Happy 54 Years Today!

24 April 2010

Dear Ate Kai,

SHALOM my beautiful daughter!

I am sorry for invading your privacy by bringing along with me Ms Au. It was uncalled for since I know that you treasure short moments that we have together to bond as mother and daughter. I am sorry too if it seems to you that I do not know myself that well till this time. I am now 53 years old and to many I seem to have no plans or visions or dreams. But I do have them only that for most of my life I seemed to have chosen to do what must be done at the moment even if they seem way out of line for me to be able to reach them. Some of these plans, visions and dreams have already been fulfilled and I would like to thank the Lord for making them come true. These some include being able to see all my children finish their studies and allow them to stretch their wings and fly away where their hearts and minds would like to go. It is seeing them slowly shape their own destinies and fulfill their own purposes with their own talents, skills, values and dreams, visions, hopes and dreams, at their own phase, in their own ways. I believe that somehow I am a part of that growing, spreading and flying of wings. Perhaps to the three of you I have not been the best of what your image and concepts are of what a mother should be. Yet I would like to tell you now that I am still doing my best to be the mother you wish and hope for but which maybe mediocre efforts since I still cannot reach your expectations of who I should be and what I must become.

What do I really want to do may not really matter because it may fit the grand scheme of things in what God has planned and has in store for me. I feel and think that I am at my best when I write, train people, heal them, help and teach them how to prevent themselves from getting very sick; I am also very happy and content just to spend few hours and days with all of you under one roof yet equally happy just to see your faces when I close my eyes and pray for your safety, protection, guidance from our God. But we all know that each one of you and me must go on our separate ways most days of the year to allow ourselves to grow and become more loving, forgiving, healing and a blessing to one another and other people we encounter. This is our heritage as a family, our roots, that no matter where our feet and wings lead us; that whatever happens with our plans, dreams and vision;, we will always be welcome with open arms because we deeply love each other (though some of us cannot show it on the outside, masking it sometimes with words, thoughts and actions we do not really mean to hurt) and respect each other’s differences.

I love each one of you and in my own small ways, I know in my heart that I have shown this love though not in how you may want them to be and I would continue doing so and pray with me that I learn how to value more your intentions of taking care of me while I try improving my motherhood skills which actually are growing difficult to sharpen as my teeth, knees, joints and bones are giving in, as I my sight and hearing are getting impaired; as my body, heart and mind slowly surrenders to the calm and peace of age, be rest assured though that my spirit and soul would grow stronger to nourish even more and nurture that love I have for each one of you.
I would like to salute your achievements Ate because you have done many things excellently for your age. My prayer will be unceasing for your continued health, safety, protection, and a lot more that silently your heart wishes for as I would your two brothers Kuya Jeff and Jaja; including Camille and Jamille too.

Do take care of yourself always. I will be with you after the elections po and if God allows it stay a little longer than usual.

Hugs, kisses
Love and prayers
GOD BLESS
Mama