Six degrees of separation makes this world really small. I never really realized this until a few days ago when I fould out you were the schoolmate of a good friend, Love. I felt the value of honesty and not fooling around more than ever. Not having secrets make life less complicated. You're messing your life. And even if I hate seeing you this way, it's a price you have to pay now than later. Think. Ponder. Be really mindful of things you have to figure out that you keep putting off. It's really simpler than what you think.

Got to keep myself busy. It's a long weekend for us. No work on Monday. Got to keep busy. Got to keep busy. I need the "WORK" fairy!

Alam ko na kung sino. Everything fell into place. The author of the May/June Itinerary as reflected in the excel file. The "hindi ka pde matulog sa house nila", the chinita description, the "Learn to drive with a PRO," the description of she being "childish," the "last log in"... At ngayon, limited na ang access sa profile niya. napagsabihan na ba? hahaha Ang sama ko. Ay hindi, ang sama ni ahem. Ang di ko na lang malagay sa puzzle ay kung paano mo dinaanan yung iba mong stuff e mejo malayo ang bahay niya sa airport. O baka naman nakiiwan ka lang kay A na galit sa akin? Hahaha At saka ineng, hindi naman talaga adobo paborito niyan. magaling ka ba magluto ng adobo? tsaka masama sa kanya ang manok. makinig ka sa akin. ate mo ako.

Just for fun, checked if they make a good match. I'm sorry lang but her romantic match is Libra. Kahit na sa lust match, Cancer at hind sign ni ahem. So pano ba yan, 56 days to go for you? Ganito pala magpigil ng feelings. Nakaka-inspire magsulat sa blog araw-araw.

hay. buti na lang hindi ako childish. childlike lang hehehe. I'm probably in the wrong profession. baka dapat spy ako hahahaha. or taga-analyze ng signs. Ang masasabi ko lang, shit ka. paghindi kayo nagkatuluyan at babalikbalik ka sa akin, pahihirapan kita. Gagawin mo lahat ng ginawa ni Cyrus kay Sam Soon.

She asked for my birth date, time and place of birth. Here is what she sent me after.

Your Moon Nakshatra is Revati
Revati means the wealthy.

The symbol of Revati is a fish. Revati is ruled by Mercury, which shows a humane and even course through life will feel appropriate. Communication, playfulness, and fairness will be important to you.

Mythologically, Pushan, the Sun as a nourisher, is the presiding deity here. Pushan is the divine shepherd. He leads the flocks and herds home safely after a long journey. His protective influence presides through these last degrees of the Zodiac, providing shelter for the weary soul wishing to return home or simply rest. Fertility, growth, and generosity of all sorts are the domain of Revati. There are many blessings and rewards here for having stayed the course and completed the journey. Among those blessings are wealth and success in all endeavors. Revati is perhaps the most selfless of all the star groups. A love of animals and helpless creatures of all sorts is also seen here. A mystical mind that appreciates the value of self-sacrifice is pervasive here.

Strengths: You have a highly creative mind and the desire to use it for the good of all. You are protective of others and willing to help those in need. You have good luck in business and all moneymaking pursuits. Your sincere efforts will be rewarded due to good past life merit and generosity in this lifetime. You prioritize connections to family and community.

Shadow issues: You may be self-sacrificial to the point of masochism at times and grow to resent others for it. This painful crisis will undermine your natural desire to give selflessly. Self-destructive behavior through indulgence and escapism is possible. You may be prone to misdirection and wandering if depression and cynicism take hold.

Naaliw ako dito ha.

The Hebrew Talmud says "Be careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior than, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved."

I went to my first ever wh-ite party last night after watching bands play at the anniversary party of Meg. It was a very different landscape. There were a lot of gays and swingers. A lot of skin (and some were even flashing "hair" down there). If there were people who were homophobic last night, they would have probably killed themselves before they could even get out of the thick crowd. It was too thick that someone I met there lost his phone (probably while intimately dancing with my good friend). But somehow, I felt safe in their midst. I felt tame, almost like a saint with all the wild kids throwing "come hither" looks and grinding their bodies against each other, some even grabbing each other there and then.

I was amused but felt really lonely. Can I last 60 days?

We both don't know what will happen. But we can only control ourselves. There are gifts God gave us: choice and free will. How we use them make all the difference.

I look forward to the day when i will be able to see him differently. probably, someone so insubstantial, so meaningless, so frail...see him as someone who feeds off girl's admiration in an attempt to make himslef bigger than he actually is. But in the meantime, i will keep to being a woman, a masochist. One who loses all sense of what is reasonable pain for fear of being judged of not being understanding enough. Or just having the pride of not quitting when the going got tough. Continue to believe--that things will change, by staying long enough. Or that I have not done enough.

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (read a book that quoted this book)

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I peretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

I wonder how long it will take me to get to stage 4. I keep on shuffling between stages 2 and 3. it's madness and it's exhausting.

Why is it that difficult to move on and forget? In my case, it was just 8 months, officially. Come to think of it, there were both good times and bad that things should even out by now.

"Parang kang yung kuya ko, 6 months na sila hiwalay ng girlfriend niya pero hanggang ngayon laging may depressed...gutom ako tsaka depressed...parang gago."

On my way home, I got to thinking again. Got to talk to myself about why I'm making it hard for myself to let go. Sure there were bad times (late again. cannot be reached. can't go there, I got work to do. ) but I saw them as mere moments. No matter where I was, whatever I was doing, whatever I was praying for, whatever I was planning for, you were part of them all. Every laugh, every talk, every movie, every dinner, every problem shared, every little thing-- I saw all of them as things we would be doing together for the rest of our lives. That's why it is difficult... It was not just 8 months of my life. I lost a lifetime.

"Don't let the lessons you learned from past love rule your future love" or Twenty's favorite "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" are the worst words people can say to me now. You came to me. I did not go to you. I was just standing there. Why did you have to run me over and leave me to die?

I have heard about people like you. You told me you are capable of this. I should have know better. How stupid for me to think I was the exception when I was part of the RULES? Sana may time space warp para makapunta ako sa panahon na hindi na ako nalulungkot, na tanggap ko na na patay na talaga at hindi lang naka-coma. Go to the time when I will no longer hope and just pull the plug to end it all. Euthanasia. Tama kaya 'yun?

It was the end of the month. Had nothing much to do at the office. Magkikita daw kami for lunch. While waiting for 12:30, umiikotikot ako sa SM Megamall. Syempre, napabili ako ng sapatos. Kulang pa ng Php50. Cge, pwede na dn nga ung straps. Salamat sa GC. We met near the ice skating rink sa may bench. Lumabas pa kami papuntang Italianni's. Hehehe. Mejo nalito ako dun a. We had lunch. Masarap ung bottomless lemonade. Concentrate daw un e. Seafood with vegetables siya at angel hair pomodoro sakin. I brought half of the angel hair pomodoro sa office dahil di ko naubos. Binigay ko kay hazel. Masarap daw.

Moving on. My dear from Oman texted me he was going to bring a package to someone sa S-u-mmit. I met him sa may Barrio Fiesta sa 4/f. he was seated sa bench outside holding a red package filled with magazines. andun ung cover si eula. di niya daw type kasi momma na. Bumaba kami sa basement. Naglaro sa WOF ng basketball at crisis alert ba yun. Ung may baril. Masaya pala un. Nakaka-relieve ng stress. tapos, nagkape kami sa starbucks sa taas. Cafe Mocha at cappuccino habang nagbabasa siya ng showbiz magazine at ako, "He's just not that into you." We made a funny pair. Minsanminsan, mag-uusap kami about anything except about us. MOcha-tall=P110. Cappuccino-tall=P95. Moment= priceless. Hanggang ganito na lang ata ako. Pa-moment moment na lang.

Invited him sa Manual anniversary party. Tapos na when he arrived. Nakalabas na nga ako sa venue when he called e. anyway. I know na he is consistently late. Kahit kanino. Kapatid man, kaibigan o ano pa. Is the book helping me? Yes. It's able to help me in passing time.