Song of Despair
by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held him in my arms.
I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.

He loved me, sometimes I loved him too.
How could one not have loved his great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.

To hear immense night, still more immense without him.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep him.
The night is shattered and he is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

My sight searches for him as though to go with him.
My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.

The same night whitening the the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love him, that's certain, but how I loved him.
My voice tried to find the wind to tough his hearing.

Another's. He will be another's. Like my kisses before.

His voice. His bright body. His infinite eyes.

I no longer love him, that's certain, but maybe I love him.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held him in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for him.

If You Forget Me
by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward the isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all the fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,]
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness; you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness. You can do a kind action when you are not feeling kind and when it gives you no pleasure, simply because kindness is right; but no one ever did a cruel action simply because cruelty was wrong—only because cruelty was pleasant or useful to him. In other words, badness cannot succeed even in being bad in the same way in which goodness is good. Goodness is, so to speak, itself; badness is only spoiled goodness.…Evil is a parasite, not an original thing.

-C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

As i sat there reading the words to myself, i couldn't help but weep... Tears flooded my face, silently. Sure I have found a new song to sing to (Cranberries' Linger) but will i ever find the courage to say "i love you, too" again?

The Bottom Line
You're at a very strong point, and this is an excellent time to cut out bad habits.

In Detail
Today you're entering a period of tremendous personal strength and self-discipline -- and all the bad forces in your life are running for cover! It's the perfect time to tackle any trouble spots you may have, so the time for procrastination is over. Better health, a bigger bank account, a more active social life ... these are all possible with a few nips and tucks in your life. You know exactly what to do. Not only is failure not an option today, it's not even a possibility!

Bakit kaya ganito? I'm being challenged by my sign! Shucks! Kasi add-na-add na daw ako ng na-delete sa YM hahaha

I'm Moving On by Rascal Flatts

It's one of those songs with such a powerful message it can move anybody in any phase of life. If you're 12 and lost a parent, 36 and going through a separation, or 70 and losing somebody to cancer, you've got to face moving on. I know I do sometimes... and so I am facing it. -------------------------------------------------------------

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin on I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin on
I'm movin on

At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I, have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin on
I'm movin on
I'm movin on

(After several weeks i finally finished this!)

I visited my "mommy amy's" blog and i did ask for this. She gave me "H" to write about. I have to think of 10 words that start with this letter and write what each word means to me.

"The Instructions: Comment, and I shall give you a letter. Go back to your journal, and write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation of what those words means to you and why."

1. HEAD. I have always claimed to be a "head" person, one who believes that it it should always be above the heart. I probably didn't follow my own advise that's why I got a broken heart.
2. HEART. This is my heart and it's broken. Can you feel it? I haven't seen the Dead Man's Chest but from what I gather, this certain character fell in love and had to keep his heart in this chest to keep him from feeling the pain. If I can do the same I would. It's difficult to function when your heart hurts like hell and you don't want the world to know about it because you believe there are other people in worse situations than you (like people in Zimbabwe, the country ranked as the least happy). But then again it's my heart and it's broken.
3. HAPPINESS. It is a feeling that comes with the right attitude towards situations.
4. HEARTBREAK. As a kid, I would always choose to be punished physically like kneeling on rock salt facing the wall or something over hearing curses or damnation to a life i do not like. So yes, I'm not a big fan of emotional suffering. And yes, I was not spared from heartbreaks. My heart broke as I was looking at and waving goodbye to our first pet dog being led away by this guy with his head low (he probably knew we were never going to see each other). My heart broke when my mom went to Australia to work and I was left figuring out how to be the ate/mom/dad (which probably started my slasher career). My heart broke every time I saw my parents fight back then. My heart broke when my lola died. And my heart broke (really bad. into smitherins) and breaks everytime I think about unfulfilled promises and not being with this person I truly, truly like.
5. HEARTACHE. My vocabulary suddenly became so limited. So okay. This word is pain with a capital P. And if every one who has ever gone through this or has heard of what it does to persons with low EQ will think a million times before doing something that will cause a fellow human being to experience the same, then the world would be a better place to live in.
6. HELP. No one is too rich, too anything, not to need any help from anybody. I need help.
7. HOLIDAY. Sometimes, holidays need "surviving." I've been through holidays where I was surrounded by many people but felt really lonely. Or sometimes, the preparation stresses everyone that holidays turn into a bunch of chores.
8. HOME. I work in a home and lifestyle magazine. I know that home-making, literally and figuratively, is not easy.
9. HEALTHY. I try to live healthy, in my own standards :) I don't eat breakfast but I drink coffee. I am exposed to secondhand smoking and Manila's air pollution but I don't smoke (although I know how to). I try to take care of my heart so I drink beer :) I want to live long enough and healthy enough to tend a garden when I'm already a grandparent.
10.HEAVEN. Is where I want to end up so I try to be "good" even if being nice/good is not always easy. I know I can be mataray but I am not wicked. I am very forgiving. My anger is good for two minutes (which sucks by the way because I can't hate people I know I have to hate). So there....

Ang dami kong kwento. Andyan ung interview kay Joey Albert, landscaping ng garden ni Ai-ai DLA, ...pero syempre dahil pagod na ako, hindi ko na makwekwento lahat. Heto kelangan kong isulat. In the words of hazel "you chose not to be with me. panindigan mo." Nasabi ko na din yun. "The only reason why he is being nice to you because he wants to ease his guilt." May point nga naman. Ganun nga kaya? Syempre hindi ko muna malalaman. At meron pa pala. Dami ko na-meet ngayon. Isa na dun si Tina, owner ng isang shop sa independent lifestyles sa Rockwell (sale dun ngayon at dun ako nagpakapagod umikot with haze habang nagbabantay sa tindahan nila). She was preggy and she looked really nice. August daw siya due. Baby boy daw. Wala lang. Ang cute niya kasing buntis.

Dami words of wisdom ni haze ngayon. although, magkaiba kami ng personality at paniniwala, parang gusto ko na pareho na lang niya ako. Siya mas minahal niya pet cat niya kesa sa ex niya. Tapos, nasustain niya galit niya. Ang hirap nga kasi i was raised to be forgiving. More importantly, sabi niya sakin "hindi ka na naaalala nun. wag mo na isipin. Si *toot*log na iniisip nun" Pwet niya. Wala na siya mahahanap na katulad ko. Complicated man ako minsan, pagnagmahal ako, mahal ko. Buongbuo. Hindi lang puro pagpapacute.

Kaya magiging tycoon na lang ako kahit hindi ako instik. It is written in the stars and Twenty can attest to it. At ikaw na di alam na may blog ako, wag naman masyado ang mga tanong. Syempre pagtinanong mo ako kung ano sasabihin ko pagniyaya mo ako pakasal e di syempre sagot ko dun "duh" Labo mo teng. Hindi man lang leading yung questions mo. Nakakainis kasi walang sense. Pero sige lang. Patatawarin. Heto yung ayaw kong daanan pero dahil kelangan na, sige dadaanan. Sinabi ko na magpadala ng bulaklak sa office, gusto pa siya mismo magdadala. May balak pa magkunyaring delivery boy. ang corny. hindi ko pa naman hinihingi yung "humiliate yourself." Pagmahaba na buhok ko at lasengga na ako ulit, sige, hihingin ko din yun. Pero hindi lang ganun. sana naman matapos na itong kaguluhan na ito sa mundo ko. gusto ko lang ng peace and quiet.