know. I don't want to be haunted with sadness when you leave. I do not want to keep good memories of you. When I think about it, no, I don't want to be just a friend. Well, not at this point at least. Eventually, maybe. Because you are a good person. And I like you very much. But it's not the usual "like" and that's why I don't like it.

I hope I have been all the things a guy will not like in a girl. I have shown you emotional, talkativeness and overzealousness. True, at some points,I may have shown parts of the real me. The point of it was to deliver them consistently, continuously and in huge portions.

I hopefully have FOCUSED on you enough to make you not want me in your life. That way, I have no choice.

I want to think straight and not smile when moments with you cross my mind. They keep coming quite often. In repeats and they drive me crazy! I have to take matters into my own hands. I am the only person who can change how I am.

I know I either have to be too proud or you have to make the choice to walk away from me. While it is possible that I will run after you (which I pray my litttle pride will prevent me from), the latter is still easier. I have come to a point where my walls are down and am being torn apart. And the little strength comes from being a girl. And so a girl, I have become.

A sad one.

Will we be rosemary and thyme? (Got exposed to this wonderful combination this year)

I just wanted to put it on record that I have developed an attachment. And I am not quite sure if I really want it.

"Hindi naman kailangan ng maraming tao para bumuo ng mundo e.. minsan isang tao lamang ang kasama mo, buo na ang mundong kailangan mo habambuhay." - via Payong Bob Ong.

I wish I could read people's minds.

"When the person you're attracted to attempt bold gestures, it's generally considered romantic. when the person you're NOT attracted to do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho" - David Ty, one of Bente's favorite men.

This was his reaction to Sarah Jessica Parker's "When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho." Gender, he says, has nothing to do with it.

I thank God for smart friends.

"Relationships are overrated. Just look at all the long relationships around you. According to my observations most of those are bitter, conflict-ridden, power games." - Hosep

Still, I want one. I think.

While in a public seating area at Fort Bonifacio Global City, I was asked what I was looking for in a man. The first thing that came to mind was "tall" which I think by instinct would be the safest answer ;p I know I have tried making a list of the qualities I wanted (you know, the kind of list that you check specially when a guy is giving you a hard time and you want to strengthen your resolve to forget him).

I found this very interesting article and wrote this summary (and some personal insights why I think the points make a point).

1. Return her messages and may I just add, do so as soon as you are able to. It doesn't have to be profound, only sincere.
2. Kiss her for no reason. Or hug her for no reason. You can give out a hug without people giving you a "lool" but still be able to show the genuine desire to feel closer.
3. Dance with her. We won't criticize you if you can't lead but as long as you are able to stand there and be game to dance for a girl, that should do it. It's not the moves but the thought that counts.
4. Dress up for her. Specially for non metro sexuals, this can be highly appreciated. Better yet, get her opinion.
5. Remember random milestones. Ah yes. Stuff like where you both saw the first ever cue to a men's toilet that she had to wait for you.
6. Take on an activity with her. She may have traveled the world, but not with you, yet.
7. Propose a visit to her family. We tend to really fall for a man who can get the family to like him.
8. It's the little things.

And may I just add, mind your timing. It's not everyday we get sick. It's not everyday we feel bad. But when we do, please be there for us. In this world where women are deemed to be independent, know that we are not perfectly independent. We want to know that you are someone we can depend on during the times we need you to be.

This photo was taken when my grandmother died back in 2004. The wake became a reunion venue for us. It has been a while since we have had a really huge reunion.

When I was younger, I have always heard two things from my grandmother. One is that time is gold and the other is that, money cannot buy happiness. To the first, I fully agree. I am even an advocate of that the greatest gift anyone can give is their time. Once spent, you cannot take it back or earn that time back. To the latter, I would say, sure money doesn't buy happiness but neither can poverty.

Money has been seen as the root of evil. I would say it can do evil but it is not the root. Evil is in the heart of the person who has or wants the money. Money is just a tool. It is just a means of getting what we need, what we desire and the manner by which we do so is a reflection of who we are---good or evil.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.
~ Sir Hugh Walpoe

It has been a while since we last talked. I didn’t realize it was you in a fake almost Indian accent greeting me a happy birthday. Seriously. I thought you were someone else. Realizing you said “you’re in Abu Dhabi” and finally figured out who you really were, I was half relieved.

Being 30 and single isn’t bad, I figure. At least, I don’t have a girlfriend of several years who is 28 (read: marrying age) and I was still calling my ex half-way around the world. The last bit of that sentence I didn’t tell you because, hey. I am an adult. I know when to stop haha

V, you never fail to amuse me. See you in June.