I just had a dream where I was ugly crying. I was missing my maternal grandmother and was in her room in Camaligan. The room was a bit more dramatic, with the ceiling a bit higher than how it was. I went to lie on her bed and was surrounded by these different framed Holy images, along with her arsenal of medicinal bottles.

I swept her walls for one particular image, that of Mama Mary, which I cross-stitched with gold thread on a black cloth and gave her.

My memory is failing me. But I did wake up with a gaping hole in my heart.

I miss my grandmother. 

2 tbsps maple syrup
4 tbsps soy sauce
2 tbsps sriracha sauce
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp pepper
1 block of firm tofu

Slice tofu into 1 cm thickness. Press between a towel.

Combine marinade in a container. Coat each slice of tofu and leave in the marinade. Leave for at least 30 minutes.

To cook, fry the ones that are soaked in the marinade first and work your way up. Serve it on top of a salad, as a sandwich and with cauliflower fried rice. 

4 cups cauliflower florets
3 cloves of garlic
2 cups vegan broth (I used 2 cubes of Massel dissolved in 2 cups of hot water)
2 Cups non-dairy milk
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2/3 tsp soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt (or more to taste)

Add the first four ingredients into a pot and simmer. Cook for about 10 minutes or until the cauliflower falls apart. Cool.

Add the cauliflower mixture into the blender and pulse with the flavorings. If you want a thicker sauce, bring back to the pan.

Quick thickener: Mix cold water with equal part tapioca flour (begin with 1 teaspoon). Pour into the sauce. Adjust salt to taste.

P.S. Coconut bacon isn't as nice as imagined. I will try home-made spam tofu next time.

BBQ Sauce:
13 oz. can of tomato paste
13 oz. water
3 Tbsp. raw apple cider vinegar (I use Bragg’s)
2 Tbsp. maple syrup
3 cloves garlic- minced
1/4 c. fresh minced onion or 1 tsp. dried
1 tsp. sea salt

Put all ingredients into sauce pan; cook over medium heat for 15 minutes. Store in glass jar in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

Pulled pork:
2 20oz Cans of Young Green Jackfruit in Brine or Water
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1/2 an Onion, sliced
3 Cloves of Garlic, minced
1/4 Cup Vegan Broth or Water
1/2 to 3/4 cup BBQ sauce

Preheat your oven to 400F (200C). Lightly grease a baking pan. Drain and rinse the jackfruit. Cut the jackfruit into smaller pieces by cutting it from core to the edge for the most pulled texture.

Add the olive oil to a large frying pan or skillet over medium-high heat. When hot, add the onions then garlic. Sauté until the onions are tender and beginning to brown, about 5 minutes. Add in the chopped jackfruit and vegetable broth. Cover and continue to cook another 8 to 10 minutes, until the jackfruit is soft enough that it can be mashed. Mash the jackfruit with fork until it breaks apart. Mashing gives it the 'pulled' texture.

Spread in an even layer across the baking pan and then pop it in the oven for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and pour over 1/2 cup BBQ sauce. Stir to combine then back in the oven for about 10 minutes. Turn off the oven and keep the tray there.

3 cups almond flour
1/2 cup coconut flour
1/2 tsps cinnamon
6 tsps Nutiva or equivalent granulated sweetener
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup almond butter
1 cup maple syrup
2 tbsp almond milk
choice of filling



Mix all dry ingredients together.

Warm almond butter and maple syrup in microwave. Mix and add the vanilla.

Fold into the dry mix and add the almond milk.

Form into golf-sized balls. Press a small hole in the center to form a crevice for the filling.

Refrigerate to firm up. Add the filling of your choice.*


*I used a bottled vegan caramel made with coconut milk and coconut sugar. And sprinkled with some salt.

Original recipe is by The Big Man's World.

Bars:

1 cup coconut flour
1 tbsp organic cacao powder
1 tbsp vanilla protein powder (I use Amazonia)
1/4 tsp sea salt
1/2 cup almond butter
1/4 cup maple syrup (if you're not making this for someone vegan, honey also works)
1/2 cup almond milk (or other dairy-free milk. I have tried coconut milk and it also works)
1 tbsp sugar (I have also used 3 packets of Equal, Stevia, on occasions and they work but this is optional if almond butter is sweet)

Chocolate frosting:
3 tbsp vanilla protein powder
3 tbsp cacao powder
1 tbsp almond butter
2 tbsp maple syrup
4 tbsp almond milk

Caramel:
Store bought vegan caramel made of coconut milk and coconut sugar (optional)

Line two take-away plastic containers (choose ones that have flat bottoms) with cling wrap.

Mix dry ingredients for the bars. Warm almond butter with maple syrup in the microwave (15 seconds) if taken out of the fridge. Mix with the dry ingredients. The batter should be sticky while it may look crumbly.

Divide the batter into the two containers and press firmly. I use a tablespoon to press the bars into a firm base.

Make the frosting. Divide into the two containers and spread.

Drizzle with the caramel sauce, if you like.

Makes 12 bars.

This recipe is adapted from The Big Man's World using ingredients available in my local grocery.

Base:
1 cup pitted dates
1 cup raw walnuts and/or almonds

Filling:
1 1/2 cups of raw cashews
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup melted coconut oil
1/2 cup + 2 tbsp full fat coconut milk (I use Kara brand)
1/2 cup maple syrup (if you're making this for someone who isn't vegan, honey also works)

Pour hot water on the cashews until completely covered and soak for an hour.

It is easier to use a silicone muffin/cupcake mold for this so the cheesecake pops out easy. Be sure to put the mold over a tray to make moving them into the fridge hassle-free. Otherwise, get your mold ready. I have used take-away containers lined with cling wrap for this cake.

Meanwhile, pour hot water on the dates, then drain. Pulse the dates in the blender. Remove. Pulse the nuts. Add in the dates.

If making single-serve versions, scoop a tablespoon and use a spoon to flatten in each slot of the muffin mold. This recipe makes 12 single-serves. If using a different mold, make a base for the cheesecake about 1/2 cm to 1/2 a inch. Put in the fridge/freezer to firm up while you work on the filling.

Add all the filling ingredients into a blender and mix until very smooth and creamy. Pour into the molds.

Optional: Top with fresh or frozen blueberries or a small dollop of caramel, whichever you prefer. The great thing about the single serve molds is you can have different toppings in one batch.

This is a freezer-friendly recipe. 

I am just getting to know you,
The light and dark bits of you,
How to hold out my hand,
How to touch your feet.

And I was loving it.

We've walked in the open,
Sat out in the sun.
When I was sad, I asked you
And you obliged to sit on my back.

But today, all these meant nothing.

Why is generally happy not good enough?
Why want perfection when nothing,
And no one is?
Why now? Why me?

When all I want is to be your human.

Let me feed you when you're hungry,
Give you a rub when you want it,
Bring you to the doctor when you're sick,
Look after you until you're better.

Choose to stay with me?

- 7 October 2016

5 eggs
1 cup fresh parsley, packed

It was weird and comforting to read this on a friend's wall today. You see, she just got hitched last month. For the second time (to a different man, matter of factly).

"New hubby and I are going through soooo much trials and challenges for the past few months and there were a couple of times I broke down, I scream inside an empty room, we cried, we get agitated, we stop talking, we can't stop talking ( lol ) we almost give up but we NEVER felt empty because deep inside we KNOW what we want. We want to be together.

I believe we are not alone, ALL of us have been in this situation, is in this situation and will be in this situation and I just want to share this poem I learnt in the primary school that keeps me STANDING in whatever situation.

Sending love and light to you all xoxo"

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

For a while, I have admired how awesome her life was, or how she comes across on her social media posts. Until our common friend came to visit where she learned about that she was in fact already separated from her then husband. Up until today, her new life seemed like a fairy tale, yet again. Their wedding photos looked magical. But then had she not posted what has been happening outside of these wonderful photos, who would have known except perhaps the people she chose to share this to?

Consequently, last night I was catching up on some couples who were very social media supportive of each other. All celebrity couples. Do I really want this digital age of relationships where our happiness/unhappiness is available for people who aren't really involved? Sure, I would send couple photos to friends who are supportive of our relationship or reach out to my closest friends for help when I need to (or just for a listening ear) but I am not the kind of person who broadcasts the state of my relationship. My posts are mostly for humor, information, or entertainment. And unless I am told it was important to someone's happiness or security, I am not adamant doing these things. And unless my personal life has turned into humor, important information, or is something that I personally find merely entertaining, it would not make it to my wall.
That part of "we want to be together" is something that hits home. I may not be a person who likes posting all the magical moments in my life but I keep them in my heart. And the man I want to be with would be someone who values what is real (he is welcome to ask me to put some on reel or he can do that himself). We may end up fighting or not talking, or talking too much (that hurtful/mean words are said), but I would want to be with someone who wants to be with me despite all that. Whenever I needed to write about my feelings, I would do it almost anonymously, as is the purpose of this blog. It is my heart, after all. 

salmon fillets (1 fillet for each person)
Butter
Pepper
2 tbsp honey
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1/2 tsp dill
salad mix

Melt enough butter into a non-stick pan to accommodate the salmon fillets in one cooking. Once it starts melthing, place the salmon fillets into the pan and put pepper on top. Cook for 2-3 minutes on one side.

Meanwhile, mix the the honey, balsamic vinegar, and dill.

Turn the fillets over and add pepper on this cooked side as well. When fish is almost done, add the honey and vinegar mixture as a glaze. Remove from heat.

Put the salad mix into the serving plates. Add the salmon fillet on top. Cubes of feta are optional but good. 

1 heaping tbsp almond flour
1 tbsp honey
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 tbsp cacao powder
1 egg
3 tbsp milk
1 tbsp butter

Pinch of salt

Whisk all ingredients in a mug, Microwave for 2 minutes..

Soup
1 liter chicken broth
ginger
star anise or cloves
3 tsp soy sauce
1 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp lime or lemon juice
2 cups cooked chicken breast

Greens
1/2 cup fresh mint leaves
1/2 cup coriander
beansprouts
2 green onions (optional)
lime wedge (optional)

Noodles
1/2 pack of Chang's Thai-Style rice noodles (which is essentially 125 grams)

Cook noodles according to package directions.

Combine soup ingredients into a pot, adding the chicken only when broth is boiling. Turn off fire.

Assemble the pho by adding noodles into serving bowls, topping it with the greens, and ladling the broth over.

I took it out of the mug for this photo

I have been on and off the Paleo diet for a while. I am not very strict with it as some of the ingredients are not readily available. But for November, I decided to go "sober" and thought it would be a good distraction to learn new Paleo recipes. I have never had a Cinnamon roll since I started this on-off Paleo diet (have done cupcakes and banana bread before) so I decided to give it a go.

Cake

Ingredients :

2 Cups or 500 gr of full fat 9 % cottage cheese or farmers cheese
2 cups or 550 gr of sour cream
5-6 table spoons of gelatine
10 tbsp of sugar
1-2 tbsp of strawberry jam and red food colouring
1 tbsp of Vanilla extract
Few tbsp of cocoa powder and few tbsp of melted chocolate

Directions:

 In a bowl, blend cottage cheese with sour cream until creamy.

Dissolve gelatine and sugar in hot water. Fold gelatine to cottage cheese mixture.

Divide mixture into 3 bowsl evenly. Add strawberry into one, chocolate into another and vanilla into the last bowl.

Assemble the cake by pouring different colours into a baking pan. Refrigerate until set.

3 tbsp rice vinegar
3 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsps fish sauce
2 tbsp lemon or lime juice
3 tbsp canola oil
1tbsp sugar
½ birds eye chilli, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced

This dressing can make two batches of Asian Salads for two. 

Asian Salad Mix:
shredded cabbages - red, green and white
thin strips of carrots
bean sprouts
onions (optional)
coriander
mint

Ingredients:
3/4 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup oyster or hoisin sauce
1/4 cup apple or grape juice
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp ground pepper
2 tbsp peanut butter

Mix all together in a jar. Cover and keep in the fridge.

To use:  About ¼ cup per 500gms of combined stir-fry ingredients (proteins + vegetables + noodles/rice) plus 4 to 8 tbsp water.