This always makes me want to cry. Specially No. 10. Not because of Heath, but because of who I would say it to. If I went to the same college with him, of course. And if at that time I am the way I am now.


I first saw this next video in my hotel room in Waterfront. You know, when you have a room to yourself and you leave the television on to keep you company. So I was trying to sleep and this came out as the top video. I like the rawness of the feelings of the girls here. And the fact that somehow, no matter how older we get, there will always be things that will never change.

I wonder how many videos I can find to say why.

"MOVING ON is not about NEVER LOOKING BACK. It's about taking a glance at yesterday and noticing how much you've grown since then."

How profound. I do not know why I sent this. Was I trying to "defend" myself? I don't know. Who cares?

"Love is not something that will begin and end in a moment. Like a spark. It's just something we go on to create together."

This line was from Taereung National Village, a Koreanovela my brother bought. He chose it in light of the Beijing Olympics. It's actually short. Just 8 episodes, a far cry from the others we have seen (or in my case started but didn't finish). So short that we finished it in one go. We took turns reading the subtitles (he'd check on his RPG; I'd go to the toilet and pee) . And yes, it made me cry. boohoo. Well, as I may have established before, I'm making up for the lack of tears I've shed when I was younger. And the video here was one of the songs in the series that hit me hard. Sort of made me remember a few months back (April to June).

Cry now, smile later.

pyane--the first Korean word I learned. And it means sorry and all the sh*t and pain that go with it, and all the hope and faith, too. I first learned it with My Sassy Girl, the first Korean film I've ever watched, which I believe I have seen 11 times already. From that time on, I sort of became a fan of their films so I got to see Il Mare and knew what it was before someone thought of doing a Hollywood version which we now know as the Lake House.

I stopped about two years ago when I discovered what MU meant or rather who MU was. This not only broke my heart but also banned anything with "almond-shaped eyes" infront of my BIG, BROWN and SAD eyes.

I know that you don't like that I always, always want to know if you're okay, if work sucks, if you're tired. I know it irritates you. Nakakasakal, I know. But I remember you more than the times I let you know. You used to be the same. But I don't want to stop myself just because I'm afraid masakal ka. I can't lose you because I already did. I won't apologize because I still don't think it's wrong to let people know as much as you can that you think about them. I also know that no matter what I do, or I don't do, they all don't count. If love is a game, and the rules say "don't make yourself always available for someone you love," I'd rather not play.

This is the scene at my sister's wedding.
She's getting drunk, regretting that she got married for the third time.
My mom's sprouting snakes from her hair in jealousy. lt was perfect ...
We've got three feminine archetypes: The divine whore, Medusa -
- and me. What archetype am l?
- The Virgin Mary? - Thanks a lot, Trevor.
No, the faithful handmaiden. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
lt proves what Jung said all along.
Myths and archetypes are alive and well and living in my apartment.
As l stood beside the altar beside my sister and her husband to be, -
- it struck me that this ritual, a wedding ceremony, -
- is the last scene of a fairy tale. They never say what happens after.
That Cinderella drove the prince mad by obsessively cleaning the castle.
They don't say what happens after because there is no after.
The be-all and end-all of romantic love was ... Mike?
- Sex? - You have sex on the brain.
- Marriage. - But it wasn't always like that.
The 12th century had ''courtly love'', which had nothing to do with sex.
The relationship between a knight and a married lady of the court ...
And so they could never consummate their love.
They rose above ''going to the toilet in front of each other'' love, -
- and went after something more divine.
They took sex out of the equation, leaving them with a union of souls.
Think of this. Sex was always the fatal love potion.
Look at the literature of the time.
All consummation could lead to was madness, despair or death.
Experts, scholars and my Aunt Esther are united in one belief:
True love has spiritual dimensions, while romantic love is a lie.
A myth. A soulless manipulation. And speaking of manipulation ...
lt's like going to the movies and seeing the lovers kiss ...
The music swells, and we buy it, right?
So when my date kisses me, and l don't hear strings, l dump him.
The question is, why do we buy it?
Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love.
That experience makes us feel completely alive.
Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens.
lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn't diminish its value.
We're left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives.
l read, ''When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.''
l love that. His music expresses our need for passion and romantic love.
We listen to La Bóheme or Turandot, or read Wuthering Heights, -
- or watch Casablanca, and a little of that love lives in us too.
So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love -
- when it can have such a short run and be so painful?
- Propagation of the species? - We need to connect with somebody.
- Are we culturally preconditioned? - Good, but too intellectual for me.
l think it's because, as some of you may already know ...
While it does last, it feels fucking great.





Really great script from The Mirror Has Two Faces.
Watch it on HBO this month.

My brother said he watched this movie with my mom at Emily theater. I was wondering how come I didn't go with them? And then I found out it was shown 1996, the year I started as an Iska.

This is the second movie I've seen recently that has Barbara Streisand. The first one, which I also liked, was The Way We Were which was played on our ride home from Baguio.

Sure, true love is different from romantic love but it doesn't mean that true love can't be romantic =)

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

Your Thinking is Concrete and Sequential

You are precise, orderly, and realistic. You tend to get to the point and get things done. Difficult, detailed work is easy for you. You take things step by step. Time limits aren't a problem for you either. You work well with deadlines. What does drive you crazy is any sort of task that isn't precisely laid out. You don't like anything to be ambiguous. You prefer to deal with the facts at hand.

Years ago, I made a plan. Have a boyfriend when I turn 25. And marry him three years later, on this day. August 8, 2008. I was pretty sure I was on track when I found my first real, official boy(without a space)friend on January 8, 2005. It wasn't a whirlwind. It was well-thought of, all aspects considered.

We were classmates in high school. He was the only person who wrote me a letter when I was a freshman. I still remember the paper had a giraffe. I wrote him back but he never wrote back again. We lost contact, with occasional news about him from his siblings who were my choirmates, only for a year or so when he got into a relationship. That said, he fancied me when we were in high school. To cut the long story short, he found me again. He said I was his true love and all that jazz. It wasn't easy but we became a couple. Eight, short months officially.

After 3 years, and eight months, I may have not yet trusted anyone else as much as I trusted him. Which makes me sad sometimes. And yes, made me sad today.

...or sing it when the time comes.

The Story of My Life (Abba)
I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
I've played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......