I went to a wedding last night (26 Sept 07). Rome and Jing's. Early yesterday morning, I watched "My Bestfriend's Wedding" on HBO (saw it years ago but somehow the boat scene got me teary-eyed). My friend Mayette drove me home and on our way we got to talking about jel-o and creme brule..if Kimmy and Michael's marriage will last...anyway, I think a wedding reminds us that finding love is possible...

Congratulations and best wishes!

Have you ever been to a bachelor's party where the only bachelor (technically since I can't really call Josa/Ho a bachelor, can I?), is the groom to be? I have just attended one (okay, participated may be a better term since we all went to Unimart and then I helped the host in the kitchen. Made good food). We were a small group of seven (7 is my favorite number) and we did have a nice time. It was funny though and at the same time sweet that we had to leave at around midnight because his fiancee was waiting for him. He had to bring her home pa.

It's almost 5 am. I'm writing out of the desire to create this routine of blogging again. Now, if only I can find the command so as not to cross-post this to my "not anonymous" blog...

It is always interesting to find out that people do read your blog. It is also interesting to note that Iskos and Iskas feel strongly about being iskos and iskas (we easily gel with each other even if we don't really belong to the same batch, same course, or whatever). Since I have entered UP, I have only known one guy who thinks that UP did not add to him as a person and has not EVER eaten at Rodic's until such time when I MADE HIM EAT there (yes, he is the rarest case). I also have experienced that when UP people talk about college experiences, there will always be something in common or that everyone else can relate with no matter how mundane. And that sometimes, these trips to memory lane provide amusement to people who didn't go to UP . Like the last time we went to The Wine Club along Aguirre St..(yes, some of us also like wine and cheese in addition to or not just ice-cold san mig light), the owners of the bar/wine store stayed and laughed at our stories and even gave us a discount. So anyway, I'm reposting this message from an account that I have just been given access to ( to help update it) in one of the more popular sites today. To be pasaway is not always bad.

U.P. made you in such a way that when the world is sitting, you would be standing...
And when the world is standing, you would stand out...
And when the world stands out, you would be outstanding...
And when the world tries to be outstanding, you would be the standard...
(In short, naging pasaway ka...)
Isang masaya at may-yabang na sentenaryo sa iyo, taga- U.P! ;-D

TOP 20 SCHOOLS IN THE PHILIPPINES

This list is a result of the study conducted by the ProfessionalRegulations Commission (PRC) and the Commission on Higher Education (CHED), based on the average passing rate in the BOARD EXAMINATIONS OF ALL COURSES of all universities and colleges in thePhilippines. This study is conducted every 10 years. It is surprising that Ateneo schools rank only 5 and 6, while DLSU is a distant #16.

1. University of the Philippines(Diliman Campus / Luzon )
2. University of the Philippines(Los Banos Campus/ Luzon )
3. University of the Philippines(Manila Campus / Luzon )
4. Silliman University ( Dumaguete City / Visayas)
5. Ateneo deDavao University ( Davao City / Mindanao )
6. Ateneo de Manila University ( Loyola Heights / Luzon )
7. University of Sto . Tomas ( Manila / Luzon )
8. Mindanao State University (Iligan Institute of Technology / Mindanao )
9. Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila (Manila/Luzon)
10. Saint Louis University ( Baguio City / Luzon )
11. University of San Carlos ( Cebu City / Visayas)
12. Xavier University (Cagayan de Oro City / Mindanao )
13. Mindanao State University (Main campus / Marawi City )
14. Urios College ( Butuan City / Mindanao )
15. Polytechnic University of the Philippines ( Manila / Luzon )
16. De La Salle University ( Manila / Luzon )
17. Mapua Institute of Technology ( Manila / Luzon )
18. Adamson University ( Manila / Luzon )
19. Central Mindanao University (Musuan, Bukidnon/Mindanao)
20. University of Southern Philippines ( Davao City /Mindanao)

Be proud, Isko ng Bayan!

I still remember Claudine, a healer (who opened my Chakras so I didn’t drink during the send-off of one of my batchmates) figured out that I give too much just by touching my shoulders…mental note to self: self above others. Hahaha. I am learning to be a little selfish.

Last August 30, we went to a new friend’s place (who lives with his charming fiancée in this tastefully done apartment) with a bucket of Chickenjoy (hot n’ spicy), a two-piece original meal, rice (7 servings man!), lots of gravy and spaghetti. By we, I meant I went with Bente, Ho, and Pol. Take-out dinner that went with several glasses of wine. Spanish Gate was gooood. Did I mention I love wine? Oh well I do. Red wine particularly. In between, I accompanied Ho to buy a pack of lights and dropped by Kozui and got tea for Bente. Of course, my dear friend was there but we didn’t stay.

Anyway, we were supposed to go home already when Pol made us agree to a round of beer. We ended up at Quattro, with a macho mug each, and a plate of chicharong bulaklak. Earlier, I was kidding Ho to buy me flowers so when we got our pulutan, they joked that I “can have my flowers and eat them, too.” Hahaha Really funny. Had fun and I’m thankful that I have these people as my friends.

I found this word file on my desktop. I probably saved it for a good reason. While some of it I find really cruel, i think most of it still amuses me (for a time, I may have subscribed to all of them. hahaha)

Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin. Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako nagsawa. Natauhan lang."

Pwede mo kong lokohin pero wag kang magpapahuli sakin. Pwede mo kong palitan pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno hanggang pumorma na. Tapos pag nahulog ka na, ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang iiyak at smile lang tayo. Punyeta, anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too much tears nor did I ask him to love me again. Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!"

Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka, mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin. Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga, iiyakan mo pa?

Pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo, wag mo siyang sisihin! Kausapin mo siya ng harap-harapan at sabihin mong, "Ingat, tanga ka pa naman!"

Masakit pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo. Pero wag kang magagalit ng husto. Kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman kayo, diba? Kaya for the last time yakapin mo siya at ibulong mo, "Gago, kukulamin kita!"

Girls, talo daw tayo sa mga boys? Papayag kayo? Sige, pag niligawan tayo, sagot agad. Pag iniwan tayo? Ok lang. Kapag sinabi nilang, "Uy, ex ko." Alam niyo sagot diyan? "Ay, ambisyoso."

If the one you love doesn't love you back, don't get depressed. Just think about it for a while, maybe cry a bit then wipe your tears and say, "Ang weird naman niya. Di siya pumapatol sa magaganda!"

You only got one life so live it well, one heart so take good care of it, one soul so keep it pure. One boyfriend? What a waste! Make it two or more! Sayang ganda natin!

Pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo na ayaw na niya sayo, hayaan mo lang. Wag kang iiyak at magpapakagago! Imbis na iyakan mo siya, ngitian mo lang at sabihin mo ang ganito, "So, pano? Bye na! Naghihintay na ang kapalit mo!"

Who cares about break-ups? Oo nga, masakit. Makirot sa puso. Pero tandaan mo: a break-up isn't only an end to a relationship. It's also a beginning of a new one and an end to a living hell called "ex".

"And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Get Your Sexy Name

It's been two weeks since I last cried. Sobbed would be more appropriately. Sobbed shamelessly. It has been a while since i felt that vulnerable.

I Can't Make You Love Me
(M. Reid/A. Shamblin) as Performed by Bonnie Raitt (Luck of the Draw 1991)
Locally, re-recorded by Nina (Janis and I would sing this on our way to and from Baclaran church)

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

"You're my lucky charm."

"If this doesn't work, will you marry me?"

"Tara, tanan na tayo."

Bru is driving me out of my head. The day ends with Bru saying not to do the usual wake up call because Bru was already awake. This was after several text messages about extravagance and feelings of insecurity to wanting my opinion. Gosh. As if it matters.

It's Friday now. Freaky pain in this area (between my neck and my stomache) woke me up. At around 3 pm, it happens again. I had to sit still and pray.

It's now 15 minutes past 4 in the afternoon. Thick blankets of rain are seen from where i am seating. It's sad. And I thank the heavens for crying for me.

I had a really packed wednesday. Lunch was at Hyatt. We were served with Angus beef but didn't have much of an appetite so I just tried a slice of the Prime Rib Eye so as not to disappoint the chef and the PR manager. I loved the mashed pumpkin, though. And the potatoes. And the asparagus. And the dessert was good. It was called Latte Cotto with Ameretti Stick and Orange Zest. Interesting, too, was the rhum-based cooler. I was given a box of chocolates. I remembered bru who liked white.

Went to Ortigas home depot to shoot a store that specializes in water fountains. I passed around the chocolate box but asked that the white ones be left behind.

Bru offered to pick me up. So i decided to drop by Enderun's Wine Event. But of course, this didnt happen. i was really tipsy on my way home. i may have sobbed in front of someone.

it's just so sad to be sad. again.

This is written the morning after another drunken night. Yes, I have been drinking for two nights straight. It's a guy thing, I know. But what else is there? I don't do drugs and certainly won't try them. maybe valium?

It's really sad trying to keep a straight face amidst the chaos going through inside me. I wish I knew what this pain is for. May be I just have to believe that somewhere, someone is being molded using the same plates (aaargh!). I wish i can keep this up for the next couple of weeks. or that i would still believe.

can i have more beer please?

It's been one...okay, i have to swear, i'm sorry...hell of a monday. not manic but magical. not for me but for them. anyway, went to Maru with some friends. Thanks nicky for driving me safe home. i hope you do get to clear your checks today so you can buy us beer today. i'm back to the land of the drinking hehe

is harry potter worth missing for you?

gosh. M is fo Manic. While you insist it is for Magic. Whatever. Monday sucked.

Currently analyzing the complicated...figuring out the unpredictable...and struggling. But still making time...which makes me utterly sad and undeniably stupid.

That was me until today...now i'm just "in repair"

i've been through this. Make me hate. It's against my nature but it might help. what did i do to deserve this? is it because i was too understanding? did i make you feel i wouldn't get hurt?

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain."-- Neil Gaiman

I have been looking for you. I have reasons to look for you... my life's leaps of faith and moments of happiness (that i can look back to) come from you. Have I met you?

I'm in the office now. Good thing we can blog. I am trying to work but to no avail. I might have been here before. Or this can be an entirely new thing. But whatever it is, when i think about it, i just want to give in. i am trying to be strong. otherwise, things would be more difficult for you. please find me now and put me where i should be. and quit moving me around if it bothers you that much.

Okay. This is not the first time I was asked this question. But then it still is difficult to answer. I tried my best to translate into words why i think, feel, or believe (i don't even know the right verb for it) are the bases of how I was able to conclude, realize or admit that I do love you. Somewhere between those lines, I may have lost parts of what I wanted to tell you. I am poor with words. I'm better at showing. But can you really see? Can you see that I love you for what you are? That I love you for what I am when I am with you and for what you are making of me? That I love you for what I am able to bring out of you and for the part of me that you bring out?

I promise myself ..
to be so strong that nothing can disturb
my peace of mind.
to talk health, happiness and
prosperity to every person i meet.
to make all my friends feel that there
is something worthwhile in them.
to look at the sunny side of everything
and make my optimism come true.
to think only of the best to work only
for the best and to expect only the
best.
to be just as enthusiastic about the
success of others as I am about my own.
to forget the mistakes of the past and
press on to the greater achievements of
the future.
to wear a cheerful expression at all
times and give a smile to every living
creature i meet.
to give so much time to improving
myself that i have no time to criticize
others.
to be too large for worry, too noble
for anger, too strong for fear, and too
happy to permit the presence of
trouble.
to think well of myself and proclaim
this fact to the world, not in loud
words but in great deeds.
to live in the faith that the whole
world is on my side, so long as i am
true to the best that is in me.

I froze while everyone continues to move. And no matter how many people try to offer their consolation, I know that I have to get through this alone. And let time take its course.

It's been quite some time again. I'm sorry. It's just that I've been very busy. Busy with work. Busy with getting lost. Busy with finding my way back into my world.

You are strange. You are beautiful. Possibly. Maybe. But am i capable?

When i read this entry after years, i hope i can still read between the lines i have written :P

Ako: haze patay na si Tagtag ung fighting fish ko
Ako: L
Ako: na-heat stroke ata
Purple Haze: aaaawww im sorry dear
Purple Haze: baka kasama niya si homie sa fish heaven L
Ako: oo nga. i fed him last yesterday
Ako: tapos knnang am, papalitan ko sana water niya
Ako: hindi sya nagmo-move. kala ko sluggish lang.
Ako: pero un, wala na life yung eyes niya
Ako: tapos when i shook the bowl to elicit some kind of reaction
Ako: wla na. float float na lang sya
Ako: sabi sa feng shui book, ung fish daw ang nagaabsorb ng bad thing na dapat mangyari sa mga nasa bahay...
Ako: he died for someone
Ako: L
Purple Haze: sabi nga din ng mga tao kaya daw namatay yun dog namin kasi siya nagabsorb ng bad din
Purple Haze: kawawa naman yun mga animals natin
Purple Haze: si vader nga hindi ko sure kung mabubuhay siya
Purple Haze: naghihingalo na siya sa bahay pero after ko ipa put down si sparta feeling ko hindi ko na kaya gawin ulit sa kanya
Ako: kaya nga siguro kung mamatay ang cat na may nine lives sobrang bad siguro nung sinalo niya
Ako: ganun? wawa naman si vader
Purple Haze: onga naiiyak nga ako pag naiisip ko siya