Caro Mia: 2004

Author’s Note: The following story contains texts that may not be suitable for all audiences. Author’s guidance is advised.

You may call me Dolce. I don’t smile much. But I fall for men who make me laugh. My academic records may give the impression that I am “boring” but on the contrary, I believe I make good company.

My passion is dancing.

Last night, I went to Malate with Josa and Joy to this bar called “bed”. It’s a tamer “Babylon” (Babylon is a bar for gay men and women in “Queer as Folk”, a series similar to “Sex and the City” but moves around issues of gay people.)

Going back to last night, Josa suggested that before we enter “bed”, we should have our dose of alcohol at Komiks. It amazed me how many gorgeous gay men there are !!! And I mean, drop-dead gorgeous.!!! (of course, this is a loss for hets but a gain for some of my friends hehehe) So while we were drinking, I informed JR, that we were in Malate. A few minutes later, he arrived with two more straight male friends. Now, it dawned on me that we were going to “bed” a place where men are preyed on by men Mwahahaha

So we agreed that we’d watch over them (meaning, we will dance with them so no gay guy would come near them). Now, this is not something I usually do. I am pretty conservative about dancing with straight guys in a bar (When it’s ballroom, it’s another story because those who know ballroom are usually gay men). No “physical” contact. I do not dance “sweet”, mind you. But last night, it was different. I was different. You won’t recognize me from the crowd. It was like I was doing rumba only that techno music was on. Won’t write the “gory” details…. hehehe Maybe it was the bar…the crowd…I felt that although what I was doing was already “wild” for me, I was tame compared to the others around me.

Anyway, everyone had a good time. And I suppose I did fine in managing the groping of one of JR’s friends without creating any scandalous situation …He’s a bit too aggressive… I could have hit him if not of the consideration that he was a bit drunk and that he was JR’s friend and that it was his birthday…

Later, Joy and Josa shared the same opinion but did not find his behavior offensive as I did. But of course, I acted normal after we left the bar. He admired my eyes. And was asking questions like where I lived. He apparently is from the same city I came from and was suggesting that he has probably seen me before. Ha! How pathetic.

Anyway, Josa really likes him. So I have to do what I have to do---ask JR stuff about him.

I am so fond of Lei

7:09 PM

Ray of light

Now, I do not wish to make a fool out of myself… I mean, I am probably older than he is or perhaps he has not yet finished school and is working to do so… So I am not going to make a career out of learning new things about him. What are the chances of meeting a guy that melts your defenses and in the process makes you deaf and almost mute, and at the same time be intelligent, older than you, makes equal or more than you do (or be too rich that he just chooses to work here for the “experience”), have the ability to make you laugh…in this office, this soon?

This Thursday, I will be watching a movie with Brian. He’s a friend. Just a friend. It’s been a while since we went out…he became very busy with a woman (they first planned to get married this December, eventually they switched to just moving in together…the latest is that the “live under the same roof set-up” has been moved to January 2005---New Year, new life)

I went to the gym last Friday….My inner thighs are still painful from the squats I did. And the leg presses. It’s been a while since I last went to the gym… To inspire myself, I bought a new pair of rubber shoes. Originals, of course. Fakes do not quite cost much to forcibly “inspire” me to workout. Nike cross trainers. Although I would have preferred Adidas. But then Nike was on sale. And perhaps I wanted to try Nike for a change. I have always bought Adidas stuff.

Going back to my going back to the gym, I have set aside Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays to this endeavor. Besides the new trainers, I have found more reasons to pursue this… I need to lose a few pounds to prepare for what I would put on this Christmas…the concert is over and I no longer have to go to an internet café to chat so there’s nothing to do after work…and more importantly, Lei goes to the gym…hahaha.

One of my immediate projects is to know his REAL name. Wa Tsi Lei is just a nick he was given because of his semblance to the Meteor Garden star: stick-straight hair and almond-shaped eyes ( I have an Australian friend who said that it is racist to say “chinky eyes”…should be almond-shaped or Asian eyes although the latter bothers me because I am Asian and I have eyes but they are far from being almond-shaped. In fact I got HUGE eyes).