1. Make you smile.
2. Stick with you.
3. Sit beside you during an important game or do something else besides feeling sorry for herself.
4.Come up behind you and put her arms around you.
5. Give you nice massages.
6. Think you have the nicest arms around her.
7. Worry when you havent called when you said you will.
8. Make you remember.
9. Believe in you.
10. Hold your hand.
11. Pick clothes that look good on you.
12. Whisper how much she misses you.
13. Buy you medicine when you're sick.
14. Eat rice with you even if she swore it off for God knows it makes her fat.
15. Sleep with her head on your arm, behind your back or with her nose stuck on your cheek.
16. Like you through thick and thin, buffed or not.
17. Make you choose the restaurant to eat in and actually mean it.
18. Ask for your opinion on things, big or small.
19. Can handle conversations as well as silence.
20. Look after your family when you're not around.
21. Think about you most of the time.
22. Will let you walk her to the bus station.
23. Will let you carry her purse.
24. Think you are amazing. Always.
25. Doesn't mind paying the bill when you can't.
26. Believe in love.
27. Forgive.
28. Love to love you at all times.

It was Monday. I was alone and I know that I would feel better if someone was with me at the store. I called you up to check why you haven't arrived when you said you'd be there in 30 minutes. "Miscommunication" but you did not make me wait in vain. Thank you.

We ended up at Heaven and Eggs. I had pancakes that had dulce. you had apple crepes. we didnt finish our plates. i ate a pancake and ate the last bites of your crepe. the cherry went on top of my pancake pile which we asked to be wrapped. we went to the Glorietta but we missed the last full show. you led me to a bench near wendy's where i ended up telling you the Sex and the City movie the best possible way i can. we had a grand time reminding each other you are one forgetful person and so i might have done the storytelling in vain...you had doubts about going on a vacation because you do not want to hurt me because things wont change after. you'd still be ... i admire your honesty but not the fact that it is limited to me.

The next night, when after i cried because of your remarks, you said i am your friend and that you hope it was alright.

Two nights later, while we were trying to recall stuff lying beside each other, i amazed you with how vivid my memories were and you admitted how poor your memory was and looked at me "so you better stick around"...

I admit, while I have built a wall between us, you always manage to find a key to unlock the gate. I may never understand what "this is." Weird was the best adjective you could find to simplify it. I know. We are weirdos. That's why I think Taurus and Capricorns are compatible. Horns? yeah. Weird.

1 . Tell her she is beautiful (not fine, or sexy)

2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

6 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

7 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

8 . Write her notes. (she loves them)

9 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.

10 . Play with her hair.

11 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.

12 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

13 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.

14 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

15 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.

16 . Give her piggyback rides.

17 . Bring her flowers

18 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.

19 . Look her in the eyes and smile.

20 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

21 . Kiss her in the rain.

22 . If you're in love with her . . . tell her.

*if you have something to add, just post a comment Ü

I Don't Want To Talk About It
Rod Stewart & Amy Belle
C Dm
I can tell by your eyes
G C
That you've probably been crying for ever
Dm
And the stars in the sky
G C C7
Don't mean nothing, to you they're a mirror


F G
I don't wanna talk about it
C Em Am Am/G
How you broke my heart
F G
If I stay here just a little bit longer
F G
If I stay here won't you listen
Dm G
To my heart
C
Oh my heart


Dm
If I stand all alone
G C
Will the shadows hide the colours of my heart
Blue for the tears
Black for the nights
Dm
Well the stars in the sky
G C C7
Don't mean nothing, to you they're a mirror

chorus

chords for verse and chorus, end on G

- the interview with Jon Mullally
- the writing of the article on Jon Mullally
- diving in Palawan
- blog entries/reading list for people who have had their hearts broken
- going pesco vegetarian
- thoughts on freelancing

i will find time soon...i hope.

I am already in my late 20s. Single. Not into dating. With a lot of guy friends. With a number of gay friends. I am already considering my options in life and I found this article, Marry Him!, for lack of a better term, engaging.

But how does one unlearn the "ideals" in order to make settling an option?

I wanted to go to the Alumni Homecoming. But it fell on the same day of RJ and Vanessa's wedding. The highight of the evening was when PJ introduced me to Marc.Okay. So it wasn't the first time I met him. I actually chatted with him during a C2 event at Eastwood City. But this time, I got to shake his hand (duh) and I was "formally" introduced as a "fan." Okay. It wasn't that bad BUT i didn't want to be introduced anyway. and not as a fan. just my name or that i'm a friend of this and this.

moving on ( i seem to be doing a lot of moving ons these days)...

went to agave with bente and pj. and then pankoy or "sir" as i still call him, followed. we shared two pitchers of margaritas. we had turns talking about stuff before sir arrived but when he did, we got stuck to "navel, big buckles, and nice leather boots" hahaha it was so amusing.

i can't still understand why marc and his ex broke up, though.

I was opening new tabs when an article on Yahoo! got my attention. It was about a music video that will not be played on MTV for reasons that do not include violence and sex. And so I just had to check it out...

To quote:
"That's because of its strobe effects, which caused the clip to fail the Harding Test -- guidelines established to prevent TV images from triggering epileptic seizures."

I did not know that there was such a thing. I remember during the 80s and when MTV was just starting, I wouldn't watch it. I thought the images were not within my comfort zone. I was quite young then, naturally. But when I was in my senior year in college, we stayed on this channel most of the time specially during thesis time. I don't know if I have grown accustomed to it (proof that liking something can be taught/learned) or was it some some sort of mind programming?

Anyway, we learn something new everyday.

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS ...

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and un clutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try to pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 ... Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
(Romans 8:31)

I remembered this from a Happy Slip video..

SAVE ME by Josh Verdes

Save me
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
She’s got me on my knees
I’m saying baby baby please
Don’t leave tonight without giving me
Some of your lovin’ it makes me weak
Somebody save me

And lately
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
The way her lips just move
The way her hips just groove
The feelin’ I get when she says my name
It’s a feeling that never feels the same
Save me

Coz I found the
Love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
And I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone, oh someone
Save me now

And lately,
I know I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
You’re now that’s all I think about
The next time I can take her out
I really don’t wanna feel this way
But I think it’s already way too late
Save me

I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone ooohh someone
Save me

Coz I’ve been there way too many times before
And everytime I say it’s not gonna work
Not this time so…save me
Just save me
Somebody save me

Yeah…oh ohhh

Coz I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
and I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone…oh someone
I said someone….

Save me now

Save me now…

I so so loved Coffee Prince, a Koreanovela my brother got addicted to. We finished it tw0 weeks ago (thanks to youtube). I was thinking it must have been really difficult for the manager to admit he loved Andy when he thought she was a he. I could just imagine the emotional and psychological battle he went through before he finally admitted he was in love with "herm."

So anyway, my brother liked the Korean actress so much he progressed to The Vineyard Man. So okay, the guy in this Koreanovela doesn't look very Korean and not someone you'd easily vote for to be the leading man. He is the underdog in many ways (as opposed to the doctor). Of course, you can't relate. hahaha I wanted to root for the doctor except that his parents were monsters. Which had me thinking (and praying for) about getting a good man and in-laws that like me, at least.

This is inside Cacao at Serendra. I was feeling low. Just came from a shoot (Boracay) and good thing Bente was in the area. She attended the Why Not? talk at Magnet. So anyway, we went to Cacao and she helped me pick some chocolates.

And then, we went to CBTL. While waiting, I opened the box and she would eat half, and give the other half to me. Dark chocolates are really goooood! I loved the sugarfree, with coffee inside nibbles.

Let me see...from Jan 29 to 31, I was in Galera. Saturday, went with Ced, Cez and their 3 kids to Rockwell (i know. it's kind of weird but i do fit into anyone's family easily) I saw Bente and her sister but didn't get a chance to talk. Walked around. Had dinner at Kenny's. we then went to Plato Platina for coffee. Ray picked me up from there and brought me to see the venue he designed in Malate called Socialista. Sunday, I went to get a massage from the new Lotus Spa (Aguirre St.) Monday, traveled to Alabang for a shoot at Multinational Village. It finished early so I had to hang out at Nicky's house for a few hours since he said he'd go to Makati to meet with Jun who came in from China(he HAD TO GO boxing first). So anyway, Monday night we found ourselves at Magnet, The Fort. Rockeoke night. Had a mojito and 3 rhum coke lights while waiting for my guy friends to sing. But never actually heard them since there was a long cue of people who wanted to sing with the band. Kim H, Wong, Gio, another guyt, and my good friends nicky and jun.
Iniwanan ba namana ako ni Nicky. So anyway, saw a lot of familiar people there. Later, rode with Tata to Party Avenue. And after a beer and a half glass of Kahlua, went home.

He's a guy for crying out loud!

Recent tags really got the message across. So you are quitting now?


Songs that will always remind me of you:

Say It Right (Nelly Furtado)

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

NEYO's All Because of You
Want to but I can't help it.
I love the way it feels.
This got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it.
I want it when I don't.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday,
Knowing that I won't

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I.. (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,
Taken by the thought of it..(mmm mm)

And I know this much is true (mmmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you (mmmm)
I can barely move...but I like it,

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug. (Oowuuu)

[Verse 2]

Think of it every second,
I can't get nothing done.
Only concern is the next time, I'm 'gon get me some.
Know I should stay away from,
Cause it's no good for me.
I try and try but my obsession, won't let me leave.

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if I would quit
But I doubt it. I'm taken by the thought of it. (mmmm) (heeyh..)

And I know this much is true, (mmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you, (strung out on you..)
I can barely move...but I like it, (but I like it..)

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (all because of you) (aey!)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough (Never get enough..)
She's the sweetest drug.

[Hook #2]
Ain't no doubt.... (no doubt heayh)
So strung out. (Strung out heeayh)
Ain't no doubt....
So strung out. (heahheh!)
Over you,
Over you,(yooouuu)
Over you(yooouuu)...

[Harmonics]
(Mmouhh)

(Because of you)
(And it's all because of you)
(mm)
(Never get enough)
(She's the sweetest drug)

And I know this much is true (Truuuuue)
Baby, you (baby yoou you you you) have become my addiction (become my addiction)
I'm so strung out on you,
I can barely move...but I like it (and I like it..yeaheh..)

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (aey!)(all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough (Oooh never get enough)
She's the sweetest drug,
She's the sweetest drug...

Who's gonna give a shit?
Who's gonna take the call
Find out that the rule you had
Is painted on the wall
And you turn up to top-volume
You're just sitting there in pause
You fear a little secret
That's scratching at you with its claws
And you're trying hard to figure out
Just exactly how you feel
Before you end up parked, and sobbing
For it on the steering wheel

And who are you now?
And who were you then?
And you've got some
You could just pretend
You could figure it all out
The mathmatics--all regret
It's two beers to remember, now
And five beers to forget
I loved you so what, yeah,
I loved you so what
I loved you so what

Many times undone
One person did
As they're careening through the facade
Of their favorite fantasy
You just close your eyes slowly
Like you're waiting for a kiss
And hope some lowly little powder
Will pull you out of this
But none comes at first
And little comes at all
When inspiration finally hits you
It barely breaks your fall

And who were you then?
And who are you now?
And you can't pretend
That it'll all work out
Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
So here's two beers to remember why
And three more to forget
I loved you so...
I loved you, so what
I loved you, so what

On my way to work after going to mass, I heard this awfully familiar song. At the back of my head, I knew that I have heard it before...the lyrics, at least. But I was also sure it was a different singer. And so I just had to google it. Searched "is it over" and found that it's a song by Jaya. Further googling led me to Ronnie Milsap, a country singer. Sabi ko na nga ba, I heard it before. Anyhow, I like the message of the song.

Is it over, are you really over her
Is it over, or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over, we'll let our love begin.

You say you can't count the times that she's hurt you
And she's hurt you for the last time
Now you say I'm the one that you're needing
But is the need in your heart or just in your mind.

Is it over, are you really over her
Is it over, or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over,we'll let our love begin.

You know that I'm yours for the asking
If you're really asking, for true love
Words can't express how I want you
Oh, how I want to believe you're giving her up.

But is it over are you really over her
Is it over or will you take her back again
If it's over you can let her memory in
Come on over we'll let our love begin.

Is it over,come on over let our love begin.
Is it over..

So it's been a "I'm back on my feet!" day for me. Bente, who finds songs she thinks matches my life found this for me. We even had a conversation on its meaning.

Bente: So, if you made it
Just be glad that you did and stay there
If you ever feel loved or needed
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones
And if it's over
Just remember what I told you
It was bound to happen
So, just keep moving on
There's no perfect endings
Me: ano ito?
Bente: it's taken from a song...thought i'd share it with you :)
Me: what song?
Bente: Perfect Ending - Straylight run
Me: do you really believe there is no perfect ending?
Bente: what the song is telling you, that when things end, take whatever's beautiful from it and move on

i second the motion :)

After the recent Boracay trip, I was asked to write Manila survival tips. I am limited to just 10 points. This is what i came up with. This should go handy to anyone visiting Manila:)

10 SURVIVAL TIPS

1. Before getting into a taxi, ask if the driver knows how to get to where you are going. If he doesn’t, flag another one. Riding the MRT is the fastest way to get to most places. Just be sure to know what ride to take next to bring you to your destination.
2. Traffic is not just a noun but a situation (it means vehicular flow is very bad). While some English words take on new meaning here— “cute” can apply to anything, “cutex” is nailpolish, “Colgate” is toothpaste, “Frigidaire” refers to refrigerators—American English is widely used.
3. Do not be afraid to ask questions. Most of the people understand and speak English. So when in doubt, ask. When you are trying to find your way, ask for directions from security guards.
4. Always have smaller bills. Carry just enough cash, in pesos of course. When paying at a restaurant, check the bill if a Service Charge has already been added to it. If there is, you need not leave extra cash for tip. It is not a sin though not to tip especially if you don’t have smaller bills.
5. When riding public buses or the MRT, keep your bag infront of you. Refrain from taking out your mobile phones. Be aware.
6. There is such a thing as Filipino Time (an hour late). While there are people who do not observe this, it is still important to insist that the appointment you set is the real time you meant.
7. There are many street kids and beggars who will approach you. If you give one cash or coins, more will follow. Politely saying “wala” is safer. When they tap on your cab’s window, tap back. There may even be people dressed decently who will tell you that they lost their wallet and would need money to get home. But don’t. It’s a scam. You can suggest though that they go to the nearest police station to get help.
8. Specially at night, traffic signs are just “suggestions” so do be careful when crossing a one-way street, crossing an intersection or making a turn.
9. Dress for the typical weather which is hot and humid. Opt for cotton tops and shirts. If you can, bring a change of clothes. Wear sunscreen. And do bring an umbrella.
10. Be patient. Be patient. While Filipinos are known for their hospitality, but outside their homes, they can seem rude. There will be people who will not answer a call but only answer a text (texting is cheaper here so they might be concerned you will be spending more if they answer your call). So have an open heart. And did I say be patient?

This is for my american friend, who got bugged by parents of students he was looking after. this is my piece on the incident.

There are actually different schools of thoughts. In a country where the motto seems to be "the end justifies the means," any side can claim to be right. On one side, people say "So what's a litlle stealing here, a few rub-outs there, and a few suicides? we filipinos have such short memories, and anyway, the economy is sound and the peso is at it's strongest in years. and at this point it's always about survival so pretend not to see. principles? can you eat that? can your family live on that. On the other extreme (which by the way is the supposed position of those who seiged the Manila Pen), people are encouraged to look at the festering dissatisfaction, frustration and loss of faith in a government in power that seeks to protect its own selfish interests at all costs. even to the point of denying the all-pervasive corruption, the killings, the patronage politics, the poverty.

But then look at the inconvenience that it brought to thousands of commuters, the effect it could have on stocks and the economy,the possible retaliatiatory reactions of the government and the long term effects on the dwindling job prospects here?

Anyway, discussing politics is hard. Being one of the working class, I'm reposting a column that didnt see print. I can so totally relate with the author that after going through his draft, I asked his permission to post it. RJ Ledesma posted this:

Dear all,Greetings! Just to keep you to speed,I currently write a humor column forthe Philstar every Wed called 'Pogifrom a Parallel Universe'. However,for some reason or another, my Dec 5column will not see print. Thus, I amusing other avenues to share thiscolumn with people. Thanks.

CIRCUS CIRCUS
“In my country, everything has changed and nothing is different.”- Rio Gonzaga, The Dogeaters.

Last November 29, 2007 was anotherreason that accelerated my hair loss.

And for those of us who get ourtimecards punched in Makati, we found out about the big hullabaloo in the midst of a traffic jam. You know, the type of traffic jam where you grip the steering wheel and wait impatiently while fungus forms in between your toes. Then as the traffic ends up moving slower than geological time, a flock of police officers finally emerge in the middle of the gridlock and start flapping their armsfuriously. Apparently, these traffic enforcers think that by making aseries of repetitive hand gesturesthat they can eventually persuade our cars to stand upright and amble off the road. You mutter something derogatory and unprintable under yourb reath at the futility of their hand signals while searching for answers to this urban gnarl over the AM radio.‘What is it again?’ you asky ourself, ‘Is it another ragtag team of civic cum religious cum political cum showbiz leaders calling on GMA to resign? Is it a group of protesterswho have irrigated the streets full of nails to call attention to their bid for the Philippines to become another US state? Is it another two giant robots battling it out for the fate of the universe in the middle of Ayala Avenue?’Amidst the radio static the newsreporter barks, “Senator Trillanes and Brigadier General Danilo Lim have bolted the Makati Regional Trial Court. And when you hear the words ‘Trillanes’ and ‘bolt’ in one sentence, your mind is suddenly enveloped in a furry haze. “Along with other Magdalo soldiers, they are making their way down Paseo deRoxas.” The reporter continues tob ark more updates but it all soundslike gibberish as far as you’reconcerned. You roll your eyes as yourhead plops against the steeringwheel. ‘Oh *&^%’ you grumble. And no,this time you’re no longer worried about the economic repercussions this unauthorized field trip will have on our economy. And you’re not worried whether or not bullets will be zippingp ast your vital organs in the next several minutes. Instead, what you are really worried about is how much longer the freaking traffic is going to be.It’s really hard not to be manhid* when there’s another uprising going on. Especially when an uprising has regurgitated itself for the umpteenth &*$%ing time. Excuse me if I sound rather jaded.But how can I not be jaded? I grew up in the eighties. We are the That’s Entertainment* generation. We are the poster children for jaded. And I’ll tell you something more: We are freaking survivors, baby. We are not only a hardy bunch, we are a fool-hardy bunch. We grew up against the backdrop of the Aquino assassination.The snap elections. The Mendiola massacre. The power outages. TheMetro Manila filmfest fiasco. And the showbiz career of Kris Aquno. We’ve survived an earthquake. The Mt.Pinatubo Volcanic eruption. Waist-deep floods. Dengue outbreaks. Three days of darkness. And the showbiz career of Kris Aquino. But our true badge of jadedness stemsfrom our being witnesses to the gameo f political musical chairs that has been played since before we started growing pubic hair: the February 1986 EDSA revolution, the July 1986 Arturo Tolentino takeover of Manila Hotel (which set the gears turning in the mind of a fifteen-year-old Tony Trillanes who told himself ‘I wannatake over a hotel someday. Maybe even two.’), the August 1987 Honasan-fueled insurrection, the bloody December 1989 return of the comeback, the January 2001 EDSA II revolution, the May 2001 EDSA III revolution (some sequels justdon’t live up to the originals), the July 2003 Oakwood mutiny, the February 2006 State of Emergency, and now the November 2007 Manila Pen mutiny.We’ve had more false alarms than a woman with an irregular menstrual cycle.And you know what? My That’sEntertainment brethren and I were probably not the only who has grown jaded. All this political grandstanding generated was a news blip in CNN, a slight hiccup in the stock market, and an aborted wedding reception in the Manila Peninsula. Fact is, the incident is what the stock market would probably write offas an idiosyncratic risk. Idiot-syncratic risk indeed. Sigh. These are the type of incidentsthat make you want to forget a while about your yaya, your three female readers and your neighborhood DOMs. When another ‘concerned’ political group plays chess with our lives, all you can think about is ‘I’ve beenpaying my taxes even if I’m not too sure where it went, I’ve voted in the last several elections even when I wasn’t sure if my vote was counted, and I am regularly extorted by the MMDA even when I didn’t swerve lanes,what more do they expect me to do?’ ‘Join me in my attempt to overthrow the government and establish a caretaker president!’ they cry. ‘Sige, no problem bro.’ I answer. ‘Basta you sign off on my paycheck at the end of the day, ha?’Despite our lukewarm reception towards the Manila Pen occupation, I think that there are still some very important lessons that we can learnabout this siege mutiny stand-off,coup, pissing contest, stage production number, repeat performance, game show. And please take note that many of these lessons spring forth as a result of this administration’stenacity to cling on to power like a tapeworm to our intestines.

Lesson number 1: The media should never cover an event where they can get hurt. Or else the government will be the ones to hurt them. Next time around, the government should not merely pump our journalists full oft ear gas, have them crawl out through broken glass, bind their hands with plastic cable ties, herd them into abus and arrest, este, detain, este,process, este, question them in their exquisite Camp Crame interrogation rooms, they should also have them hogtied, tarred and feathered,branded, inoculated, brazilian waxed and pierced with tracking devices on their private parts. That should teach the media to cover news-worthy events. Next time around, the media should even avoid covering Senate investigations because I hear some ofthese senators might go ballistic. And, for reasons of personal health,they should also abstain from covering the President’s ribbon-cutting ceremonies where she rattles off alist of this administration’s achievements over two hours, unless they want to keel over from boredom.

Lesson number 2: For the administration, there is no such thing as overkill. Forget Sen. Trillanes.Forget Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim. Forget the other Magdalo soldiers. We need someone to take down ex-Vice Pres.Teofisto Guingona! And why do we need to negotiate with the mutineers when we can send off a volley of shots at Manila Peninsula that will sow panic among women, little children and yayas who live in the nearby apartments?And why do we need to send heavily armed and well-trained troops into the hotel when an Armored Personnel Carrier can do the job just as well? After all, nothing sends home a message of how serious this government is about mutiny like a tank squatting in the five-star hotel lobby. But why stop there? The next time someone jaywalks on the highway, he should be strung up by one of those mesh wire barriers that colorum buses indiscriminately bump into along EDSA. The next time somebody misses his aim in an MMDA urinal, he should be electrocuted in his privates until he learns how to improve his aim. The next time somebody says an untoward word against the First Gentleman, we will ask the First Gentleman to sit on him. Remember also that if things go from bad to overkill, the government is more than willing to bring back martial law, este, a state of emergency, este, a curfew, a curfew! So forget about your midnight gimmicks! Forget about satisfyingyour late night munchies! Forget about visiting your favorite girlie bars! You’re going to party like it's 1972. And what’s next after the curfew? A government mandated return to sideburns and flare pants with plaid prints!? The horror.

Lesson number 3: Sen. Trillanes will never be able to check into a five-star hotel. Ever. Again. Whenever the Senator comes within proximity of the Makati area, the general managersof most hotels lose bladder control.However, given the length of time that both of his mutinies lasted, he is probably better off conducting his next mutiny at Victoria Court. In the meantime, while they are processing Sen. Trillanes’ Victoria Court privilege card, he is temporarily checked in at the five-star Camp Crame maximum security detention facilities. At this point, it might be rather difficult for the good Senator to check out, but it has been managed several times by Pentagon kidnap leader Faisal Marohombsar, convicted Jemaah Islamiyah Indonesian bomber Fathur Al-Ghozi and two AbuSayyaf militants. And I hear thatVictoria Court has some great crispy pata.

Lesson number 4: There is money to be made in would-be mutinies. If the Department of Tourism can cobble up atour selling the barren wastelands ofPinatubo, then why can’t they put together a tour showcasing the country’s most memorable coup sites?And we do have several sites to choose from. And in these tours, you can have both a coup site and a hotel package at the same time! Imagine the kind of business we can generate from tourists hailing from the more mature democracies who will never come close to these types of political fiestas?What with their social security, their unemployment checks and their healthcare, what these foreigners need in their lives is a little more color,a little more uncertainty and a little more police brutality. I can hear the tour guide’s spiel in my head: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is the room where the late Sen. Tolentino holed himself up and declared himself the acting president because Marcos was inexile!’ or ‘This is the room where thePresident was supposedly hiding under her bed while rebel aircrafts strafed Malacanang Palace.’ or ‘This is thes treet corner where an ABS-CBN OB-van was torched and looted during the oh-so-exciting May riots.’ And after that, they can make a quick stop over Camp Crame’s maximum security facilities, visit their world-famous detainees, get an autograph and maybe even a seditious statement or two. ‘And don’t forget to come back next year,’ the tour guide reminds our guests. ‘As we plan to add more coup attempt sites on our list based on the latest military intelligence reports! The Philippines, where banana republic is not just a clothing label, but away of life.’I think they are already planning to put up a Trillanes conference room in the Peninsula once the General Manager recovers from his nervous breakdown.

And, finally lesson number 4: Would-be mutineers never tire of sequels. With Capt. Nicanor Faeldon still onthe loose there could possibly be as many mutinous attempts as there will be Police Academy sequels. And hopefully these other attempts will be just as successful as the Police Academy sequels.You had us at Oakwood, SenatorTrillanes. We got your punchline, but excuse us if we didn’t laugh. We don’tneed any more of these jokes. This administration has provided us with enough humorous material to last us upto the next Ice Age: the “Hello Garci”scandal, the multimillion peso fertilizer scandal, the IMPSA bribery scandal, the “Jose Pidal” scandal, the jueteng scandal, the Northrail projectscandal, the Venable contract scandal,the NBN-ZTE scandal, the bribery at Malacanang scandal, the extra judicial killings scandal - there are more scandals in this administration than there are in a bootleg sex video DVD. Sometimes all we nine-to-five slavesto our office cubicles can really do about this larger-than-life chessmatch is simply to make light of things. And how can we not make lightof things when we all feel like the politics in this country has touched our lives like a pedophile? How can we not make light of things when wea ll feel like we’re trapped in a poorly-written sitcom starring bad actors with poor makeup in a show that is in a perpetual state of re-runs? Back in 2005, when the country was already laughing hard enough to have an aneurysm, Tita Cory kindly askedt he President to humor us all and stepdown from that pedestal that we weren’t really sure she should be standing on in the first place. But no, the President insisted, I still got a few more chuckles left inside me. And, yes she absolutely did keep us laughing so hard that we’ve chokedon our spittle.‘Don’t worry,’ she winks, ‘I’ve got only got three more years to go’ shep romises us with the same intensity of conviction that she displayed when she first declared that she would no longer run for president. ‘Only three more years left,’ we shiver. ‘Only three more years,’ we pray. Three more years, dear Lord. Nothing more please because I don’t think we havea ny laugh left in us. And if it anyless, please spare us from any more monstrous traffic jams, unpaid hotel bills and armored personnel carriers in our front yards. But in the meantime, all we can do is roll oureyes, plop our head against the steering wheel, then pray that the next traffic jam is because of two giant robots battling it out for the fate of the universe in the middle of Ayala Avenue.

“The beautiful thing about our culture is that we can always find ways to laugh things off.”- Sen. Domingo Avila, The Dogeaters

For comments, suggestions or halo-halo at the Manila Pen, please text PM POGI to 2948 for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers. Or email

I'd rather tell the world my story than have someone tell it for me :)

But it doesn't mean I can't keep secrets.

9 hardest times of your life
- admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right
- realizing that you have been tricked after you have given your whole trust
- trying to understand when you just cannot
- accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be
- debating with yourself
- parting and letting go of someone you love
- trying to forget something you know you never will
- pretending to be innocent of what you know about
- being questioned when you yourself do not understand

i have been meaning to write about a lot of things...mostly of how crazy things have been. of how most things suck right now...of how i wish people would be more forgiving or be more mindful or be more consistent...of how i hope injustice in all forms be eradicated...lots of stuff. but tonight i heard news from my orgmate that his current officemate and one of our orgmates (who is older than me but would call me "Ate" and who i know as a very jolly person)is dead. they found him dead in his home where he lives alone. they went there because he wasn't answering texts and calls since sunday.

this has put all the things i think about at a stop. death is always something that reminds me that there can be no tomorrow, or later. it is just now. here. that time is important and to whom and what we dedicate our time should be to whom and what we really want to spend time with and on.

there is no such thing as being too busy or being too stressed. we make time... we should make time for people we care about, for causes we believe in.

i really would love to write a longer piece but i have to go. i have to re-write parts of a feature.

but i'd like you to know, specially if you know who i am, that i am thankful i have met you. i may care about you. i may have loved you for a time. or i may still love you especially if you are bente, wab, ho and pol =) i may have met you while in school, at the office or through friends but i know that you have made an impact in my life that is why you know this blog even exists.

again, thank you... and carpe diem!

"racing against time, trying to beat the odds, while trying to keep a sense of dignity drive me crazy..." My friend Bente agrees with me on this. We talked about this yesterday. Last night, while I was walking Ayala Ave. from Paseo Center (where LC and I ate at Persia Grill), I saved this in my phone's draft messages. I only got to send this today.

Anyway...

I went to a Deepawali "Diwali" Festival at Swagat Indian Cuisine with a friend. The meal was divine! I particularly liked the Murgh Badami (tender chicken cooked with almonds and spices) I rolled in warm roti. And the dessert, Gulab Jamon, was simple gorgeous. Of course you would understand that these were cheeseballs dipped in syrup. I love cheese.

Diwali starts tomorrow, November 8. It is said to be a festival that marks the victory of good over evil, the homecoming of goodwill and faith after an absence, as suggested by the story of Ramayana. I am sounding too geeky.

Visit Swagat at FCC Building, Rada St., Legaspi Village, Makati City.

I started blogging because of someone who would call me "this blog's name" and who I would like to believe, looks out for me and finds that being a teenyweeny bit crazy occasionally is "one of the nice parts of me." I loved the last email so i am sharing it :

Thanks for the blog address. Will have a look at it again. You should really finish your thesis - will only say it once cos I know it will annoy you!

You are right about falling in love - and with you it is crazy, but wonderful ;)

Am not having any fun at the moment. Had a really hard time the last few months in Malawi and am just doing nothing to recover - sleeping, reading etc - nothing very active. But I will need to start getting a social life in DC or I will just become another faceless, lifeless international bureaucrat. Yuck!!

ciao

If you ever do visit this blog as you said you will, i am glad we met. and that we are still in touch. I may not finish my thesis but I will always participate in planning/developmental work in any way possible. I may not have the credentials to ever work for you but I will find time to read your book (if only I can find a copy). God bless you and the good work you do. ciou (how people from southern Italy would spell ciao, right?) And while you do, have fun. Life is short :)

I'm one person who believes that the only way someone can hurt me is because I allowed him to. That the only person I can control is myself. shit happens but what makes the difference is my attitude towards the shit. Whatever I choose to do, someone will get hurt. Either I do or i don't, I will hurt myself or someone. But I also believe that hurt, like all feelings, is fleeting. That there are no right and wrong decisions. It's about making a decision and making it right.

Texted in between sleep the whole day. i came home like 4:30 or 5 am already. no one was home except my dog. which reminds me, i have to save for her revaccinations.

i am "naturally fierce" when I am not depressed. I don't like it when people avoid questions or if someone beats around the bush. get to the point. time is too precious to waste. while i do believe "it's the journey, not the destination," the reverse can also apply. it's either you do, or you do not.

i know i can trust too much and believe too much specially in the goodness of people. i am by nature, a loner so i strive to open up but since it's not natural for me, i can overdo it and let people into my life that easily and eventually, i can even be accused of setting myself up for shit (if it happens). pardon the shits. i am using shit to replace "awful things, awful people, traumatic incidents, etc." it's easier to use.

do i need a drink? i cant tell yet. i was so frustrated last night i finished a bottle of red wine by myself. but the best part is, i didn't have to pay for it hahaha

i might as well get ready to go to Girly's birthday.

it has been a while since i last blogged. i've actually been to visayas (bohol), mindanao (surigao) and north luzon (baguio) in a span of three weeks. if i said yes to the trip this weekend to camarines, i might be too tired for the next weekend.

i've been to cloud 9. i've been to Naked Island which is no longer naked because of a lone coconut tree that was recently planted. i got to jump off the side of a sohotan cove cave. i've dined with politicians. i've heard eco-tourism promotion paired with being open to a golf course. i've had merienda beside Mainit Lake. i got to see la trinidad's farms and church bell.

i also have put makeup on roughly a hundred different faces in five days. have traveled to alabang almost everyday.

the last two movies i have seen are Evening and Stardust, with the same person, in the same mall, both last full shows.

i was made to wait for hours...but i didn't get the chance to get mad. instead, i had to cheer him up.

and i have grown fond of a gentle giant. giant like 6'2"

i am in a gray area. i think.

"Oist" (12:27 am 15-Oct-2007)
"?"
"? ka din"
"Hala. Lasing ka na naman....."

While I was taught to love people unconditionally, to put other people's needs before my own, I am learning not to...just because i don't want to learn to hate.

"We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we only owe to God. Then they become gods; then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred."
—C.S. LEWIS, The Four Loves

I found this piece at a very timely hour.

http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2007/may/14/yehey/life/20070514lif4.html

I went to a wedding last night (26 Sept 07). Rome and Jing's. Early yesterday morning, I watched "My Bestfriend's Wedding" on HBO (saw it years ago but somehow the boat scene got me teary-eyed). My friend Mayette drove me home and on our way we got to talking about jel-o and creme brule..if Kimmy and Michael's marriage will last...anyway, I think a wedding reminds us that finding love is possible...

Congratulations and best wishes!

Have you ever been to a bachelor's party where the only bachelor (technically since I can't really call Josa/Ho a bachelor, can I?), is the groom to be? I have just attended one (okay, participated may be a better term since we all went to Unimart and then I helped the host in the kitchen. Made good food). We were a small group of seven (7 is my favorite number) and we did have a nice time. It was funny though and at the same time sweet that we had to leave at around midnight because his fiancee was waiting for him. He had to bring her home pa.

It's almost 5 am. I'm writing out of the desire to create this routine of blogging again. Now, if only I can find the command so as not to cross-post this to my "not anonymous" blog...

It is always interesting to find out that people do read your blog. It is also interesting to note that Iskos and Iskas feel strongly about being iskos and iskas (we easily gel with each other even if we don't really belong to the same batch, same course, or whatever). Since I have entered UP, I have only known one guy who thinks that UP did not add to him as a person and has not EVER eaten at Rodic's until such time when I MADE HIM EAT there (yes, he is the rarest case). I also have experienced that when UP people talk about college experiences, there will always be something in common or that everyone else can relate with no matter how mundane. And that sometimes, these trips to memory lane provide amusement to people who didn't go to UP . Like the last time we went to The Wine Club along Aguirre St..(yes, some of us also like wine and cheese in addition to or not just ice-cold san mig light), the owners of the bar/wine store stayed and laughed at our stories and even gave us a discount. So anyway, I'm reposting this message from an account that I have just been given access to ( to help update it) in one of the more popular sites today. To be pasaway is not always bad.

U.P. made you in such a way that when the world is sitting, you would be standing...
And when the world is standing, you would stand out...
And when the world stands out, you would be outstanding...
And when the world tries to be outstanding, you would be the standard...
(In short, naging pasaway ka...)
Isang masaya at may-yabang na sentenaryo sa iyo, taga- U.P! ;-D

TOP 20 SCHOOLS IN THE PHILIPPINES

This list is a result of the study conducted by the ProfessionalRegulations Commission (PRC) and the Commission on Higher Education (CHED), based on the average passing rate in the BOARD EXAMINATIONS OF ALL COURSES of all universities and colleges in thePhilippines. This study is conducted every 10 years. It is surprising that Ateneo schools rank only 5 and 6, while DLSU is a distant #16.

1. University of the Philippines(Diliman Campus / Luzon )
2. University of the Philippines(Los Banos Campus/ Luzon )
3. University of the Philippines(Manila Campus / Luzon )
4. Silliman University ( Dumaguete City / Visayas)
5. Ateneo deDavao University ( Davao City / Mindanao )
6. Ateneo de Manila University ( Loyola Heights / Luzon )
7. University of Sto . Tomas ( Manila / Luzon )
8. Mindanao State University (Iligan Institute of Technology / Mindanao )
9. Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila (Manila/Luzon)
10. Saint Louis University ( Baguio City / Luzon )
11. University of San Carlos ( Cebu City / Visayas)
12. Xavier University (Cagayan de Oro City / Mindanao )
13. Mindanao State University (Main campus / Marawi City )
14. Urios College ( Butuan City / Mindanao )
15. Polytechnic University of the Philippines ( Manila / Luzon )
16. De La Salle University ( Manila / Luzon )
17. Mapua Institute of Technology ( Manila / Luzon )
18. Adamson University ( Manila / Luzon )
19. Central Mindanao University (Musuan, Bukidnon/Mindanao)
20. University of Southern Philippines ( Davao City /Mindanao)

Be proud, Isko ng Bayan!

I still remember Claudine, a healer (who opened my Chakras so I didn’t drink during the send-off of one of my batchmates) figured out that I give too much just by touching my shoulders…mental note to self: self above others. Hahaha. I am learning to be a little selfish.

Last August 30, we went to a new friend’s place (who lives with his charming fiancée in this tastefully done apartment) with a bucket of Chickenjoy (hot n’ spicy), a two-piece original meal, rice (7 servings man!), lots of gravy and spaghetti. By we, I meant I went with Bente, Ho, and Pol. Take-out dinner that went with several glasses of wine. Spanish Gate was gooood. Did I mention I love wine? Oh well I do. Red wine particularly. In between, I accompanied Ho to buy a pack of lights and dropped by Kozui and got tea for Bente. Of course, my dear friend was there but we didn’t stay.

Anyway, we were supposed to go home already when Pol made us agree to a round of beer. We ended up at Quattro, with a macho mug each, and a plate of chicharong bulaklak. Earlier, I was kidding Ho to buy me flowers so when we got our pulutan, they joked that I “can have my flowers and eat them, too.” Hahaha Really funny. Had fun and I’m thankful that I have these people as my friends.

I found this word file on my desktop. I probably saved it for a good reason. While some of it I find really cruel, i think most of it still amuses me (for a time, I may have subscribed to all of them. hahaha)

Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin. Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako nagsawa. Natauhan lang."

Pwede mo kong lokohin pero wag kang magpapahuli sakin. Pwede mo kong palitan pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno hanggang pumorma na. Tapos pag nahulog ka na, ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang iiyak at smile lang tayo. Punyeta, anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too much tears nor did I ask him to love me again. Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!"

Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka, mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin. Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga, iiyakan mo pa?

Pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo, wag mo siyang sisihin! Kausapin mo siya ng harap-harapan at sabihin mong, "Ingat, tanga ka pa naman!"

Masakit pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo. Pero wag kang magagalit ng husto. Kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman kayo, diba? Kaya for the last time yakapin mo siya at ibulong mo, "Gago, kukulamin kita!"

Girls, talo daw tayo sa mga boys? Papayag kayo? Sige, pag niligawan tayo, sagot agad. Pag iniwan tayo? Ok lang. Kapag sinabi nilang, "Uy, ex ko." Alam niyo sagot diyan? "Ay, ambisyoso."

If the one you love doesn't love you back, don't get depressed. Just think about it for a while, maybe cry a bit then wipe your tears and say, "Ang weird naman niya. Di siya pumapatol sa magaganda!"

You only got one life so live it well, one heart so take good care of it, one soul so keep it pure. One boyfriend? What a waste! Make it two or more! Sayang ganda natin!

Pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo na ayaw na niya sayo, hayaan mo lang. Wag kang iiyak at magpapakagago! Imbis na iyakan mo siya, ngitian mo lang at sabihin mo ang ganito, "So, pano? Bye na! Naghihintay na ang kapalit mo!"

Who cares about break-ups? Oo nga, masakit. Makirot sa puso. Pero tandaan mo: a break-up isn't only an end to a relationship. It's also a beginning of a new one and an end to a living hell called "ex".

"And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Get Your Sexy Name

It's been two weeks since I last cried. Sobbed would be more appropriately. Sobbed shamelessly. It has been a while since i felt that vulnerable.

I Can't Make You Love Me
(M. Reid/A. Shamblin) as Performed by Bonnie Raitt (Luck of the Draw 1991)
Locally, re-recorded by Nina (Janis and I would sing this on our way to and from Baclaran church)

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

"You're my lucky charm."

"If this doesn't work, will you marry me?"

"Tara, tanan na tayo."

Bru is driving me out of my head. The day ends with Bru saying not to do the usual wake up call because Bru was already awake. This was after several text messages about extravagance and feelings of insecurity to wanting my opinion. Gosh. As if it matters.

It's Friday now. Freaky pain in this area (between my neck and my stomache) woke me up. At around 3 pm, it happens again. I had to sit still and pray.

It's now 15 minutes past 4 in the afternoon. Thick blankets of rain are seen from where i am seating. It's sad. And I thank the heavens for crying for me.

I had a really packed wednesday. Lunch was at Hyatt. We were served with Angus beef but didn't have much of an appetite so I just tried a slice of the Prime Rib Eye so as not to disappoint the chef and the PR manager. I loved the mashed pumpkin, though. And the potatoes. And the asparagus. And the dessert was good. It was called Latte Cotto with Ameretti Stick and Orange Zest. Interesting, too, was the rhum-based cooler. I was given a box of chocolates. I remembered bru who liked white.

Went to Ortigas home depot to shoot a store that specializes in water fountains. I passed around the chocolate box but asked that the white ones be left behind.

Bru offered to pick me up. So i decided to drop by Enderun's Wine Event. But of course, this didnt happen. i was really tipsy on my way home. i may have sobbed in front of someone.

it's just so sad to be sad. again.

This is written the morning after another drunken night. Yes, I have been drinking for two nights straight. It's a guy thing, I know. But what else is there? I don't do drugs and certainly won't try them. maybe valium?

It's really sad trying to keep a straight face amidst the chaos going through inside me. I wish I knew what this pain is for. May be I just have to believe that somewhere, someone is being molded using the same plates (aaargh!). I wish i can keep this up for the next couple of weeks. or that i would still believe.

can i have more beer please?

It's been one...okay, i have to swear, i'm sorry...hell of a monday. not manic but magical. not for me but for them. anyway, went to Maru with some friends. Thanks nicky for driving me safe home. i hope you do get to clear your checks today so you can buy us beer today. i'm back to the land of the drinking hehe

is harry potter worth missing for you?

gosh. M is fo Manic. While you insist it is for Magic. Whatever. Monday sucked.

Currently analyzing the complicated...figuring out the unpredictable...and struggling. But still making time...which makes me utterly sad and undeniably stupid.

That was me until today...now i'm just "in repair"

i've been through this. Make me hate. It's against my nature but it might help. what did i do to deserve this? is it because i was too understanding? did i make you feel i wouldn't get hurt?

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain."-- Neil Gaiman

I have been looking for you. I have reasons to look for you... my life's leaps of faith and moments of happiness (that i can look back to) come from you. Have I met you?

I'm in the office now. Good thing we can blog. I am trying to work but to no avail. I might have been here before. Or this can be an entirely new thing. But whatever it is, when i think about it, i just want to give in. i am trying to be strong. otherwise, things would be more difficult for you. please find me now and put me where i should be. and quit moving me around if it bothers you that much.

Okay. This is not the first time I was asked this question. But then it still is difficult to answer. I tried my best to translate into words why i think, feel, or believe (i don't even know the right verb for it) are the bases of how I was able to conclude, realize or admit that I do love you. Somewhere between those lines, I may have lost parts of what I wanted to tell you. I am poor with words. I'm better at showing. But can you really see? Can you see that I love you for what you are? That I love you for what I am when I am with you and for what you are making of me? That I love you for what I am able to bring out of you and for the part of me that you bring out?

I promise myself ..
to be so strong that nothing can disturb
my peace of mind.
to talk health, happiness and
prosperity to every person i meet.
to make all my friends feel that there
is something worthwhile in them.
to look at the sunny side of everything
and make my optimism come true.
to think only of the best to work only
for the best and to expect only the
best.
to be just as enthusiastic about the
success of others as I am about my own.
to forget the mistakes of the past and
press on to the greater achievements of
the future.
to wear a cheerful expression at all
times and give a smile to every living
creature i meet.
to give so much time to improving
myself that i have no time to criticize
others.
to be too large for worry, too noble
for anger, too strong for fear, and too
happy to permit the presence of
trouble.
to think well of myself and proclaim
this fact to the world, not in loud
words but in great deeds.
to live in the faith that the whole
world is on my side, so long as i am
true to the best that is in me.

I froze while everyone continues to move. And no matter how many people try to offer their consolation, I know that I have to get through this alone. And let time take its course.

It's been quite some time again. I'm sorry. It's just that I've been very busy. Busy with work. Busy with getting lost. Busy with finding my way back into my world.

You are strange. You are beautiful. Possibly. Maybe. But am i capable?

When i read this entry after years, i hope i can still read between the lines i have written :P

Ako: haze patay na si Tagtag ung fighting fish ko
Ako: L
Ako: na-heat stroke ata
Purple Haze: aaaawww im sorry dear
Purple Haze: baka kasama niya si homie sa fish heaven L
Ako: oo nga. i fed him last yesterday
Ako: tapos knnang am, papalitan ko sana water niya
Ako: hindi sya nagmo-move. kala ko sluggish lang.
Ako: pero un, wala na life yung eyes niya
Ako: tapos when i shook the bowl to elicit some kind of reaction
Ako: wla na. float float na lang sya
Ako: sabi sa feng shui book, ung fish daw ang nagaabsorb ng bad thing na dapat mangyari sa mga nasa bahay...
Ako: he died for someone
Ako: L
Purple Haze: sabi nga din ng mga tao kaya daw namatay yun dog namin kasi siya nagabsorb ng bad din
Purple Haze: kawawa naman yun mga animals natin
Purple Haze: si vader nga hindi ko sure kung mabubuhay siya
Purple Haze: naghihingalo na siya sa bahay pero after ko ipa put down si sparta feeling ko hindi ko na kaya gawin ulit sa kanya
Ako: kaya nga siguro kung mamatay ang cat na may nine lives sobrang bad siguro nung sinalo niya
Ako: ganun? wawa naman si vader
Purple Haze: onga naiiyak nga ako pag naiisip ko siya

Naiirita ako sa kapatid kong bunso. Lahat na lang ng gusto nakukuha na walang appropriate na hirap at pagod. He just threatens everyone’s insanity by acting like a psychopath just so he will be given what he wants. Punyeta talaga. E naman by his size and the way he handles a conversation (correction, one-way screaming fest pala na iskandalo lagi dahil wala naman siyang hiya so kaya niya) make me wish I was larger and physically stronger than he is. Or that I have a bigger house with a bigger lawn and that it was surrounded with high fence so I can actually deal with him without worrying about the neighbors especially if he starts the fight in the wee hours of the morning. Of course you can argue that he can start a fight and if I just ignored him, it won’t turn into something catastrophic. I’ve tried that but it makes him angrier so he starts yelling. I don’t know…may be it gives him a rush to see people in a bad mood. No pakiusap works with him. I haven't really tried asking him to a boxing match because my house is small and there are just so many things that he can and WILL break just to piss me off. He stops at nothing to get what he wants.

Oh how I wish I was some place else. Far away from him. He drives me nuts.

This is a very good article. Read it. Those who are still single may learn something from here....Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage.... Please Pass . . . (I posted)

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love. With your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.

You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make" love work.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. a commitment in relationship to work on . Not just a feeling.

Happy Easter!

On our way to Cavite, I realized how different I was now than when the time I was just trying to recover from the breakup. Then, i would readily ride on a bike on EDSA and not care about death. But now, I really would rather ride on a four-wheeler. What I'm saying is I love my life now. I may not have him or someone as close as him, but I am thankful that I am very much alive and would love to keep myself this way.

Siya: Hi Karla
Ako: Who is this please?
Siya: Hulaan mo po?
Ako: I know hundreds of people and my number was posted on the television so no, i cant guess who you are
Siya: Pls guess mo lang
Ako: Peter Parker?
Siya: Wow, galing...Walang halong biro, cno hula mo?
Ako: Clue? May prize b ako pagnahulaan ko?
Siya: Bsta un sincere n lngng nand2 4 u
Ako: God? Is that you?
Siya: Di ako si God...Bsta alam ko luv kta, sincere un
Ako: Bahala ka nga sa buhay mo!
After a few minutes...
Batang Kulit: I'm sori...

I may be the only girl na gabi-gabi ay may kasamang superhero, alternately pa. Nakabalot sa katawan, minsan nilalapatan ng ulo. Si "superman" at si "spider man" pa o ha. Isang alien from outer space at isang freak of nature, nevertheless, good looking superheroes. Ano ba? Kumot ko sila. Memories of Baguio with a fallen super hero. Ngayon na mainit, ginagawa kong pangdagdag sa taas ng unan. Syet. Ang init. Summer na summer na.

The most interesting thing about heart transplants is that one completely loses his own heart & be replaced with someone else's yet still has the feelings for the same person he loves. This proves that love works in the minds of people & not in their hearts. Bottom line is, love is a state of mind. You'll learn how to forget only if you try doing so." --- Dr. Burke, Grey's Anatomy

Very relatable. Taking a quick break from churning articles. It's our deadline today. I am starting early. As if i care enough not to be late. Maybe I do. Pride does this to me.

nanood ako ng 300. my gaaash! Nation of beautiful people. It was my first time to actually watch battle scenes na ang napapansin ko ay yung mga flexing muscles. Minsan pa ay may kasamang kilig Hahaha It was weird. I couldn't concentrate on the gore :P

Just came from a desolate island. had a nice time. "took one for the team" and for "RP and Australian relations," and "visiting for-ces agreement." However the pinoys and a pinay at the bar will last night will call it. Aliw na medyo ilang pero keri lang. Buti na lang, marunong akong uminom. Thanks for the concern kung may hangover ako. Sorry to disappoint but I didn't have one. Ano na kaya nangyayari doon ngayon? Masaya pa kaya yung bar? Sobrang ingay na may nagreklamo na guests.

In less than two days, i felt how ironic life is . And that history will try to repeat itself. I hope that things will be different now. got to go.

I am depressed kasi:
1. I am really tired. or more appropriately uninspired of going to the office.
2. I hurt the feelings of someone really dear to me who is one of the very few reasons i am still working where i am working.
3. I dislike the fact that I am 27 and have pimples on my face. Ugh! And this..mmm....person *aaaarrrgh!* made me feel bad about these zits. As if my being charming depended on them. hah!
4. I want an SOJ! I am so sad i am considering young boys which is quite funny
5. I feel old enough for things i want to do/be but can't do/be because the other parts of the equation are not in place.
6. I will not be able to present our Muntinlupa Shelter Plan on the 23rd because i will be on a desolate island reading on "Why Men NeverRemember and Women Never Forget."

But I am thankful because:
1. because i will be on a desolate island reading on "Why Men NeverRemember and Women Never Forget."
2. I am still open to giving working "there" a shot. I actually filed a leave para ma-miss ko ang office. Talaga namang mataas ang tolerance ko for shitty things.
3. I went to Baclaran tuesday night/wed early am with Janis and her Tita and her Tita's aleli (a new term i got from her). It was a nice experience.
4. We are doing a makeover for tv again! And this time, sana mas mura since this is our second time.
5. Oh and because I went to Palau and got to try the clay at Milky Way (which was rubbed all over be, without warning, by a Palauan called " Jheheysn". syempre deadma na lang kasi ginawa niya din naman sa ibang naunang umahon e) and got to swim with stingless jellyfish (this was the HIGHLIGHT for me..lovely, freaks of nature).
6. I went to a meeting with former dorm mates (freshmen freshmen) and had a blast. I found another circle, or more appropriately, rediscovered. And i drank 6 bottles of beer and not felt tipsy after.

I am... excited! because I am going to learn to drive this year! By hook or by borrowing my brother's key while he sleeps, I am going to learn!

I am...better.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

--Marianne Williamson

They say it's good. some say it's a nation of yum ;p in any case...

Bought dog food before going to the office. Ang mahal pero okay na din lang kasi mahal ko naman si Lala e. Pero next time na lang ulit si Low Fat Adult Dog food kasi doble siya. mabigat sa bulsa. Bumili din ako ng dollar pampalit sa pinahiram sa akin ni Sangoku kaso nakalimutan ko din ibigay. Hassle kasi mahal pa naman ang bumili sa banko. Sana naghintay na lang ako sa Monday kay Ate A. Haaay.

Chatted with this person who now is known as Huny or something to that effect. Kulit niya ha. Simpleng tanong ayaw sagutin. Parang ayaw niyang dumali ang buhay pag-ibig ko.

went to eastwood after work. varied crowd tonight but young meat still abound. these girls are like just high school and they're like...so not gen X. I remember that during those days, being a gen Xer was taboo. times change so fast. skirts are hiking up faster than we age.

ganda mood ni brother sinundo ako sa eastwood. ayaw ko na sumabay pauwi kay "Marvin Gay" e. pauwi na kami when his wheel's lock won't budge with the turn of the key. it got stuck. hassle. pero we made it through. buti na lang, malakas siya. Dasal ever ako kasi ayaw ko naman mag-stay sa parking di ba? Ayun sa awa ng Diyos, naputol niya isang portion. ibig sabihin hindi siya ganun ka-effective kasi pati yung may-ari, na-prevent i-drive 'yung sasakyan. at naputol siya. bago kayo bumili ng lock, i-consult niyo muna ko ha?

Gusto ko ding sumama sa Singapore kina Josa.

I will try to blog everyday. it's not gonna be substantial but i hope i get into the habit of writing random pieces. Ayoko na ng masaydong structured. Yung masaydong pinag-isipan.

I met a "new" writer today. Pinapili niya ako ng ampaw. On impulse, I wanted to go for the one with a tied ribbon. But i deliberated with myself to just get the one with the untied bow (inisip ko kawawa naman siya, sira na nga siya, hindi ko pa siya pipiliin. lonely na siyang sobra). I was told, I chose career over love. Shucks. So see, it is a conscious effort, not going into a relationship. Pero gusto ko na din ng Ortigas romance. I want a SOJ for real ;p

So anyway, i also got an exotic massage. Saraaaap! The type that has no malice attached. Mahirap na kahit sa likod lang. You never can tell (until after several years pag umamin na. Hahahaha!) But if i keep having these massages to ease my body pains, I will have to give up drinking. Hmmm Afterwards, ate at this Bombay resto beside it. The first time i ate there was 2005.

Blue, as how Bani will call him, texted me again today. Sobra naman talaga itong batang ito. Kung matangkad lang siya, mayaman, at hot, wala ng isip-isip tutal mukhang gusto niya talaga ako. Either that or he's just checking if dreams do come true. Hahahaha Oh well. The only way is if he wins several millions sa lotto. Love is good but right now, i need cash.
And who wants love when it is easily dismissed as "not love" pala. Duh. Buti pa ang pera, consistent and definite.

Barry has stayed with me. I've never really forgotten him. Dare I say I still miss him? I do. I still miss him. I see him in my dreams. Dreams that I'd rather call nightmares, but nightmares tinged with love. This I think is the strangeness of the human heart, my heart at least. I still cannot fathom how he could abandon me so quickly, without any sort of grief that would make him look back and see how we were and how he failed to see how we could still be. The pain is like a typhoon that ocassionaly wreaks havoc in my life...

Maaaring hindi ako ang unang nagsulat ng ibang mga bagay sa mga sumusunod na mmm (ano ba paragraphs sa Pilipino) pero sa wari ko, malaking bahagi ng laman ng mga sumusunod na pangungusap ay siyang sinasabi ng puso ko (*naks*). Basta. Masarap magmahal ng taong mahal ka din lalo na during the times na feeling niyo soulmates kayo. Ang mahirap nga lang ay kapag nagiging routine na at magkaiba yung tingin niyo sa sitwasyon, yung kapag nawala na ang "soulmate-like feeling" hindi na ba pagmamahal yun? Hindi na nagma-matter kung sa diwa mo, alam mo na sa lahat, wala na iba na sasakto. Mahirap din kung ma-tanga bigla ang isa sainyo at i-question kung ano ang meron kayo na wala man lang basehan. Kung baga, all evidences point to only love's side and yet one chooses to doubt and look at the other side. Kungsabagay UP ako. Non-conformist daw. Confused ka? Alam ko. Ako din e. Antok na kasi ako.

Sabi nila, ang pagmamahal, dumadating sa tamang panahon. Pero kelan nga ba ang tamang panahon? Mahalaga ata ang pagmumuni-muni para marealize mo na tamang panahon na. Marunong kaya ang lahat ng tao nun?

Minsan, sinisisi ko ang sarili ko kung bakit "ngayon ko lang" malalaman na mahal ko pala ang isang tao. Pero malay ko lang pala, ngayon ko lang nalaman kasi heto na ang "tamang panahon." Some people think of being in a relationship as "just to pass time" --fling or trip lang, yung mahal mo ngayon pero bukas hindi na. Girlfriend mo ngayon pero tanggap mo na isang araw, tatawagin mo din siyan "Ex" . Makatarungan ba 'yon? Iyong iba pa, matagal nga, inaabot ng taon. Isa? Dalawa? Tatlo? Pero pagnagkasawaan na, lagi nang nag-aaway. Or may oras na ng pagkikita. Ganun ba ang pagmamahal? May iba naman tumatagal lang dahil nanghihinayang sa pinagsamahan. Meron din namang tanga na kayang magpakamatay. Meron pang iba na pinipigilan yung nararamdaman kasi high school pa lang o di kaya teenager palang. Pinipigilan kasi gusto niyang maging sila nung taong itinatangi niya sa panahong seryosohan na. 'Yung sigurado na siya sa taong gusto niyang makasama sa panghabangbuhay kumbaga "tamang panahon." Pero kelan nga ba yun?

Sabi nila kung para sayo talaga siya, ilang taon man kayo hindi magkita, ilang tao man ang sabihin niyang minahal niya, gaano man siya kalayo o karami ng hadlang, magkikita pa rin kayo kung talagang para kayo sa isa't isa. Sabi din nila ang pag-ibig, kusang dumarating at hindi hinahanap. So kung totoo ang mga ito, bakit ganito tayo?

Gusto ko lang hiramin ang 'quote' na ito na made tusok-tusok my heart kasi reminded me of *secret*: "I dont care how many lips you have kissed. I don't care how many women you've embraced. I don't care how many ladies heard you say you love them . All I care about is the future...Not to be you're first but to be your last." Oo nga't nasabi na natin ito, not the exact words but the exact thoughts. Pero kaya pa kayang sabihin ulit and really mean it?

Habang buhay, may pag-asa.... Pasensiya na. Antok na ako. Tulog na tayo.

Hinga. Hawak. Dikit. Pikit. Dantay. Laway. Lingon. Lisan. Balik. Sabik. Lasap. Hirap. Pagod. Sunod?

Abangan.

Na-inspire ako sa Don't Think na survey. Heto naman yung mga magkakakabit na salita na magkatunog na naisip ko na pinakamadaling pagkwekwento siguro ng pag-ibig. Sa mundo man ni Jin Han hehehe. Tulad ng "Dantay, Laway", puro pangako lang pala ang mga binitiwan habang magkayakap.At sa bawat balik ng aking mata sa mga kataga, iba ibang bahagi ng sarili kong kwento ang naaalala ko. Ingenious na pagkwekwento. Feeling ko tuloy, ang henya ko.

Original ito ha. I-quote niyo ako paggagamitin niyo.

AnG PaGmaMahaL duMadaTinG sa TaManG oRas At TamaNg paGkaKataOn..MinsaN SiniSiSi Pa NatiN anG saRiLi NaTin KuNg BaKiT NgaYon Mo LaNg NaLamaNg MahaL Mo Sya.. KunG aLam Mo LaNg... NgaYon Mo LanG Yon NaLaMan Kasi EtO YunG TiNataWag Na "TAMANG PANAHON"..
SoMe ThiNk Of LoVe As a PasT TimE..FLinG At TrIp LaNg..YunG MaHaL Nya NgayOn..BuKas HiNdi Na...BoYfriENd Nya NgaYon Pero TaNggaP Nya Na IsaNg aRaw TaTawaGin Nya din Yung "EX".. MataGal Nga,,inaAboT pa Ng taOn pErO ILaNg taoN??1? 2? 3? Tapos PaG
nagKakaSawaAn na NagAAyaWaN Na At MaY iBa NamaN Na NagTataGal LanG ng TaoN daHiL naNghihiNayaNg sa PinagsamaHan...BaTa Pa MasYado aNg ganoNg magmahaL...MaY iBa NaMaN Na MasYadOng SeryoSo At SenSiTiBo Pag DatIng Sa baGay Na yAn..YuNg TipO Ng TaoNg haNdaNg i-RisK AnG laHat..MagBigaY.. MagParaYa.. PaRaLaNg DoN sa TaoNg maHaL Nya.. MerOn PaNg Iba DyaN Na PiniPigiLaN YunG naRaRaNdaMaN Nya KasI HigH ScHoOL PaLaNg O Di Kaya TeEnAgER PaLaNg, GuSto Nya KasIng MaGiNg siLa NuNg taOng Yon Sa paNahoNg seryosoHan Na..YunG SiGuraDo Na Sya Na Yung TaoNg Yon Nga ang GuSto NyanG makaSama PaNghaBanG BuhaY..KumBaga "TAMANG PANAHON".. ThErE's This QuOTaTioN SaYinG: "i dont care how many lips u'vE kisd....i dont care how many women u've embraced.. i dont care how many ladies heard u say u love dem....ol i care about is d future... not to be u'r FIRST but to be u'r LAST".. MaSaRap MagmaHaL nG TaOng MahAL ka Din..YunG feELiNg Nyo SouLmaTes Kayo.. KAYA KUNG PARA SAYO TALAGA SIYA..ILANG TAON MAN KAYO DI MAGKITA.. ILANG TAO MAN ANG MAHALIN NIYA.. GAANO MAN SIYA KALAYO O MARMI MANG HADLANG.. MAGKIKITA PA RIN KAYO KUNG TALAGANG PARA KAYO SA ISA'T ISA... pAg-iBiG???...HinDi HinahaNap Yan..Kusa yAnG duMaRaTinG sa "TAMANG PANAHON"..

(Salamat sa nagtext kahit dika nagpapakilala. sobra akong natawa)

Paano maiparating ang masamang damdamin sa dating minamahal...
Kumuha ng pulang rosas sa dangwa mga alsa sinko ng umaga para mura...Bumili ng isang yosi sa bangketa...Maghanap ng piso sa kalsada..At isang basing tubig mula sa arinola...
Steps:
Sindihan ang yosi para cool tingnan hbang ginagawa ang pangkukulam...himayhimayin ang rosas na binili...ilatag sa mesa..Wala lang...ilalalatag mo lang pero ung ipinambalot ang gagamitin mo...kunin ang napulot na piso sa kalsada...Ilagay sa alkansya..Kunin ang ipinambalot ng bulaklak at ibulong ng malakas...Z-i-z-a-z-i-z-a padilla.. Ulitin ng tatlong beses...Kinabukasan ay lumabas ng bahay at puntahan ang dating minamahal...Paki sampal...