Caro Mia

Maya-Aztec Reading

2012-01-29T16:57:00.002+08:00

DAY-SIGN: 7-Grass
(Maya: 7-Eb)
YEAR: South-7 (Tikal System)

13-DAY PERIOD: 1-Death
(Maya: 1-Cimi)
NIGHT LORD: 3
VENUS PHASE: Evening Star

Introduction - The Astrology of Time

The ancient Maya and Aztec astrologers studied the mysterious influence of the rhythms of the sky on earthly life. Everyone knows the Sun rises and sets every day -- this is the basic rhythm of life around which we set our clocks and calendars. What the ancient astrologers discovered was that other time cycles existed that were multiples of this basic day cycle. This fact was discovered about 100 years ago in Europe and these cycles (there are many of them) are now called biorhythms.

The most important time cycles in ancient Mayan and Aztec astrology are those of the day, 9-days, 13-days, and 20-days. Additionally, years are counted also, in groups of 4 and 13. Each day is then part of several other cycles, so no two days are exactly the same. Your Maya/Aztec horoscope below shows exactly where in each of the cycles you were born. Each category below examines a specific cycle and a specific aspect of your personality. Keep in mind that our personalities are complex and contain many contradictions. All of us present a different "face" depending on who we meet. The delineations below will reflect this, but they will also give you a clear picture of who you really are. The true value of astrology lies in self-knowledge, the first step to wisdom.

Your Most Personal Traits -- The Day-Sign of Your Birth

Here are your strongest and most obvious personality traits. The delineation below describes who you are and how you appear to others, at least on the surface. In Aztec astrology this part of is your horoscope is your Tonalli, or Day-Sign, the form bestowed upon you by the Sun.

Grass: Like most born on this day-sign, you are a very sensitive person. You may be emotionally fragile, psychic, or simply very aware of the emotional and psychic dynamics that go on around you. It is this awareness that is at the core of your politeness and personal refinement. You can be easily hurt through rejection or by criticism, though you usually do not let on to others that something has upset you. You are soft on the surface but hard underneath.

You have strong, almost driving, ambitions and you work very hard to achieve your goals. You don't over-stress yourself, however, it is your persistence that counts most. You are competitive, but prefer to avoid direct competition. Working alone is often a good solution to your primary dilemma of self-interest vs. self-sacrifice. Ultimately, you want peace, almost at all costs, and will work very hard to avoid a fight or even bad feelings.

The underlying drives described above are more important in understanding yourself than you may realize. You are a person who is striving to heal and transform negative personality traits. There are parts of you that are completely private, because they are unacceptable socially. You struggle with your urges and compulsions alone, but you also gain control over them.

There is a very practical bent in your thinking. Many Grass personalities are problem solvers, designers or engineers. You can handle details well and, after an appropriate amount of deliberation, can be decisive and executive. You also have a strong investigative streak and are attracted to careers or activities that search, dig or uncover things.

In general, you are conservative and practical and present to others a point-of-view that does not upset or challenge the status quo -- and this makes you popular with others. If you are a performer, and most Grass types love music, you play the hits that the crowd loves. Your sense of what is going to be well-received makes you well qualified to be an advertiser, promoter or spokesperson.

Your Deeper Self -- The 13-Day Week of Your Birth

Each of us reacts to the world around us in different ways. Our reactions are mostly unconscious; they represent what our deeper self needs. Our reactions both attract and repel us from things, people, and situations. What we like, what we like to do, and who we really are is shown by the 13-day week called the Trecena that we were born under. Each of these periods begins with the number 1 and the name of the day-sign that starts it. A number is attached to your position within the 13-day period that may be an important number for you.

This is the seventh day of the 13-day period beginning with 1-Death. Beneath your surface personality you have a strong committment to your community. You will sacrifice time for others, though you are often not sure just why it is that you do this. You have an extremely strong sense of tradition and are attracted to history and antiquities. You are, ultimately, a very down-to-earth person, conservative, with strong feelings (which you supress) about community and political matters. You may find success in activities involving homes and real estate matters.

Interesting reading courtesy of Astrology.com.

For All the Women

2011-08-09T09:24:00.001+08:00

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly
where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite
possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you
use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has
been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you
are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul
the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and
every one of us.'

Notes on Business

2011-06-20T15:17:00.002+08:00

1. You can only duplicate what you know.
2. Some say yes, some say no.
3. You can learn through association.
4. Belief and confidence comes from what you learn.
5. If you are trying, you must be moving ahead.
6. Read instructions first!
7. Learn to leverage.

Forever and a Day (Filipino Movie)

2011-06-15T14:46:00.007+08:00

The first ever local movie premiere I went to was in 1999, at the UP Film Center for the movie "Warat" starring Joyce Jimenez and Jomari Yllana. Joyce was praised for her Scorpion Nights 2 (which I haven't seen) so I thought, hey, why not go and see it? It's within the campus and it was for free if I remember it correctly. After the first few minutes, I left the theater. So that was my first time.

Last night, a good friend invited me to watch the premiere of Forever and A Day. He was a huge fan of KC Concepcion and he was my friend so I agreed to see it with them.

The plot is simple. It's a boy-meets-girl, girl is sick, and so on like that of "A Walk to Remember." Don't get me wrong about calling it simple. There is nothing wrong about simple stories. But a movie's success depends on the lines, actors, the cinematography, the music, etc. And I think this movie did quite well. The lines were not too mushy, casting was good (when you look at it, Bembol Roco and Vivian Velez can really have KC as their daughter), and the acting was good. My friend who is a fan of KC and has seen her movies was amazed! He said she really improved in this movie. Also, the filming did justice to the beauty of Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon and Iligan. One of the movies I watched in support of Philippine Cinema that involved showing off Boracay, didn't actually capture its beauty. This one did that I actually decided I should go to Iligan for the waterfalls!

I was there. 14 June 2011. Megamall Cinema 10.

Travel Writing, Anyone?

2011-06-13T23:43:00.005+08:00

Travel stories are tough to write because you are bound to say facts (so obviously, they have been said before) in the very same fashion, specially if the story is not a first person narrative (I don't like I's in my writing).

I received an email today that made me feel horrible. Being the "i-am-a-positive-person" wannabe, I asked a few questions from my friend who is a writer/editor and began searching for travel writing pointers on the net.

Of course, I came across one of my favorite pieces on the subject again,"How to Wite a Bad Travel Story" and also found "Roads Not Taken". I have taken it upon myself to write down these points after reading the latter.

- Don’t ignore what is too obvious, even it it's not "that pleasant"
- Talk about the present
- Have imagination – show instead of tell
- Have insight
- Inject humor
- Conversations/People

My Charlie Chan

2011-06-02T14:33:00.007+08:00

I am Karla and am addicted to Charlie Chan.

On weekends, it's easy to have it delivered and we have been doing so for weeks now. But Yellow Cab is not that cheap. So I decided to cook on this oh-it's-a-Thursday-not-a-Friday afternoon. It's not the first time I have tried making this, though. But by far, this recipe which I am sharing (as a note to myself, too) is the closest I have gotten so far. As I don't have Java sauce (which most of the recipes I have seen recommend), I used peanut butter and oyster sauce.

My Charlie Chan

spaghetti cooked according to package directions (for this much sauce, I'd say about 300-400 grams)
2 pcs deboned and skinless chicken breast cut into strips, marinated in oyster sauce
6 tablespoons olive oil
8 cloves of garlic (artichoke)
A can of mushrooms (drained)
1 cup of peanuts (roasted and unflavored, if possible)
a mix of: 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, 3 tablespoons soy sauce, 1/4 cup oyster sauce and 2 pcs of dried siling labuyo (chillies), chopped
A tablespoon of butter (optional, I would say but this adds flavor and a very nice aroma)
Chopped spring onion, about 4-5 tablespoons

Heat the oil in a non-stick pan. Saute the garlic until golden. Add the chicken. Cover for about 2 minutes (check until the meat turns white). Add the mushrooms and simmer in low heat for 2 minutes covered. Add the peanuts and cover for another 2 minutes.

Add the mix of peanut butter, soy sauce, oyster sauce and sili. You can also use a leftover chilli flakes packet from your Yellow Cab delivery to increase its intensity. Simmer for a minute, Add in the butter until it melts and it's ready to serve over your cooked spaghetti. Garnish with the chopped spring onion.

So there.

Random Thoughts Rediscovered

2011-05-27T17:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, things happen to us that ordinary reason cannot comprehend that we have to provide them with our own cosmic explanation if we are to continue to believe in stars, in angels, in love, in the beauty of life or in the other things we consider miracles. Otherwise, we grow old indifferent; dying a little each time we think of broken trust, broken promises and broken hearts, specially if they are ours. (July 1, 2000)

(Currently cleaning out some papers and found this logbook where I have written some "thoughts")

Thank you, pare! I love you!

2011-04-29T09:29:00.001+08:00

“Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness.”- Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish diplomat

This eulogy is about you. Yet, it is not.

I have to admit that writing about how you were when you were alive is a veritable idea. However, I fear that I may over-emphasize facets of your character that the individual experience of the people you have touched in your life and in your sudden death may turn false, fragmented or perhaps trivial.There are many people you loved and cared about, and just because you never showed your true heart does not mean you loved or cared about them less. Just because you spent less time with one and more with the other does not mean you loved the first one more than the other. As you have lived it, love is love, no matter how brief or long the time you spent in expressing it. Some of the people you love/have loved stayed longer than the others but memories of those loves will remain forever, no matter how brief those moments were. I know it is possible because I know of another person who is the same—and you know that person, too.

These are words brought by necessity, but in your memory, I will only say what’s necessary to commemorate this grief. I do not wish to cause trouble nor stir regret in your presence in one's life and thus the absence in another. As you may probably know now more than ever, you are loved and that people who love you will love you no matter how much or how little they know about you. Whether they tell you in a whisper, in a note or in the tears of remembrance of times spent together, known or unknown to others.

In your own fashion of solitude, I honor you. Except perhaps when your mom asks.

The Pursuit of Happyness

2010-12-07T11:53:00.003+08:00

"The greatest happiness in life is knowing that you are loved for who you are, and sometimes in spite of who you are. "

There is this application called "God wants you to know" that I try to check everyday. It's a good one as no matter how many times you log in a day, you always get the same message so in a sense, you would think it's not like sent to you that randomly.

This day's message got to me.

The Best Advice You Can Ever Get (In my opinion)

2010-11-05T09:16:00.003+08:00

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

LIFE IS A MESS

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO GET A JOB. INSTEAD, PLAY.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

BE HATED.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

LOVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Today

2010-08-02T11:48:00.004+08:00

Today I wish I could tell you that the hardest part of moving on is to stop hoping. Today I wish I could ask you not if you have moved on but if you have stopped hoping.

Today I wish I could let you know that I wish you have.

Missing Last Sunday, Looking Forward to Saturday

2010-07-28T15:45:00.003+08:00

If only memories were that easy to let go, would we even know pain? Would we know love?

I have been wishing that memories could easily be deleted, restored, edited like a computer file. Wouldn't life be less complicated?

I miss you. And this weather is not helping.

The Little Things (Colbie Caillat)

2010-07-21T08:49:00.001+08:00

Intro: Ebm-C#-F#/Bb-B x2

Verse 1:
Ebm C#
The little things, you do to me are
F#/Bb B
taking me over, i wanna show you
Ebm C#
everything inside of me oh
F#/Bb B
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
Ebm C#
my feet are stuck here, against the pavement
F#/Bb B
i wanna break free, i wanna make it
Ebm C#
closer to your eyes, get your attention
F#/Bb B
before you pass me by

Chorus:
F#
So back up back up
C#
take another chance
Ebm
Don’t you mess up mess up
B
I don’t wanna lose you
F#
Wake up wake up
C#
this aint just a thing that you
Ebm
Give up give up
B
don’t you say that I’d be
F# C#
Better off better off
Ebm B
sleepin by myself and wonderin
F# C#
If im better off better off
Ebm F#
without you boy

(Repeat Intro)

Verse 2:
Ebm C#
And every time, you notice me by
F#/Bb B
holdin me closely, and sayin sweet things
Ebm C#
i don't believe, that it could be
F#/Bb B
you speakin your mind and, sayin the real thing
Ebm C#
my feel broke free, and i am leavin
F#/Bb B
i'm not gonna stand here, feelin lonely but
Ebm C#
i don't regret it, and i don't think this
F#/Bb B
was just a waste of time

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
Ebm C# F#/Bb B
don't just leave me hanging on
(Repeat)

(Repeat Verse 1)
(Repeat Bridge once)
(Repeat Chorus)

What Are You, Cynic or Romantic?

2010-07-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I was chatting with someone about how beautiful weddings are and got asked if I was a cynic or a romantic when it comes to how the movies Before Sunrise and Before Sunset will end. I guess, I would openly say a cynic but then I know I am really a romantic (darn).

I am borrowing a photo from Orlando Cajigal (you can check his works here) and putting my own thoughts on the subject.

By this, I mean marriage or any life-long commitment. It is not about having it perfect. It is about not giving up.

I Can't Change the Facts

2010-07-19T06:58:00.002+08:00

This Texas is going into my playlist right now!

Say What You Want

Twenty seconds on the back time
I feel you on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see you're doing fine
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide I can no longer run
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun

Well, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you

What I am is what you want of me
Now that I'm not there
Took the tables away from you
It's turned that I don't care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide I can no longer run
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun

I've said goodnight try to sleep tight
Just dream of me
Go close your eyes cause I'll close mine
The sun will shine from time to time

Definition of Terms

2010-07-18T02:25:00.003+08:00

Paano ko sasabihin kung ako mismo, hindi ko alam kung ano na nga ba ang nararamdaman ko?

In English, how can I tell you what I feel towards him if I don’t even know what I would call it?

But thank you for wishing me happiness. I wish myself the same.

With Knowledge Comes Responsibility

2010-07-15T13:52:00.006+08:00

"You'll probably be sad, disenchanted, without daring to show it, and inclined to give up everything." Thank you for putting it out there, you Horoscope reader/writer you.

Jumping off into the great blue sea is nothing compared to a heartbreak. I will jump off anytime, everytime in exchange for a prayer that I'd be spared from the latter.

I have great hope that everything's going to be better sooner :)

(Original photograph courtesy of Simon Cervantes)

July 2010 Predictions

2010-07-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

"You are sometimes hasty and emotional in your judgments and have difficulty sorting out honest from deceitful people. When you like someone, you often let yourself be conned."

Tell me about it.

Treat Me Well

2010-07-02T10:21:00.000+08:00

*Insert MY name here* cannot be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

Happy 54 Years Today!

2010-07-01T06:55:00.000+08:00

24 April 2010

Dear Ate Kai,

SHALOM my beautiful daughter!

I am sorry for invading your privacy by bringing along with me Ms Au. It was uncalled for since I know that you treasure short moments that we have together to bond as mother and daughter. I am sorry too if it seems to you that I do not know myself that well till this time. I am now 53 years old and to many I seem to have no plans or visions or dreams. But I do have them only that for most of my life I seemed to have chosen to do what must be done at the moment even if they seem way out of line for me to be able to reach them. Some of these plans, visions and dreams have already been fulfilled and I would like to thank the Lord for making them come true. These some include being able to see all my children finish their studies and allow them to stretch their wings and fly away where their hearts and minds would like to go. It is seeing them slowly shape their own destinies and fulfill their own purposes with their own talents, skills, values and dreams, visions, hopes and dreams, at their own phase, in their own ways. I believe that somehow I am a part of that growing, spreading and flying of wings. Perhaps to the three of you I have not been the best of what your image and concepts are of what a mother should be. Yet I would like to tell you now that I am still doing my best to be the mother you wish and hope for but which maybe mediocre efforts since I still cannot reach your expectations of who I should be and what I must become.

What do I really want to do may not really matter because it may fit the grand scheme of things in what God has planned and has in store for me. I feel and think that I am at my best when I write, train people, heal them, help and teach them how to prevent themselves from getting very sick; I am also very happy and content just to spend few hours and days with all of you under one roof yet equally happy just to see your faces when I close my eyes and pray for your safety, protection, guidance from our God. But we all know that each one of you and me must go on our separate ways most days of the year to allow ourselves to grow and become more loving, forgiving, healing and a blessing to one another and other people we encounter. This is our heritage as a family, our roots, that no matter where our feet and wings lead us; that whatever happens with our plans, dreams and vision;, we will always be welcome with open arms because we deeply love each other (though some of us cannot show it on the outside, masking it sometimes with words, thoughts and actions we do not really mean to hurt) and respect each other’s differences.

I love each one of you and in my own small ways, I know in my heart that I have shown this love though not in how you may want them to be and I would continue doing so and pray with me that I learn how to value more your intentions of taking care of me while I try improving my motherhood skills which actually are growing difficult to sharpen as my teeth, knees, joints and bones are giving in, as I my sight and hearing are getting impaired; as my body, heart and mind slowly surrenders to the calm and peace of age, be rest assured though that my spirit and soul would grow stronger to nourish even more and nurture that love I have for each one of you.
I would like to salute your achievements Ate because you have done many things excellently for your age. My prayer will be unceasing for your continued health, safety, protection, and a lot more that silently your heart wishes for as I would your two brothers Kuya Jeff and Jaja; including Camille and Jamille too.

Do take care of yourself always. I will be with you after the elections po and if God allows it stay a little longer than usual.

Hugs, kisses
Love and prayers
GOD BLESS
Mama

A Perfect Wife

2010-06-30T21:52:00.002+08:00

Saw this from Bente's blog and I would say, I want one, too!

A Prayer, or Great Expectations
Fanny Haydee B. Llego

There's no doubt about it I need to get hitched:
I need someone to scratch me whenever I itch

Or give me a backrub whenever I want it
(Who'll pout only a little when someone else does it);

Someone on whom I can vent my frustrations
& who is supportive in trying situations;

Who'll extol all my virtues, forget all my faults
& would always submit to my sexual assaults;

Who'll bring up my children the way they should be
Yet still be entirely devoted to me;

Who'll always obey me, my word being law,
My logic, perfect; my thinking, without flaw;

My sexy cheerleader, housekeeper, accountant,
Secretary, nursemaid, unflagging assistant;

Brought up & moulded to think that success
Is found in the home: nothing more, nowhere else.

O, Mother Goddess, I need in my life
A man willing to be the perfect little wife!

Sadhguru's Sensible Simplicty

2010-06-29T16:54:00.000+08:00

Devotion: is truly for the intelligent, not for the stupid because without devotion there is no profundity to your life.

Awareness: is aliveness. How aware you are, is how alive you are.

Being you: The fundamental problem with humanity is that everyone is trying to be special. Only when you become ordinary, like a tree, can a greater dimension of life open up to you.

This wanting to become special, this disease has come to people simply because they have not recognized the value of the uniqueness of their being.

Bliss: It doesn't matter who you are right now, how miserable you are right now, how disturbed you are right now. If you pay enough attention to your interiority, being blissful is a possibility for every human being.

Enlightenment: never happens.... It is there, it is always there.

Enlightenment need not always happen with a bang, it can happen quietly, it can be like a flower blossoming.

Freedom: Unless you are free from the process of your own mind, unless you are free from the process of your own body there is really no such thing as freedom.

If your happiness and your well-being are not subject to anybody or anything, only then are you free. Otherwise whether you are in a prison or walking outside on the street, you still are a prisoner within yourself.

If you’re seeking to live well, you should not talk about God. Only when your longing has become such that you want to know not just life but the very source of life, can you talk about God.

Everyone can love God, as He does not demand anything from you, but to love the one next to you right now costs life. It is a challenge. It takes much courage to do this.

Every human activity is in pursuit of happiness.

Intensity: You must be that kind of a person that even if they put you in Sahara desert, there also you must be successful with life available there.

People who have never been on fire will not know the coolness of water. People, who have just lived their life in a half-hearted manner, sedately, can never know the other way.

Involvement: You will never know the beauty of life unless you are deeply involved. At the same time, you cannot enjoy the beauty of involvement if you get attached. If you don’t get this subtle distinction, you will suffer.

The greatest crime a person can commit is to be a joyless person.

A joyful face is always beautiful anywhere in the world, whatever the shape of the nose, whatever the shape of your eyes, when you see a joyful face it’s a beautiful face.

Karma: Is not in what you have done or not what you have done. It is your volition. The, way you live. The way you are within yourself.

When you utter the word karma, it’s always about you; never about somebody. You have no business with somebody else’s karma.

Knowing: Only when you are torn, by the pain of not knowing, will knowing happen to you.

Leadership: Leadership can only give guidance and orientation, but it’s the people who have to make the difference. Every individual in whatever sphere of life he is in, whatever responsibility that he holds, whatever influence he has, he has to stand up and make it happen in his area.

Liberation: means becoming free from the very process of life, birth and death. It means becoming free form the basic structures of body and mind. For all these, the karmic structure is the string which holds them together.

Life: Life has come from a very beautiful source. If you remain in touch with that source, everything about you will be beautiful.

How deeply you can touch another life, is how rich your life is. May you have much opportunity to profoundly impact lives around you.

People try to create an outwardly perfect life, but quality of life is based on the inward.

Being alive is not a small thing; it is the greatest phenomena on the planet - not just on the planet, in this whole cosmos.

Love: is just a vehicle for oneness. What you are longing for is that oneness.

Mind: This mind is capable of takings to the peaks of what is possible by a human being but unfortunately we are using the mind to create ulcer, diabetes, misery, anger jealousy.

Collective unconsciousness means, if you go deep enough into your mind, there will be no such thing as my mind and your mind, there is just one mind.

Peace: Peace is not the ultimate attainment of life, but the very foundation of life, the birthright of all human beings.

Peace and Happiness are rooted neither in the marketplace nor the woods, but within.

When you do not know how to keep your body peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your mind peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your energies peaceful, world peace is just a joke.

If there are no peaceful human beings, there is no peaceful world. Maybe there is no killing right now, but people are torturing and killing themselves everyday in so many different ways. That’s bad enough, that’s worse than a war.

Once we are living on a planet with limited resources, and the whole thing that is driving our lives is the engine of economics, war is inevitable, peace is impossible.

Religion: We don’t need more Hindus, more Christians, more Muslims; we need Buddha’s, Jesus, Krishna’s, real ones. We need live ones. That is when true change will happen. And that potential every human being carries within himself. Who they were is also your innermost nature.

How can you love one and hate the other when the same divine exits in all. As many colors of the rainbow are an outcome of one pure light, the many religions of the world are an expression of one divine source. Religions of the world are not about one man’s belief against another. But an opportunity and a possibility for all humans of all hues and colors, of various stages of evolution, understanding, and experience to reach to their common ultimate source.

Seeking: You must seek constantly that which you know to be the highest. It doesn’t matter whether it is going to happen or not; simply living with the vision is an elevating experience and a joyous process in itself.

Self: Everything that you do is self-based. All your work, all your life is an expression of who you are.

You don't have to do anything, you don't have to think anything, and you don't have to feel anything to be complete. You are complete by yourself.

Spirituality: means to live with an alert intelligence.

When you say spirituality you want to progress on the existential level - not socially, not psychologically, and not emotionally. You are constantly seeing how to progress existentially.

Spirituality means you have started seeing life with utmost clarity, there are no more illusions about it; you see everything just the way it is.

To be spiritual means to be an emperor within you. This is the only way to be.

Tears have got nothing to do with sadness and pain. Whenever any experience becomes very intense, tears flow.

If tears of love, joy, and ecstasy have not washed your cheeks, you are yet to taste life.

Path: The path is the destination and the destination is hidden in the path as the creator is hidden in the creation.

The highest is also the simplest.

If you carry with you, what we are calling as Isha, right things start happening.

Being together is the beginning. Working together is the middle. Dissolving together is the ultimate.

Individual salvation is the only way for universal salvation.

Fear: If a person has no hope he is truly blessed, because that person has no fear of failure. Fear of missing out on something is totally not there in a person who doesn't hope.

If you want to enjoy the boons that are outside, you must do something about the inside. Otherwise, everything bypasses you

Truth: You cannot get to truth. You can never get to truth, but you can become truth.

Truth is not a conclusion. Truth is not somewhere you go. It is not a destination - it is just a living experience.

You can’t interpret truth, you can only experience it. You cannot understand truth; you can only dissolve into it. It’s not something that you grasp; it is something that you merge with.

Love is work in motion. Work is love in motion.

Only a man who works with intensity can know what rest is.

Work is an expression of who you are, so who you are needs to be worked at.

The Bliss of work is known only to those who have no need for action.

Today, with the tools of science and technology we have brought ourselves to a self-threatening situation that everybody in the society needs to turn spiritual; otherwise there is no survival for this world. With the kind of equipment, and capabilities that we have, it just takes one fool to blow it up- and there any number of those fools standing in the queue to get to the top.

Crazy Heart

2010-06-12T08:06:00.003+08:00

I got introduced to a performer and found this song. I must say, this must be Bente's song :)This could have been mine years ago.

Just Say When
by Kate Micucci

We could be
Better than we were
If you could only see
I'm different than before
Best believe that I will never knock upon your door
But then again
You just say when

Look around
And everything has changed
Some things gone
And some things rearranged
If I ever called you
Would you think it's strange?
But then again
You just say when

I will lay down
And whisper softly words unsaid
Wonder if you look the same
Would you even know my name?

I'll be fine
Two feet on the ground
But no one knows
When no one's around
Write you out a story
Read without a sound
But then again
You just say when

We could be
Better than we were
If you could only see
I'm different than before
Best believe that I will never knock upon your door
But then again
You just say when

But I am Old Enough...

2010-06-09T21:33:00.003+08:00

"I've only had a chance to speak with Manager X and Manager Y, but both were very, very impressed with Karla. They said she came to the booth, introduced herself to everyone on her own, asked lots of good questions, was inquistive, did not get in the way of clients, did not become someone that needed to be looked after, etc. All very geniune comments actually giving benefit to Karla, who was professional and more mature than others' of similar age."

But what do you people think is my age?

*Names in bold are not their real names, fortunately.

6.8.10

2010-06-09T13:22:00.007+08:00

Why do you say such things to me? Do they mean anything other than what is safe in the measure of friendship? Why suggest how to sit my date when you are sitting across me? Why read my messages and tease me with those three words from your own mouth?

In any case, on this date I got a text message and an email informing me that my shoot schedules were moved. And I literally was jumping, all giddy about it. At the back of my head, I was affirming it was destiny's way of unfolding itself into somehow making me end up where I actually wanted to be. That time, that future, I am hoping to spend with you. But then I got to thinking, does it really matter if we do not spend time then? Because we have met and we have spent some time together today, and isn’t this the point of living? To live life a day at a time, going to bed with a good memory that has hopefully made one more human than the day before? But then if you ask me if I had the power to change the details, to actually take steps that will ensure my path leads to you in the future, I would give you a calm "yes," only because I am the kind who would not want to give up on something that I feel is awfully right.

"How much of our lives then is shaped by our choices and decisions? How much of it is shaped by fate?" asks Bente. But if you and I are bound to meet in that future, there are still questions that need to be answered: "to what end? To what purpose?" I certainly hope not for anything that will make me more human by making me feel really lonely after you leave. Or more human by making more confused than I already am.

Like vs Can

2010-06-04T15:03:00.006+08:00

This conversation began with a shoutout "Hey, can I kiss you? We know each other so this has no malice." Intrigued, I asked and found out it was addressed to a girl who can kiss with no malice, which is a trait of a liberated woman according to JR (part of his real name).

JR: She's frustrated. She was emphasizing that she's 30 but still single. Why can't she be like you?
Me: me? be like me in what way?
JR: not feeling any pressure despite that you're 30+
Me: hahahahaha
JR: by the way *** was there last night...
Me: wow. and so?
JR: hmmmmmmmm....never mind..hahahaha
JR: it's just that we're having a love talk....
Me: *laughter*
JR: I just had to mention that
JR: *grins*
Me: and then?
JR: that's it... *takes a bow*
Me: hahaha
Me: I think that girl isn't pressured. Just because she is liberated doesn't mean she is pressured
Me: liberated is not equal to pressured
Me: get it? hehe
JR: hahaha..got it!
Me: this is more like a conversation about "like" and "can"

Gusto vs Kaya

hindi lahat ng gusto e pde
hindi lahat ng kaya ay tama
hindi lahat ng gusto e kaya
hindi lahat ng kaya e gusto

*bow*

GOAL: Play this!

2010-06-04T00:36:00.003+08:00

CHASING CARS
by Snow Patrol

A E D A
We'll do it all, everything, on our own.
A E D A
We don't need anything, or anyone.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.

A E D A
I don't quite know how to say how I feel
A E D A
Those three words, I said too much, but not enough.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.
A E
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
D A
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

A E D A
Let's waste time, chasing cars, around our heads.
A E D A
I need your grace to remind me, to find my own.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.
A E
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
D A
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

A E
All that I am, all that I ever was
D A
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
A E
I don't know where, confused about how as well
D A
just know that these things will never change for us at all.

A E
If I lay here, if I just lay here
D A
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world.

What Is?

2010-06-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

I just had an epiphany. Love is didactic, dialectic and yes, rhetoric.

Falling Slowly

2010-05-22T20:12:00.001+08:00

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Predictions for May 2010 (Chinese, Earth Goat)

2010-05-11T14:33:00.004+08:00

"May doesn't look nearly as mad as did April for Goat people. You have begun to feel stronger about how to cope with the eccentrically erratic mood of the Tiger year. The first eleven days of May, Mercury will still be in retrograde mode. Don't go vowing undying fidelity or committing to a contract you can't get out of easily until at least the 12th. After that you can begin to live almost normally again. The shock of the hectic pace of the Tiger year will have completely worn off. Take yourself by the hand and wander into to the nearest church, temple or mosque to thank your lucky stars you made it. Then, get moving on your pet project. If your paying job takes all of your time during the week, you still have evenings and weekends to attend to that creative matter you are so keen on completing. Whether you're painting or sewing or building tree houses, you want the result to be not only practical - but aesthetically pleasing. Nobody does things with his or her hands better than you. This month, try to fend off all interlopers. Reduce your social life to near zero and stick to that workshop or studio against all odds. If your love sector is only slouching along it's likely because you have difficulty understanding what the other person needs from you. You are such a dreamy soul that you often forget you aren't alone on this earth. The person who loves you most needs your attention. A pat on the head (or behind), a bunch of flowers or a bottle of fine wine is a good start. But your lover needs your voice too. Speak up and say I love you. What does it cost? Nothing. Take care with the feelings of family members. You have an older relative who wants to know that you are just fine. Give them a call to reassure them. At the end of May you will be contacted by someone important in your network of acquaintances. They need you for a particular favor that only you can perform - a handyman job or some artistic endeavor. Agree to do this for them. They will return to favor tenfold."

From this application.

Cyber World Mask Rocks!

2010-05-07T12:49:00.005+08:00

Today, I have successfully prevented a potentially heartbreaking process, I think.

I have been wanting to do something about you. I cannot keep you, that I know. I don't want to be haunted with sadness when you leave. I do not want to keep good memories of you. When I think about it, no, I don't want to be just a friend. Well, not at this point at least. Eventually, maybe. Because you are a good person. And I like you very much. But it's not the usual "like" and that's why I don't like it.

I hope I have been all the things a guy will not like in a girl. I have shown you emotional, talkativeness and overzealousness. True, at some points,I may have shown parts of the real me. The point of it was to deliver them consistently, continuously and in huge portions.

I hopefully have FOCUSED on you enough to make you not want me in your life. That way, I have no choice.

I want to think straight and not smile when moments with you cross my mind. They keep coming quite often. In repeats and they drive me crazy! I have to take matters into my own hands. I am the only person who can change how I am.

I know I either have to be too proud or you have to make the choice to walk away from me. While it is possible that I will run after you (which I pray my litttle pride will prevent me from), the latter is still easier. I have come to a point where my walls are down and am being torn apart. And the little strength comes from being a girl. And so a girl, I have become.

A sad one.

If We Were Herbs...

2010-04-13T02:50:00.004+08:00

Will we be rosemary and thyme? (Got exposed to this wonderful combination this year)

I just wanted to put it on record that I have developed an attachment. And I am not quite sure if I really want it.

"Hindi naman kailangan ng maraming tao para bumuo ng mundo e.. minsan isang tao lamang ang kasama mo, buo na ang mundong kailangan mo habambuhay." - via Payong Bob Ong.

I wish I could read people's minds.

Quoted

2010-03-29T10:08:00.001+08:00

"When the person you're attracted to attempt bold gestures, it's generally considered romantic. when the person you're NOT attracted to do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho" - David Ty, one of Bente's favorite men.

This was his reaction to Sarah Jessica Parker's "When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho." Gender, he says, has nothing to do with it.

I thank God for smart friends.

Am I unfeminist?

2010-03-28T23:48:00.001+08:00

"Relationships are overrated. Just look at all the long relationships around you. According to my observations most of those are bitter, conflict-ridden, power games." - Hosep

Still, I want one. I think.

What Women Want

2010-03-14T11:44:00.004+08:00

While in a public seating area at Fort Bonifacio Global City, I was asked what I was looking for in a man. The first thing that came to mind was "tall" which I think by instinct would be the safest answer ;p I know I have tried making a list of the qualities I wanted (you know, the kind of list that you check specially when a guy is giving you a hard time and you want to strengthen your resolve to forget him).

I found this very interesting article and wrote this summary (and some personal insights why I think the points make a point).

1. Return her messages and may I just add, do so as soon as you are able to. It doesn't have to be profound, only sincere.
2. Kiss her for no reason. Or hug her for no reason. You can give out a hug without people giving you a "lool" but still be able to show the genuine desire to feel closer.
3. Dance with her. We won't criticize you if you can't lead but as long as you are able to stand there and be game to dance for a girl, that should do it. It's not the moves but the thought that counts.
4. Dress up for her. Specially for non metro sexuals, this can be highly appreciated. Better yet, get her opinion.
5. Remember random milestones. Ah yes. Stuff like where you both saw the first ever cue to a men's toilet that she had to wait for you.
6. Take on an activity with her. She may have traveled the world, but not with you, yet.
7. Propose a visit to her family. We tend to really fall for a man who can get the family to like him.
8. It's the little things.

And may I just add, mind your timing. It's not everyday we get sick. It's not everyday we feel bad. But when we do, please be there for us. In this world where women are deemed to be independent, know that we are not perfectly independent. We want to know that you are someone we can depend on during the times we need you to be.

Cleaning my yellow plastic case...

2010-02-16T15:15:00.003+08:00

This photo was taken when my grandmother died back in 2004. The wake became a reunion venue for us. It has been a while since we have had a really huge reunion.

When I was younger, I have always heard two things from my grandmother. One is that time is gold and the other is that, money cannot buy happiness. To the first, I fully agree. I am even an advocate of that the greatest gift anyone can give is their time. Once spent, you cannot take it back or earn that time back. To the latter, I would say, sure money doesn't buy happiness but neither can poverty.

Money has been seen as the root of evil. I would say it can do evil but it is not the root. Evil is in the heart of the person who has or wants the money. Money is just a tool. It is just a means of getting what we need, what we desire and the manner by which we do so is a reflection of who we are---good or evil.

The Cure's Love Song

2010-01-10T21:46:00.001+08:00

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Waiting for the Divine Accident

2010-01-06T20:41:00.000+08:00

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.
~ Sir Hugh Walpoe

Iam30soWhat

2010-01-05T11:07:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since we last talked. I didn’t realize it was you in a fake almost Indian accent greeting me a happy birthday. Seriously. I thought you were someone else. Realizing you said “you’re in Abu Dhabi” and finally figured out who you really were, I was half relieved.

Being 30 and single isn’t bad, I figure. At least, I don’t have a girlfriend of several years who is 28 (read: marrying age) and I was still calling my ex half-way around the world. The last bit of that sentence I didn’t tell you because, hey. I am an adult. I know when to stop haha

V, you never fail to amuse me. See you in June.

Hot? Actually, I want to stay cold

2009-11-11T04:30:00.003+08:00

Thanks Michael for the lyrics and the MP3, too =)

Hot and Cold
by Kate Perry

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now your plain boring

I should know that
You're not gonna change

[CHORUS]

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

[CHORUS 2:]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down, down...

Eric Northman vs Michael Westen

2009-08-29T06:36:00.003+08:00

I am hooked on Burn Notice's Jeffrey T. Donovan (I found out he's born May 11, 1968) and True Blood's Alexander Skarsgard (younger, to my surprise, and born August 25, 1976).

I like how Michael is tough, smart and funny, and how he cried when he thought Fiona was dead. I like how Eric, despite the fact that Bill gets the bill, he still manages to shine. I so think he is deadly handsome during the scene in the department store where Bill was choosing clothes. How can I ever finish writing when Eric's overwhelming presence makes me look at the television?

You Belong with Me sigh

2009-08-10T17:14:00.001+08:00

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

---This song by Taylor Swift is stuck in my head. I know to whom I can sing this although, am not sure if she is a cheerleader. I was :P ----

Feeling Lazy to Work? Here is what to do

2009-07-26T13:04:00.002+08:00

This was emailed to me. I will translate this to English as soon as I have time to.

Meanwhile, those who can understand it, enjoy!

ANO ANG DAPAT GAWIN KUNG TINATAMAD MAGTRABAHO?

Sa buhay empleyado merong dalawang pagpipilian kung tinatamad kang magtrabaho.

A. Una ay umabsent.

1. Kapag umiikot na kaagad sa katawan mo ang katamaran pagkagising pa lang sa umaga ay mag-isip ka na kaagad ng palusot kung bakit ka aabsent. Paalala: dapat ay memoryado mo ang mga dahilang nagamit mo na dati (tip: gumawa ng isang logbook) ng sa gayon ay hindi ka parang sirang plakang nag-uulit lang lagi ng rason ng di pagpasok. Alalahanin na tuso din ang mga bossing.

2. Kapag nakaisip ka na ng magandang dahilan ay agad mag-text o tumawag sa bossing mo, the earlier the better. Kung ayaw mo ng madaming tanong e mag-text ka at kung nais mo namang tumawag ay siguraduhin mong magaling kang umarte kagaya ng kung ikaw ay kunwaring me sakit ay umubo ka ng paunti-unti habang kinakausap ang bossing mo.

3. Matapos mag-text/tumawag ay bumalik sa higaan at magplano ka na ng gusto mong gawin sa buong araw. Malaking posibilidad na magtutulog ka lang buong araw. Sya nga pala, kapag tumawag ang opisina sa kalagitnaan ng araw, laging tandaan ang rasong ginamit (consistent ka dapat), maaari namang i-off mo na lang ang phone mo para hindi ka maistorbo buong araw.

BABALA: Siguraduhing regular ka na sa kumpanyang pinagtratrabahuhan kung ikaw ay mag-aabsent.

B. Pangalawa ay pumasok

Eto ang dapat gawin ng mga empleyado kapag tinatamad magtrabaho pero ayaw umabsent. Ang mga taong ito ay nuknukan ng kapal ng mukha. Ang mga sumusunod na instructions ay napakasimple pero effective. Meron ding oras na nakatakda, magsisismula ng alas ocho ng umaga at magtatapos ng alas singko ng hapon.

1. Pumasok ng sakto sa oras. Huwag kang male-late at huwag ka din namang excited masyado. 8:00

2. Pagdating mo sa opisina ay ilapag mo lang kaagad ang gamit mo sa lamesa at magtungo kaagad sa pantry. Magtimpla ng kape o kung anuman ang iniinom mo pag umaga. Habang nasa loob ay makipag-usap sa mga tao doon, patagalin mo ang usapan (tip: pag-usapan ang mga headline ngayong araw o mga nangyari kahapon sa loob ng opisina). Kung walang tao sa pantry ay mag-yaya ka ng kasama bago pa man pumasok doon. 8:00-8:30

3. Matapos sa pantry ay magtungo na sa lamesa mo dala-dala pa din ang kape, ito ay para hindi ka antukin buong araw. Buksan ang computer. Matapos nito ay buksan ang mailbox mo. Basahin ang mga email mapabago man o luma. Buksan lahat ng pwedeng buksang attachments, makakabuti ito sa pagpapatagal ng oras. O kaya naman ay mag-email ka sa mga kakilala mong matagal mo ng di nakakamusta. Kapag di ka pa nakuntento ay gawing chat ang email (ito ay sa kadahilanang banned na ang halos lahat ng messengers sa mga kompanya pati google talk di pinalagpas, mga hayop na IT yan). Pano? Mag-email ka sa kakilala mong alam mong merong access sa internet sa mga oras na yon tapos antayin ang reply, wholla! Instant chat session. Sya nga pala, habang ginagawa ang mga nasa taas ay huwag makakalimot inumin ang kape..lalamig ito. 8:30-9:30

4. Matapos ang makabuluhag paggamit ng computer ay magdala ng mga papel-papel at magtungo sa kung saan mo man nais. Mas maganda kung mukha kang aborido hawak ang mga props mo habang papaalis ng lamesa, ito ay para sabihin ng bossing mo sampu ng kasamahan mo sa trabaho na busy ka lagi. Magtungo sa ibang department na me kakilala at makipag-usap ng kung anu-ano. 9:30-10:00

5. Tignan mo nga naman. Alas dies na! Break time na ulit! Pagkatapos mag-lamyerda sa ibang department ay magtungo ulit sa puwesto at ibaba ang mga scratch paper na props. Dalhin ang tasa sa pantry at magtimpla ulit ng panibagong kape, libre ang kape kaya magtimpla ka lang ng magtimpla. Magtungo sa labas kung ikaw ay nag-yoyosi kung di naman ay manatili sa pantry at makipag-usap ka na lang sa mga tao doon. 10:00-10:15

6. Pagkatapos ng break ay bumalik sa lamesa at humarap sa computer (huwag ng magdala ng kape sa lamesa tama na ang nainom mo, sisikmurain ka na sa sobrang gahaman). Tapos ka na sa mga emails mo, ngayon naman ay mag-internet ka na lang ng kung anik-anik. Pero bago mag-internet ay magbukas ka muna ng office document kahit wala kang balak gawin ang mga ito, makakatulong ang documentong ito mamya. Tapos ay mag-internet ka na. Paalala: dapat ay alerto ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo, kapag alam mong me padating pindutin ang ALT at TAB ng sabay. Ito ay para makapunta sa office document na binuksan mo kanina. Kung mabagal ang iyong reflexes ay dapat mabilis ka sa paggamit ng mouse para ma-click mo agad sa taskbar ung documentong nasabi. Kapag na-master mo na ang technique na ito ay di na mapapansin ng bossing mo na nag-iinternet ka lang sa mga oras na ito. 10:15-12:00

7. Tama na muna ang computer. Lunch break na! Alam mo na ang dapat gawin. 12:00-1:00

8. Pagkatapos kumain ay gawin ulit ang #5. Habang gingawa ito ay maglabas ulit ng mga scratch papers na para bang me hinahanap. Tandaan na dapat seryoso ang mukha mo habang gingawa ang mga ito (tip: ikunot ang noo para makakuha ng mukhang seryoso). 1:00-3:00

9. Break time na ulit. Ang bilis nga naman ng oras. Hala..punta na ulit sa pantry. Maaari ka na ulit mag-kape at makipag-chikahan. 3:00-3:15

10. Bumalik sa lamesa at guluhin ito sa pamamagitan ng paglabas ng sandamakmak na mga papel. Tapos ay gawin ulit and #5. Tignan ang oras sa computer mo. Kung 4:30 na ay simulan mo ng ayusin ang ginulong lamesa. Mag-ayos ayos ka na din ng sarili. Kung kasing kapal ng adobe ang mukha mo ay magtungo ka ulit sa pantry para mag-kape (tandaan na dapat me kasama sa pantry) o kaya naman ay gawin ang #3. Matapos ang lahat ng ito ay umuwi ka na, para mo ng awa wala ka na ngang silbi ay nangdadamay ka pa ng iba sa katamaran mo. 3:15-5:00

Toast to Whatever

2009-06-23T13:42:00.003+08:00

"To destiny, may we recognize it when we see it. To love, may we stay away from it when it's no good for us."

I have these lines written in a notebook (2007), on a To Do page. Somehow, even if a good 2 years have passed, they still are valid.

I am trying to remember where I heard them. Maybe I will google them later.

I Still Believe

2009-05-22T06:45:00.002+08:00

For some strange reason, this song keeps playing in my head. I had to get it out.

The song that says it all, (well at least for me)when I think about Miss Saigon.

I need to...

2009-05-21T06:04:00.001+08:00

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.What you are in love with, what seizes your imaginationwill affect everything. It will decide what will get youout of bed in the mornings, what you will do with yourevenings, how you will spend your weekends, what youread, who you know, WHAT BREAKS YOUR HEART,and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide EVERYTHING. "

- Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Courtship 101

2009-05-05T14:26:00.002+08:00

Alich emailed this to everyone in our e-group. This is funny and amusing.

Dear Mr. Bob Ong,

Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong chik na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.

Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?

In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one?

Lubos na gumagalang,
-MATT -

- ANG REPLY -

Dear MATT,

Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at suman mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?

Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na LANG talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:

1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.

Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”

3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”

4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.

5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”

6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”

7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit.

8. Itext mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”

9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”

10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”

11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"

12. Pagkatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"

13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bkt? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."

14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”

Handang tumulong lagi,

-Bob Ong-

Paano ba ang magmahal? (Bob Ong)

2009-04-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo...Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay!

Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakata kot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

I Dreamed a Dream

2009-04-16T10:36:00.002+08:00

(I was watching CNN and a story on Britain's Got Talent Audition went on. Heard this amazing song AGAIN from Susan Boyle. From Les Miserables)

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Random Ramblings

2009-04-14T04:12:00.003+08:00

This blog has always been a way for me to let people know, myself included, how I am at certain points of my life. This has been a way of expressing unrequited love, healing and the like.

My Recent Random Ramblings:

Love and the relationships it creates has always been a fascinating thing for me. Growing up in a family that was not what the Catholic church will call “normal,” it was difficult to say what it was. All I knew was what it was capable of doing and man, while it can build, it can also destroy. Eventually, I concluded that love is a decision. It is a decision to stick it out with the boy/guy I loved despite the fact that he was beginning to see someone else. It was love, I told myself, that is why I allowed him to keep me close despite the fact that he already had a “hunny.” Maybe it was. Maybe it was just my stubbornness.

This is who you are, this is what you do, and this is why you do the things you do. But despite these, I still love you. You may hurt me, forget me or annoy me, but they don’t change the fact that I do love you. I can choose to stay. Or I can just leave. Either way, I still love you.

I do not want to be an extra in your life. I am either part of it or not. I am not made like you. I cannot give my heart, without my body and my soul. It is a terrible thing that I have reached this point that I have to ask you if I am part of you or not. If I am, then be fair. I do not ask for what is impossible because there is no point in asking. I only ask what I think is due me, what you promised is for me. I do not ask for marriage. I do not ask for all of your time. But I hope you understand that the same way you make time for the people that are important to you, I expect you to do the same for me. You say “I want us to spend as much time as we can together,” and this is also what I want. But it is not enough that you say it. You also have to be willing to make it happen. And if you are with me, don’t just give me the remnants of your day. We don’t spend every day together so it should be understandable if I want the few days I have to actually matter.

If I am not, then be man enough to just admit that you just made me believe we had a chance to forever.

Brown Penny by William Butler Yeats

2009-02-20T16:15:00.002+08:00

I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

Woke up quite early today. Watch two DVDs with my uncle: Nanny Diaries and Must Love Dogs. The poem above's from the latter.

But it was the first that moved me to tears. Pfff.

Yes, that was a DAMN vampire movie

2009-02-09T20:01:00.006+08:00

This is a long overdue post I wanted to write.

When I read Tweet's entry about the movie Twilight which you can read here, I made a resolution to watch it. I wanted to know if this movie, a vampire-human love story, will make me feel kilig.

And it did. Probably not during the same sappy moments that most teenage girls like but during this one scene when Edward played the piano. It is not everyday you find a vampire who can play a piece named after you. *sigh*

I went with my youngest brother. Last December 3, 10 pm and I sat in H12 of Eastwood Cinema 2. How do I remember these details? I kept the ticket and I am looking at it now. This ticket will go to the trash in a few minutes. After I finish this and my last Toohey's New draught beer for the night.

With the difficult times I have been through, I shouldn't be someone who will root for this human-vampire love story. Diyusko naman. Ang tanda ko na para kiligin."I should know better," having been through heartbreaks, major and then some.

Inside the cinema though, I kept my been-there older-woman composure. Sure, there was a youthful, romantic energy in the theater but this did not affect me. Or at least that was how I wanted to look like. But at certain times, I was texting "I love Edward" to Monette who was waiting for me somewhere in Makati. My brother didn't know I was kilig (which somehow made the feeling contained so stronger). It was a moment when I was solely responsible to myself and myself was not particularly feeling good about how myself was feeling kilig. But during that piano moment, I knew that I still was still the same girl who gets kilig even if no one else knows about it. That evens out things. Kilig has its purpose. Made me realize I am in fact, someone whose heart was once broken but is now capable of loving again. As Tweet says "It was really nice to discover that, no matter how many legitimate reasons I have for being otherwise, I will always be that idealistic, romantic girl who would hold out for the real thing—for the thing that was real to her. Because she had decided long ago that nothing less is worth it."

And like I said in this blog last September 30, 2005:

I want REAL love. Consuming, inconvenient, can't-live-without-each-other love.

NEVER BEHIND MY BACK

2009-01-25T12:13:00.003+08:00

If there is anything that I will always be thankful for is that I am blessed with ways of finding out the truth about people and things and situations. It is as if the universe conspires for me to be able to do so. And it is also a curse as I have no reason to ignore it.

I am not the kind of person who says a lot. I will just listen. Observe. I never judge because I do not want to be judged. And it is frustrating for me when people talk behind my back. There are things I do or not do because I am careful of its implications.

Sometimes not making a point is my point.

Gorgeous He Is

2008-11-16T20:42:00.004+08:00

I did receive this email on this guy a year ago (or maybe years ago?) I can't recall and don't exactly know who he is. I hope someone tells me soon.

Yes, the email had someone's photo laid out similarly sans the gorgeous factor. I was thinking, Pol will find him gorgeous, Ho will say that he is delicious and Bente...hmmm I don't exactly know. Bente is a bit complicated. But I love Bente nonetheless.

I was checking my first social networking site and I found out I have been deleted from V's friends list. Told Wab about it but she said someone told her the site is having problems with this feature. Just to make sure, I called V and was informed maybe I did the deleting but I just forgot.

Did I? I can't remember.

The Case of Independence

2008-11-12T04:44:00.003+08:00

My bestfriend got this which made her really cry.

"I don't like to fall in love too deep. I really like you. I don't want to lose you. But I don't want a relationship. I want to be independent. Can you understand that?"

As a matter of fact, no, i don't understand this. But I do admire the courage.

Wanting to see someone as much as you can just because you want to make the most out of the time you can spend together is about OPTIMIZING time. It doesn't mean she wants to spend the rest of her life with you which is what being in a "relationship" is for her. Do you get it? Don't jump into conclusions.

And don't try to hold her hand. FYI, you are sending her the wrong message.

Three is a Charm?

2008-11-09T15:22:00.007+08:00

This post is past due. Wab sent me this site faceyourmanga.com and I did three, one for each of my dispositions in life. Wab, by the way, is getting married in March to the love of her life. I haven't really asked her about this. I am letting it sink in. It is great news and at the same time, it is kind of a hmmm newsflash of another kind.

From this point on, I am introducing a new tag in my posts, Pol a.k.a. "ang may katuwang sa buhay." Went to Mogwai with Pol and Bente last Friday. Pol treated us to a plate of Sole Fillet Pasta. I had rhum coke light, Bente had SML + Vodka7. Pol, 2 SMLs.

I love Fridays.

Click Me!

2008-10-19T21:36:00.002+08:00

How funny is this? I got this as part of a forwarded email. I hope I knew who thought of this. S/he is a genius.

Nha Cretcheu

2008-10-14T14:16:00.004+08:00

A song by Sara Tavares, Portuguese woman of African descent which means My Love (Meu Amor) or My Dear (I will have to find out)

Sair à rua com uma sede imensa
De te esquecer
Sentar-me num lugar com indiferença
Por não te ver
E de repente sei que é isto que não quero
Olhar à volta e saber que ainda te espero
Sentir a sensação de quem não está no seu lugar
Não quero lá estar
Assim...

Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu

Voltar a casa com um sentimento
De solidão
Fingir que estás no pensamento
Sem razão
E de repente sei que é isto que não quero
Voltar a casa e saber que ainda te espero
Fazer de conta que já estou no meu lugar
Não quero lá estar
Assim...

Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu
Nha Cretcheu

E de repente sei que é isto que não quero
Voltar a casa e saber que ainda te espero
Fazer de conta que já estou no meu lugar
E não quero lá estar
Assim...

Nha Cretcheu...

Oo (Yes)

2008-10-13T01:04:00.001+08:00

Oo
Updharmadown

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

The PERFECT Man

2008-09-19T03:51:00.003+08:00

Euro Film Festival

2008-09-17T19:34:00.001+08:00

"Love me less but love me for a long time. - Ismael of the French film Love Songs”

I miss gayness...

2008-09-12T06:40:00.005+08:00

I miss gayness.

I posted this earlier this year in another site but I feel this should also be here. This is my tribute to all my gay friends who've stuck with me despite my stubornness in love, after, and in between. I miss you guys.

February 25, 2008

So I read these "Glossarychina" from K's site. I'm posting it because I believe it will help promote world peace :) And because Dickie called me yesterday. And because I texted Jin and because I miss Ho. Ano na lang ang mundo kung wala sila? So I don't mind having lots of gay friends. And I'm missing them!

EXPRESSIONS:
"Bona!" - Tanga! (Kasi it's not Promil.)
"Carry.", "Keri." - Pwede na.
"Chever!" - (Expression ni John Lapus pag natutuwa siya.)
"Chos!", "Charot!", "Charing!", "Charito Solis!"- Just kidding.
"Cynthia?" - Sino siya?
"Gravity!" "Rawr-rawr!", "Rowrr-rowrr!" - Grabe!
"Hello Waffer!", "Halloween!" - (greetings of) Hello !
"Imbay!" / "Imbyerna!" - Kainis!
"In Fairview..." - In fairness...
"Juice ko!" - My God!
"Kape!" - (Mag-kape ka/siya/sila nang magising sa katotohanan.)
"Kebs!", "Kiber!" - Wala akong pakialam!, Deadma!
"Ligwak." - Lagot ka.
"Majonga!" - Bonga!
"Malaybalay, Bukidnon!" - Malay ko!
"Malaysia at Pakistan!" - Malay ko at paki ko!
"Malaysia India Japan." - Malay ko.
"Mars..." - "Mare..." , "Sistah..."
"Miss Malaysia!" - Malay ko.
"Namaste!" - Naman!
"Plangak!", "Korak!", "Flangganah!", "Kaplang!" - Correct!, Exactly!
"Psychological!", "Psycholo!" - Kaloka!
"Sushmita Sen." - Susmaryosep.
"Taruz!", "Kabog!" - Taray!
"Touchtone Picture." - Hawakan mo.
"Urky!" - "Kaloka!" (Sosyal version)
"Wa na splok." - Wag ka na lang maingay.
"Wa-i na!" - Wag na!
"Watashi..." - Si ano...
"Wes datis." - Walang pera.
"Wes konowang." - Hindi ko alam.
"Wes piyok." - Quiet lang.
"Wes taoshious." - Walang tao.
"Wit ko bet." - 'Di ko type.
"Wit!", "Wa-i!" - Ayoko
"Wit!", "Wiz!" - Hindi!

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT:
"Girl!", "Lolah!", "Ateh!", "Mamah!", "Titah!", "Sister!", "Mother!", "Bakla!"

PROPER NOUNS:
Ace Sanchez - a top
Aglipay - ugly Pinay ( jowang pokpok na chaka ng mayaman na foreigner )
Ana, Anaconda - ahas, traidor
Anita Linda, Aida - A.I.D.S.
Ate Vangie - gamot pampatulog (Ativan Gang)
Ate Vi - atrebida
Backstreet Boys - cute guys sa likuran mo
Bayombong, Nueva Viscaya - masturbate
Bebang, Mayta - maid
Blusang Itim - mga bakla na gumanda nang maayusan sa parlor
Cathy Santillan, Kate Gomez, Cathy Mora, Cathy Dennis - makati, malibog
Chabelita - chubby
Chanda Romero - tummy (ang laki ng Chanda Romero nung pulis) / an old woman
Chiquito - maliit
Churchill - sosyal
Crayola Khomeni - iyak
Dakota Harrison Plaza - malaki tite
Debbie Gibson - give
Duty Free - maliit ang nota
Ella Mae (Saeson), Ella Fitzgerald, Ella Luansing - state of feeling horny
Eva Kalaw - evak
Felix Bakat - bakat ang tite (sa brief or pants)
Girlie Rodis - babae
Givenchy - give, pahingi
Halls - tsupa
Indiana Jones - hindi sumipot
Janjalani, Pocahontas - bakla na palaging late o indyanera
Jennilyn (Mercado) - cheap, chaka
Joana Paras - asawa
Julanis Morisette, Reyna Elena - umuulan
Julie Andrews - mahuli
Kelvinator, Kelvina - babaeng mataba, sinlaki ng refrigirator
Leticia Ramos Shahani - shabu
Lilet - bading na bagets
Lucita Soriano - loss na, sorry pa
Lucrecia Kasilag - baliw
Luz Clarita, Luz Clarita, Luz Valdez - talo, loss ang beauty
Maharlika, Mahalia Jackson - mahal
Manilyn Reynes - malibog
Miss Nigeria - negra
Murriah Carey, Morayta - mura
Nora Daza - magluto
Oprah Winfrey, O.P.M. - oh, promise me, pangako, utang
Phil Collins - Philcoa
Purita Kalaw Ledesma, Purita Kashiwara, Pureta Malaviga - poor, dukha
Rica Paralejo, Nina Ricci - mayaman
Rita Gomez - naiirita
Ruffa - laklak
Siete Pecados - tsismosa
Thunder Cats - gurang
Tom Jones, Tommy Lee Jones - gutom
Uranus - puwet
Washington D.C. - wala
X-Men - mga dating lalaki
Yayo Aguila - dyahe
Zsa Zsa Padilla - o siya, sige!

ADJECTIVES & ADVERBS
48 years - sobrang tagal
antibiotic - antipatika
balaj, valaj - balahura
bella - boba
bigalou - big
biway, chopopo, guash - gwapo
bongga, bonggakea - super to the max
borta - malaki katawan
boyband - lalaking sintaba ng baboy
buya - nakakahiya
chaka, chuckie, shonget, ma-kyonget, chapter, jupang-pang - ugly
cheapangga, chipipay - cheap, ka-cheapan
chipipay - cheap
chopopo - gwapo
conalei - baklush
daki - dako
dites - dito
doonek - doon
effem - halatang bakla
emena gushung - malanding semenarista
fayatollah kumenis - payat
ganda lang - for free
ganders - maganda
intonses - sira, wasak
jongoloids - bobo
jowa, jowabelles, jowabella - karelasyon, boyfriend o girlfriend
jutay, juts - maliit
kabog, loss - talo
katagalugan - matagal
katol - mukhang katulong
kirara - pangit / maitim
klapeypey-klapeypey - pumalakpak
krang-krang - hungry (same as Tom Jones)
krung-krung - sira ulo, baliw
lulu, tungril, tetetet - lesbian
mahogany, mashumers, ugmas - mabaho
majubis - mataba / gusgusin
matod - magnanakaw
nakakalurky - nakaka-shock, nakaka-takot
neuro - napaisip bigla, mind-boggler
oblation - walang saplot
otoko - lalakeng lalaki
pamin, paminta, pamentos, pamenthol - discreet gay guy
pinkalou - pink
pranella - praning
quality control - maganda ang quality
sangkatuts - marami, isang katutak
shala - sosyal
shogal - matagal
shokot, bokot - takot
shonga, shongaers, planggana - tanga
shonga-shonga - tanga-tanga
shonget, makyonget - ugly
shontis - buntis
sudems - never
tamalis - tamad
urky - nakakaloka
warla - loka-loka, nawawala sa sarili, nababaliw-- isn't it that this means "war" as in mag-kaaway or may tampuhan?
wasok - contraction ng "wasak pag pasok"
wiz, waz - wala
wrangler, thunder(s), tanders, majonders - matanda

NOUNS, PRONOUNS AND PREPOSITIONS
adez, andabelz, adesa, anda, ka-andahan, andalucia - pera
akesh, akembang - ako
badet, dinga, dingalou - bading
berru - beer
borlog - tulog, power nap
bottomesa, bottones - a bottom
bufra - boyfriend
carrou, carosa - car
cheese - chismis
chimi, chimini, chimi-aa, chimini-aa - maid
constru - construction worker
ditey, ditich, ditraks - dito
feelanga - crush
fiampey - singit, etits, flower
garapata - vaklush na punggok na majubis
gardini - security guard
gishi - shabu
gulay, pechay, bilatch, tahong - babae
hada - oral gay sex
hammer - pakonyo effect sa mga prosti or callboy, "pokpok"
havana - mahabang mukha
hipon - maganda ang katawan pero panget
itich, itechlavu - ito
itich-me-how - etits, penis
jipamy - jeep
jowa, jowawis - lover, boy/girlfriend
jubelita - vaklita, batang bading
kat-kat - sosyal na tawag sa katulong
katol, chimay - katulong
kyota - bata
kyotatalet - sanggol
likil, mentos, future - lalaki
merlat, melat, bilat, mujer - babae
nota, notes - penis
pa-uring - a bottom
performance artist - mahilig mag-inarte
potato queen - chink for chinks
red alert - menstruation
rice queen - chink folks who go for white guys (?)
colbam, sholbam - callboy
shulupi - pulubi
shumod, shumodity - tamod
suba, bugarou - cigarette
success story - babae/lalaki na mukhang katulong na may lover na foreigner na masalapi
katuray - baklang mukhang katulong na mataray
tayelz - tayo
variables - barya, coins
wigwam - wig

VERBS
bacstroke - bugbugin
bet, fillet - gusto
bionic, bayas, bayis - magjakol
bona, kimbash, uring - tirahin sa pwet
bongkang, shongkang, tsuplukan - kumantot
booking - to hook up with someone
borlog, tulogsi - matulog
dramamin - umaastang lalaki
entourage, enter the dragon - pumasok
getluck - kuhanin
gora, godelya - go
hada, koflang, kops - suck
jeverly, kalaw, erna - dudumi
krompal - sampal, but with an attitude (kasi may kasamang kuko)
lafez, lafang, lafour - kain
nomo-nomo, normok - inom
payola - pay
rampage - rampa
rendez-vous - takbo
shonggal - tanggal
sight - look
strungga - nenok, nakaw

Pag di niyo nakuha kokrompalin ko kayo.

Lala Just Died.

2008-09-02T05:31:00.006+08:00

Lola (pronounced as Lala) just died. She looked like she was just sleeping, with her usual position of two front legs up. But upon closer look, she has stopped breathing.

She used to live in an exclusive village. My friend Barbie found her and "rescued" her. She was so neglected she had a boy's name. For 10 years she lived with that. It was only after she was groomed (and was nicknamed Kojak) that they discovered she was a girl. Having more than what she can already handle, my friend sent picture messages of Kojak, asking if anyone wanted to adopt her.

Kojak (sent over MMS)

Nobody seemed to want her, said Barbie, when I asked. She was worried I wouldn't like her that she offered to let me take a look before I decide. But I said it won't be necessary. So we picked her up, with a nice note from Barbie that she will be missed. When I first saw her, you wouldn't think she was 10 years old. She was shy but she immediately warmed up to me that of the three people who were there to pick her up, I was the only one s/he didn't try to bite.

It was love at first sight, maybe. Or trust.

And I named her Lola (pronounced as Lala) V*****. We got along pretty well. I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes and these, she had. The first night she spent with us, I almost got angry with my brother who I thought slept through the Smallville Episode we were watching. I heard snoring! And it turned out, it was my dog!

Lola, my shihtzu saved me from spending nights alone in my apartment. She is pretty low-key. She likes SM Bonus dog food and won't even touch Alpo. She doesn't mind if you cut her hair. She's simple like that. She's been to a Kuh Ledesma concert at Eastwood. She also has gone malling and had stayed at Starbucks. She's gone on a road trip, from Manila to Naga City. She has experienced the country, of running and falling into grass (it was so funny seeing her bewildered with the lawn. It was awe and fear at the same time). But being brave that she is, she began to walk. And we ended up chasing each other. I meant she running after me. It was cool that she responded to "Lala" although sometimes she forgot we were referring to her. She was the first stranger I have brought to a family reunion in Legazpi. So yes, she has experienced a road trip from Naga to Legazpi. So yes, she has spent time with my family. My youngest cousins, Stephen and Fiona, had a blast running after her and with her. It was so funny when she stopped, too tired to play, and Stephen begging her to. But she won't budge. Something that I like about her. She stands (okay sits) her ground. If she needs something, she wont stop until you give in. But she's pretty quiet (no complaints about barking) when she's left at home alone. When she needs to pee, she will tell you. She prances and shuffles around. She snores. She sleeps like a human. And she's simple. And pretty. It's been a year and 9 months since we first met.

If myths are true that pets save you from evil things that are about to happen to you, Lola just might have offered her life to protect us.

To Lola, I know we dont have the perfect relationship but I want you to know, I love you. I'm sure you will find Tatad and Tagtag in pet heaven.

Why I Hate You

2008-08-20T15:12:00.003+08:00

This always makes me want to cry. Specially No. 10. Not because of Heath, but because of who I would say it to. If I went to the same college with him, of course. And if at that time I am the way I am now.

I first saw this next video in my hotel room in Waterfront. You know, when you have a room to yourself and you leave the television on to keep you company. So I was trying to sleep and this came out as the top video. I like the rawness of the feelings of the girls here. And the fact that somehow, no matter how older we get, there will always be things that will never change.

I wonder how many videos I can find to say why.

Reading Between The Lines

2008-08-15T02:57:00.004+08:00

"MOVING ON is not about NEVER LOOKING BACK. It's about taking a glance at yesterday and noticing how much you've grown since then."

How profound. I do not know why I sent this. Was I trying to "defend" myself? I don't know. Who cares?

Why Does It Always Have To Be

2008-08-14T23:22:00.006+08:00

"Love is not something that will begin and end in a moment. Like a spark. It's just something we go on to create together."

This line was from Taereung National Village, a Koreanovela my brother bought. He chose it in light of the Beijing Olympics. It's actually short. Just 8 episodes, a far cry from the others we have seen (or in my case started but didn't finish). So short that we finished it in one go. We took turns reading the subtitles (he'd check on his RPG; I'd go to the toilet and pee) . And yes, it made me cry. boohoo. Well, as I may have established before, I'm making up for the lack of tears I've shed when I was younger. And the video here was one of the songs in the series that hit me hard. Sort of made me remember a few months back (April to June).

Cry now, smile later.

pyane--the first Korean word I learned. And it means sorry and all the sh*t and pain that go with it, and all the hope and faith, too. I first learned it with My Sassy Girl, the first Korean film I've ever watched, which I believe I have seen 11 times already. From that time on, I sort of became a fan of their films so I got to see Il Mare and knew what it was before someone thought of doing a Hollywood version which we now know as the Lake House.

I stopped about two years ago when I discovered what MU meant or rather who MU was. This not only broke my heart but also banned anything with "almond-shaped eyes" infront of my BIG, BROWN and SAD eyes.

I know that you don't like that I always, always want to know if you're okay, if work sucks, if you're tired. I know it irritates you. Nakakasakal, I know. But I remember you more than the times I let you know. You used to be the same. But I don't want to stop myself just because I'm afraid masakal ka. I can't lose you because I already did. I won't apologize because I still don't think it's wrong to let people know as much as you can that you think about them. I also know that no matter what I do, or I don't do, they all don't count. If love is a game, and the rules say "don't make yourself always available for someone you love," I'd rather not play.

"true love is different from romantic love"

2008-08-12T23:21:00.005+08:00

This is the scene at my sister's wedding.
She's getting drunk, regretting that she got married for the third time.
My mom's sprouting snakes from her hair in jealousy. lt was perfect ...
We've got three feminine archetypes: The divine whore, Medusa -
- and me. What archetype am l?
- The Virgin Mary? - Thanks a lot, Trevor.
No, the faithful handmaiden. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
lt proves what Jung said all along.
Myths and archetypes are alive and well and living in my apartment.
As l stood beside the altar beside my sister and her husband to be, -
- it struck me that this ritual, a wedding ceremony, -
- is the last scene of a fairy tale. They never say what happens after.
That Cinderella drove the prince mad by obsessively cleaning the castle.
They don't say what happens after because there is no after.
The be-all and end-all of romantic love was ... Mike?
- Sex? - You have sex on the brain.
- Marriage. - But it wasn't always like that.
The 12th century had ''courtly love'', which had nothing to do with sex.
The relationship between a knight and a married lady of the court ...
And so they could never consummate their love.
They rose above ''going to the toilet in front of each other'' love, -
- and went after something more divine.
They took sex out of the equation, leaving them with a union of souls.
Think of this. Sex was always the fatal love potion.
Look at the literature of the time.
All consummation could lead to was madness, despair or death.
Experts, scholars and my Aunt Esther are united in one belief:
True love has spiritual dimensions, while romantic love is a lie.
A myth. A soulless manipulation. And speaking of manipulation ...
lt's like going to the movies and seeing the lovers kiss ...
The music swells, and we buy it, right?
So when my date kisses me, and l don't hear strings, l dump him.
The question is, why do we buy it?
Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love.
That experience makes us feel completely alive.
Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens.
lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn't diminish its value.
We're left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives.
l read, ''When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.''
l love that. His music expresses our need for passion and romantic love.
We listen to La Bóheme or Turandot, or read Wuthering Heights, -
- or watch Casablanca, and a little of that love lives in us too.
So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love -
- when it can have such a short run and be so painful?
- Propagation of the species? - We need to connect with somebody.
- Are we culturally preconditioned? - Good, but too intellectual for me.
l think it's because, as some of you may already know ...
While it does last, it feels fucking great.

Really great script from The Mirror Has Two Faces.
Watch it on HBO this month.

My brother said he watched this movie with my mom at Emily theater. I was wondering how come I didn't go with them? And then I found out it was shown 1996, the year I started as an Iska.

This is the second movie I've seen recently that has Barbara Streisand. The first one, which I also liked, was The Way We Were which was played on our ride home from Baguio.

Sure, true love is different from romantic love but it doesn't mean that true love can't be romantic =)

This is So Cute

2008-08-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!

Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.

If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.

You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Is it bad to think?

2008-08-12T00:23:00.001+08:00

Your Thinking is Concrete and Sequential

You are precise, orderly, and realistic.

You tend to get to the point and get things done.

Difficult, detailed work is easy for you. You take things step by step.

Time limits aren't a problem for you either. You work well with deadlines.

What does drive you crazy is any sort of task that isn't precisely laid out.

You don't like anything to be ambiguous. You prefer to deal with the facts at hand.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Boys are Evil (too!)

2008-08-11T22:06:00.003+08:00

My Wedding Day

2008-08-08T04:37:00.002+08:00

Years ago, I made a plan. Have a boyfriend when I turn 25. And marry him three years later, on this day. August 8, 2008. I was pretty sure I was on track when I found my first real, official boy(without a space)friend on January 8, 2005. It wasn't a whirlwind. It was well-thought of, all aspects considered.

We were classmates in high school. He was the only person who wrote me a letter when I was a freshman. I still remember the paper had a giraffe. I wrote him back but he never wrote back again. We lost contact, with occasional news about him from his siblings who were my choirmates, only for a year or so when he got into a relationship. That said, he fancied me when we were in high school. To cut the long story short, he found me again. He said I was his true love and all that jazz. It wasn't easy but we became a couple. Eight, short months officially.

After 3 years, and eight months, I may have not yet trusted anyone else as much as I trusted him. Which makes me sad sometimes. And yes, made me sad today.

Give me the courage to say...

2008-08-02T15:11:00.006+08:00

...or sing it when the time comes.

The Story of My Life (Abba)
I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
I've played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

The Young Lyricist

2008-07-28T01:04:00.003+08:00

Over You - Chris Daughtry

Saw lyrics in this blog and later, friend asked if I'm a fan of Daughtry. She has a ticket.

We Don't Get Over, We Learn to Live with It

2008-07-27T13:52:00.004+08:00

Friend's name,

been online and trying to work. but three people who have met you are
asking how you are. i tell them you are fine and resist the telling
them i think you are not that fine because you're going through so
much. and now i'm worried.

you have to forgive me if i worry a lot. i am one person who believes
that God sends me people (and sometimes, shit), for a reason.

i know you are going through a hard time right now. you are 25 (i had
my quarter life crisis at your age), recently had your heart broken
(as i told you, although we only lasted for 8 months, i have known him
since high school, he liked me since high school, i am friends with
his siblings, and i know his parents and his parents liked me, I
trusted him completely--in short, he was the last person who I thought
would hurt me the way he did), haven't totally decided of moving on,
have found something you are passionate about but doesn't pay that
well, lost your grandma (i lost mine when i was 24 going on 25) and
work is keeping you sane. You can so totally hate me right now if I
tell you I know how you feel because I've been there. But I won't tell
you that. I personally believe that although there are incidents that
happen to us, we process some of them differently.

What I am going to do for you is share how it was for me. The least
this can do is to provide you something to read during your breaks.
Perfect with techno :) I have numbered them so you can go through it
in sections.

1. This is the closest personality profile I have ever had that
reflected how depressed i was back then. My waist line went from 29 to
26 inches with no effort! I couldnt eat and sleep.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/galing-kay-twenty.html

2. We broke up Sept 24. but it hit me on Oct 31 to Nov 1 (we had a
really loooong talk. I was really crying in public. eew.) After that,
we still saw each other. we even went to Baguio. Yeah. Lame. My
Friendster status was "It's Complicated." It was just so comfortable.
So anyway, this was me before he went to Oman.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/02/why-bora-was-bad-idea.html

3. This was me in June.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/death-by-accident.html

"Parang kang yung kuya ko, 6 months na sila hiwalay ng girlfriend niya
pero hanggang ngayon laging may depressed...gutom ako tsaka
depressed...parang gago."---translation---You remind me of my brother,
it's been 6 months when he broke up with his fiancee but up to now he
still is depressed...[he would always say things like] i am hungry and
depressed...so lame."

Sana may time space warp para makapunta ako sa panahon na hindi na ako
nalulungkot, na tanggap ko na na patay na talaga at hindi lang
naka-coma. Go to the time when I will no longer hope and just pull the
plug to end it all. Euthanasia. Tama kaya 'yun?---translation--- I
hope that time space warp was possible so I can get to the time when I
will no longer be sad, that i have fully accepted that it is dead and
not just in a coma (refering to love like it was a living thing).
Euthanasia. Can euthanasia be right?

4. This was how bad I was at moving on...books were being lent to me
to drive home a point.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/tonight-is-almost-over.html

5. I was so bad I still brought him to Club Paradise in Palawan for a
vacation when he came for a vacation to try prove i'm okay and that
it's okay to still be friends. I got separate rooms for us. but that
was the worst vacation ever. we made a pact but he didn't do the consequence if he broke it which he did BIG TIME. felt sick after. i disliked myself for bringing him there. Palawan was
a promise i made him before we broke up but i still kept it after.
stupid but i am like that. i keep my promises.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/leavin-on-jet-plane.html
http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/what-d-r-e-m-s-may-come.html

6. And this was when the 60-day no contact started. i found ways to socialize

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/why-party.html

7. But I checked his friendster regularly. And i kept coming back to
figuring out who the girl was. Then I found out. I needed MORE work.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/06/its-small-world-after-all.html

8. It was a roller coaster ride by July. Pablo Neruda. Self-talks.
American pie The Wedding made me cry for the most part.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/07/will-you-still-love-me-in-morning.html

9. My 10Hs. One of my self-talks.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006/07/10-hs.html

10. This was me by Oct 2006. More than a year after we broke up.

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_archive.html

11. I stopped blogging. for several months. I kept myself busy but at
the same time, i worked on my heart and my plans which included him
before. When I think about it now, all i really needed to do was to
make the decision. I made myself suffer. hahaha

http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2007/03/got-you.html

12. This was last Easter.
http://caro-mia.blogspot.com/2007/04/easter-thoughts.html

What I did wrong was I always looked at the good memories and pushed
the bad ones back which I think now are as important as the good ones.
We wouldn't have fought to the point that we ended breaking up if
there was nothing wrong.
So anyway, here I am battle-scarred but with so much to look forward to.

And like you, I know I will get to this point. But when and how, that
is all up to you.

I will pray for you.

You have just seen somewhat an outline of a "fiction" book i will
write when I retire to become a full time parent and wife to some
European out there :) or american, or australian. i don't really know
yet.

XXXXX

Caro Mia

Waste Market

2008-07-27T13:15:00.001+08:00

One of my more fulfilling work was when I was with a solid waste management project for Metro Manila. I am glad that it is now more popular with the waste markets set-up in malls. Below is a rundown of the buying prices of "trash."

PAPER:
A. Ledgers (WLB) = P10/kg
- white paper, used or printed bond paper, computer paper, white notebooks (spiral
binding should be removed first)
B. Newsprint (ONP) = P5.50/kg
- old newspapers and magazines (make sure they are not wet, yellowed, sunburned, or
more than 12 months old)
C. Old corrugated cartons (OCC) - sorry, don't know the price for these.
D. Mixed waste = P2/kg
- chipboard (ex. gray boxes), colored paper, colored OCC (ex. Zesto boxes), folders,
newspapers that are more than 12 months old

(For confidential documents, shred them first or have the recycler shred them for you)

METAL:
A. Aluminum = P55/kg
B. metal solids = P10/kg
C. tin cans or "lata" = P5/kg

PLASTIC:
A. Clean PET bottles = P23/kg
B. Dirty PET bottles = P18/kg
C. Transparent HDPE/PP = P17/kg
D. Colored HDPE/PP = P12/kg
E. Plastic spoons and forks = P12/kg
F. Plastic cups = P10/kg
G. Assorted plastic scrap = P5/kg
H. PP straw = P5/kg
I. Orange PVC pipes = P3/kg
J. Black PVC pipes = P1/kg

Some kinds of plastics:

PET = polyethylene terephthalate
HDPE = high density polyethylene
LDPE = low density polyethylene
PVC = polyvinyl chloride
PP = polypropylene

Plastics are usually coded with numbers of letters (look for the triangular recycling symbol). You can sort them accordingly.

Closer

2008-07-24T00:50:00.003+08:00

I was reading my friend's blog and these two songs caught my attention, both from Closer.

Jude Law deserved it. I hope every as*h***e gets what they deserve.

CARAMEL
Music & Lyrics by Suzanne Vega

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.

It won't do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
how I would live with myself,
what I'd forgive of myself
if you don't go.

So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy...

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
what I would give of myself,
how I would live with myself
if you don't go.

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you.

THE BLOWER'S DAUGHTER
By Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

urban dictionary, anyone?

2008-07-05T04:58:00.003+08:00

Lovey 46 up, 4 down

Someone you care for deeply.
A partner who's a constant thing in your life.
A lover who you would give up your world for just to be with them.
The person you love and hold everymorning in their wake, and kiss their cheeks on a chilly morning, just to warm them up with your hot lips.
The love of your life whom you have given your love, your life, your hopes, your dreams, who have stucked with you through thick and thin, dismissed all your flaws and seen through your skin, accepted your errors, fought for your love, cherished you love, understood your emotions and known how to treat you, fill your days with romance and laughter, reciting small poetic phrases from the top of his head just to make you smile and cry, smileing at your mischief and missing you when you're not there, and not changing an inch when you're there.
He is her lovey, don't you know? She's lucky to have him with her.

He is her life, her soul, the very smile she wears in her mornings, her dreams she sleeps with all night, the blanket curved perfectly around her figure, her LOVEY, and she.. His life.

He is Lovey's Lovey Lovey.

It's Because of Harry...

2008-06-30T04:56:00.002+08:00

I'm thru with love
I'll never fall again
Said adieu to love
Don't ever call again
For I must have you or no one
That's why I'm thru with love

I've locked my heart
I keep my feelings there
I have stocked my heart
Like an icy frigadere
For I need to care for no one
That's why I'm thru with love

Why did you lead me
To think that you cared
You didn't need me
For you have your share
Of slaves around you
To hound you and swear
Their deep devotion
Emotion

By the spring
And all it meant to me
It could never be
The things that used to be
For I must have you or no one
That's why I'm thru with love

Why I Think I am Old

2008-06-28T23:52:00.005+08:00

There are reasons why I do feel old, sometimes too old. And this is one post that made me feel, well, old. It's from Dance with Death by Nail Rust. It's one of those thought-provoking entries.

The Booty Call Agreement aka the FB Agreement

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. No sleeping overs-unless it is very good and we have to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public, except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening (when absolutely necessary)

3. No calls before 9 pm--we don't have something to talk about. (but if you wanna get in touch, TEXT)

4. No emotional discussions about where this thing is headed or potential love blossoming etc.

5. No plans made in advance--that's why we're each other "backup" . An out-of-town hook-up is an exception to the rule. Even then, it's a one-time advance call.

6. No baby talk--however,dirty talks is highly encouraged.

7. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK.

8. No falling asleep right after sex--if it's over, we get our asses up and go home.

9. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes the both of us--so no repeat requests.

10. Doggie-style is preferred--the less eye contact, the better.

*Nail Rust reposted this from one of his friend's entries*

So why does it make me feel old? Because I feel I am too traditional to have this kind of "buddy." I know people who can and I respect them for having the courage for such.

There was a time when Fubu was just a brand name. It was only back in 2002 or 2003 when I learned it had a different meaning. Heard it from a lesbian friend who was also kind enough to explain that lesbians were either "butch" or "femme." And stranger things like "open relationships."

Da Who

2008-06-27T06:23:00.001+08:00

Friendster Horoscope for June 27, 2008
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

The Bottom Line
Things will get better slowly in a troubled relationship. You just must be patient.

In Detail
The changes you've been dealing with in an older, more established relationship aren't feeling comfortable right now, but they will feel better soon enough -- just wait a little while longer. Things will get better slowly and steadily. In the meantime, to keep yourself feeling positive about this person, take a walk down memory lane. Focus on the good times and have confidence that the person you know and love will be coming back into your life again, because they will.

Right and Wrong

2008-06-27T02:31:00.003+08:00

One must choose the greater good when more than one absolute impinges upon the situation...

What could matter more than love? Cheesy, perhaps. But my happiness has always been in proportion to how much love I have in my life and keeping the relationships that matter most to me...

There are just so many questions! And while I seek answers to why the person I love left, if that person still cares, what it means when he's "nice" one minute and "mean" the next, and how do I get over the pain of leaving when it happens again and again, I still refuse that all these is a mind game. Love shouldn't be a game.

The Right to be Sad

2008-06-15T21:32:00.002+08:00

Kung alam mo lang kung ano nararamdaman ko. Kung gaano ako katakot na mawala ka. Kung anong nararamdaman ko kapag iniisip ko na iba ang mahal mo. Putek! Oo na, ang kapal ng mukha ko. Kaibigan nga lang pala ako.

Coming Out

2008-06-15T04:20:00.001+08:00

Sabi nila gaga ako kasi daw ikaw ang mahal ko. Nasasaktan na, sige pa rin ako. Madami pa daw iba, lumingon lang daw ako. Oo nga, madami pa nga diyan. Tama sila. Kaso nga lang mahal ko ba?

28 Things the Perfect Girl Will Do

2008-06-15T03:37:00.004+08:00

1. Make you smile.
2. Stick with you.
3. Sit beside you during an important game or do something else besides feeling sorry for herself.
4.Come up behind you and put her arms around you.
5. Give you nice massages.
6. Think you have the nicest arms around her.
7. Worry when you havent called when you said you will.
8. Make you remember.
9. Believe in you.
10. Hold your hand.
11. Pick clothes that look good on you.
12. Whisper how much she misses you.
13. Buy you medicine when you're sick.
14. Eat rice with you even if she swore it off for God knows it makes her fat.
15. Sleep with her head on your arm, behind your back or with her nose stuck on your cheek.
16. Like you through thick and thin, buffed or not.
17. Make you choose the restaurant to eat in and actually mean it.
18. Ask for your opinion on things, big or small.
19. Can handle conversations as well as silence.
20. Look after your family when you're not around.
21. Think about you most of the time.
22. Will let you walk her to the bus station.
23. Will let you carry her purse.
24. Think you are amazing. Always.
25. Doesn't mind paying the bill when you can't.
26. Believe in love.
27. Forgive.
28. Love to love you at all times.

Must Try

2008-06-15T03:11:00.004+08:00

It was Monday. I was alone and I know that I would feel better if someone was with me at the store. I called you up to check why you haven't arrived when you said you'd be there in 30 minutes. "Miscommunication" but you did not make me wait in vain. Thank you.

We ended up at Heaven and Eggs. I had pancakes that had dulce. you had apple crepes. we didnt finish our plates. i ate a pancake and ate the last bites of your crepe. the cherry went on top of my pancake pile which we asked to be wrapped. we went to the Glorietta but we missed the last full show. you led me to a bench near wendy's where i ended up telling you the Sex and the City movie the best possible way i can. we had a grand time reminding each other you are one forgetful person and so i might have done the storytelling in vain...you had doubts about going on a vacation because you do not want to hurt me because things wont change after. you'd still be ... i admire your honesty but not the fact that it is limited to me.

The next night, when after i cried because of your remarks, you said i am your friend and that you hope it was alright.

Two nights later, while we were trying to recall stuff lying beside each other, i amazed you with how vivid my memories were and you admitted how poor your memory was and looked at me "so you better stick around"...

I admit, while I have built a wall between us, you always manage to find a key to unlock the gate. I may never understand what "this is." Weird was the best adjective you could find to simplify it. I know. We are weirdos. That's why I think Taurus and Capricorns are compatible. Horns? yeah. Weird.

Ways to Make A Girl Smile

2008-06-15T03:08:00.000+08:00

1 . Tell her she is beautiful (not fine, or sexy)

2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

6 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

7 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

8 . Write her notes. (she loves them)

9 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.

10 . Play with her hair.

11 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.

12 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

13 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.

14 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

15 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.

16 . Give her piggyback rides.

17 . Bring her flowers

18 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.

19 . Look her in the eyes and smile.

20 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

21 . Kiss her in the rain.

22 . If you're in love with her . . . tell her.

*if you have something to add, just post a comment Ü

None of My Business...

2008-04-25T03:25:00.001+08:00

I Don't Want To Talk About It
Rod Stewart & Amy Belle
C Dm
I can tell by your eyes
G C
That you've probably been crying for ever
Dm
And the stars in the sky
G C C7
Don't mean nothing, to you they're a mirror

F G
I don't wanna talk about it
C Em Am Am/G
How you broke my heart
F G
If I stay here just a little bit longer
F G
If I stay here won't you listen
Dm G
To my heart
C
Oh my heart

Dm
If I stand all alone
G C
Will the shadows hide the colours of my heart
Blue for the tears
Black for the nights
Dm
Well the stars in the sky
G C C7
Don't mean nothing, to you they're a mirror

chorus

chords for verse and chorus, end on G

Stuff I Have Been Meaning to Blog about

2008-04-05T16:10:00.003+08:00

- the interview with Jon Mullally
- the writing of the article on Jon Mullally
- diving in Palawan
- blog entries/reading list for people who have had their hearts broken
- going pesco vegetarian
- thoughts on freelancing

i will find time soon...i hope.

The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

2008-03-20T00:32:00.003+08:00

I am already in my late 20s. Single. Not into dating. With a lot of guy friends. With a number of gay friends. I am already considering my options in life and I found this article, Marry Him!, for lack of a better term, engaging.

But how does one unlearn the "ideals" in order to make settling an option?

Post Awe

2008-03-08T05:33:00.003+08:00

I wanted to go to the Alumni Homecoming. But it fell on the same day of RJ and Vanessa's wedding. The highight of the evening was when PJ introduced me to Marc.Okay. So it wasn't the first time I met him. I actually chatted with him during a C2 event at Eastwood City. But this time, I got to shake his hand (duh) and I was "formally" introduced as a "fan." Okay. It wasn't that bad BUT i didn't want to be introduced anyway. and not as a fan. just my name or that i'm a friend of this and this.

moving on ( i seem to be doing a lot of moving ons these days)...

went to agave with bente and pj. and then pankoy or "sir" as i still call him, followed. we shared two pitchers of margaritas. we had turns talking about stuff before sir arrived but when he did, we got stuck to "navel, big buckles, and nice leather boots" hahaha it was so amusing.

i can't still understand why marc and his ex broke up, though.

Fairy Godmother

2008-03-07T01:48:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I helped made a friend's dream come true. Frankly, it was just a simple dream. She wanted to see ADB and have lunch inside. And so I had to muster a little courage to call a friend I haven't seen in..hmmm...roughly 5 years who works there.

We were supposed to eat there last thursday but had to move it (but I got to eat at Antonio's last thursday instead). So anyway, inside ADB is a nice cafeteria and an executive dining area. I liked the cafeteria better. And the food were reasonably priced. I mean the jello was just P9.00! And they served sugarless dessert. How cool is that!

I am crying now but not because of ADB but because of "My Giant." I know it's stupid and corny..."but we will always have the sunset..." And my brother is laughing at me and at the same time trying not to cry.

The Harding What Test?

2008-03-06T05:33:00.003+08:00

I was opening new tabs when an article on Yahoo! got my attention. It was about a music video that will not be played on MTV for reasons that do not include violence and sex. And so I just had to check it out...

To quote:
"That's because of its strobe effects, which caused the clip to fail the Harding Test -- guidelines established to prevent TV images from triggering epileptic seizures."

I did not know that there was such a thing. I remember during the 80s and when MTV was just starting, I wouldn't watch it. I thought the images were not within my comfort zone. I was quite young then, naturally. But when I was in my senior year in college, we stayed on this channel most of the time specially during thesis time. I don't know if I have grown accustomed to it (proof that liking something can be taught/learned) or was it some some sort of mind programming?

Anyway, we learn something new everyday.

Reducing Stress

2008-03-02T12:52:00.001+08:00

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS ...

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and un clutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try to pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 ... Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
(Romans 8:31)

Happy, Happy

2008-02-25T00:27:00.002+08:00

I remembered this from a Happy Slip video..

SAVE ME by Josh Verdes

Save me
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
She’s got me on my knees
I’m saying baby baby please
Don’t leave tonight without giving me
Some of your lovin’ it makes me weak
Somebody save me

And lately
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
The way her lips just move
The way her hips just groove
The feelin’ I get when she says my name
It’s a feeling that never feels the same
Save me

Coz I found the
Love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
And I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone, oh someone
Save me now

And lately,
I know I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
You’re now that’s all I think about
The next time I can take her out
I really don’t wanna feel this way
But I think it’s already way too late
Save me

I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone ooohh someone
Save me

Coz I’ve been there way too many times before
And everytime I say it’s not gonna work
Not this time so…save me
Just save me
Somebody save me

Yeah…oh ohhh

Coz I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
and I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone…oh someone
I said someone….

Save me now

Save me now…

Coffee Prince and More

2008-02-18T01:49:00.003+08:00

I so so loved Coffee Prince, a Koreanovela my brother got addicted to. We finished it tw0 weeks ago (thanks to youtube). I was thinking it must have been really difficult for the manager to admit he loved Andy when he thought she was a he. I could just imagine the emotional and psychological battle he went through before he finally admitted he was in love with "herm."

So anyway, my brother liked the Korean actress so much he progressed to The Vineyard Man. So okay, the guy in this Koreanovela doesn't look very Korean and not someone you'd easily vote for to be the leading man. He is the underdog in many ways (as opposed to the doctor). Of course, you can't relate. hahaha I wanted to root for the doctor except that his parents were monsters. Which had me thinking (and praying for) about getting a good man and in-laws that like me, at least.

This Took Place Last Dec 15...

2008-02-12T01:44:00.000+08:00

This is inside Cacao at Serendra. I was feeling low. Just came from a shoot (Boracay) and good thing Bente was in the area. She attended the Why Not? talk at Magnet. So anyway, we went to Cacao and she helped me pick some chocolates.

And then, we went to CBTL. While waiting, I opened the box and she would eat half, and give the other half to me. Dark chocolates are really goooood! I loved the sugarfree, with coffee inside nibbles.

What have I been up to?

2008-02-07T03:30:00.000+08:00

Let me see...from Jan 29 to 31, I was in Galera. Saturday, went with Ced, Cez and their 3 kids to Rockwell (i know. it's kind of weird but i do fit into anyone's family easily) I saw Bente and her sister but didn't get a chance to talk. Walked around. Had dinner at Kenny's. we then went to Plato Platina for coffee. Ray picked me up from there and brought me to see the venue he designed in Malate called Socialista. Sunday, I went to get a massage from the new Lotus Spa (Aguirre St.) Monday, traveled to Alabang for a shoot at Multinational Village. It finished early so I had to hang out at Nicky's house for a few hours since he said he'd go to Makati to meet with Jun who came in from China(he HAD TO GO boxing first). So anyway, Monday night we found ourselves at Magnet, The Fort. Rockeoke night. Had a mojito and 3 rhum coke lights while waiting for my guy friends to sing. But never actually heard them since there was a long cue of people who wanted to sing with the band. Kim H, Wong, Gio, another guyt, and my good friends nicky and jun.
Iniwanan ba namana ako ni Nicky. So anyway, saw a lot of familiar people there. Later, rode with Tata to Party Avenue. And after a beer and a half glass of Kahlua, went home.

The Year That Was

2007-12-27T09:12:00.000+08:00

I am one person who is guilty of saving old messages in my cellphone from people who became really special to me and messages that were very apt during the time I received them (like a cosmic thing). As for the first reason, everytime I read these texts, I feel a certain in-between feeling (I remember the happy times together and the sadness when it was time to let go). Basta. It's like I'm keeping a log of the things that happened to me based on these messages. The oldest I have is year 2005 pa.

Since I can't forever keep these messages, I'm putting them here. Some people ask, why do you share your life to the world? My first reply to that is "I'd rather tell my story than have someone else tell it for me. My other reply to that is "because I can." And the third, I cannot tell.

Here goes:

"Life is simple. If it rains, at least we don't have to water the plants. It's a matter of seeing things in perspective. The benefits may not be immediate. You have to know this for sure: there will be problems, struggles. Have faith. Enoy life. Take it easy. If today you are picking the grapes, tomorrow you will drink the wine. Happy birthday. Love you."--my greatest fan

2 missed calls --26 Dec 6:17 am
*alright. this is not a text message but there was an exchange after so I'm logging it here hahaha

"Yo merry xmas! Wag mo na isiPin si scott berger." -- topdawg, 25 Dec 12:37 am
*i super laughed after I got this from my "bestfriend" (defining best is difficult these days. but he got this title because back in college, we would exchange the Magnolia ice cream commercial of "sinong bestfriend mo doon? syempre, ikaw lang" lines. And alright, I know if not all, almost ALL of his secrets and we treat each other as equals). i thought it was very thoughtful of him to really compose a message just for me. and a funny one, too.

'i have a sneaky feeling that love is actually all ar0und.'- hugh grant in l0ve actually. Merry xmas!-- Pol, 24 Dec
* I replied to this with "asan?!" and she texted back why is it that everyone (i'm betting she was referring to her single women friends) she texted, that was the answer. hahaha

"Mama's 12 xmas wishes for one of my beautiful children: happiness deep inside; serenity in every sunrise; success in every facet of your life; all of us alwayss beside each other; caring friends around your; love that never ends; good health within you; beautiful memories of yesterday; nice days with so much to be thankful for; pathway leading to tomorrow; and great appreciations for whatever you do. Love u po. Hugs, kisses GBU"--greatest fan
*aaaaw.

"Ngayong malapit na ang araw ng Pasko, dalangin ko kay San Miguel na isakay ka sa Red Horse patungo sa White Castle dun sa Barcelona para makilala ang Generoso at mabait na Emperador na si Alfonso at manood ng Matador habang umiinom ng Fundador."
*from Barnard. very "clever" but i bet he just forwarded it to me

"i wish you woke up this morning realizing what a wonderful person you are and the world is blessed to have you as part of it. Relax and enjoy God's blessing! Love you anak. Mwah"-- 27 Sept
*i must have been feeling really down during this time that's why I saved this. most probably one of those blah days at work. I remember I have been wanting to resign since september

August should be interesting.And my July was super eventful so i have to reserve that for another post.

What was I thinking?

2007-12-25T18:33:00.000+08:00

He's a guy for crying out loud!

Recent tags really got the message across. So you are quitting now?

Songs that will always remind me of you:

Say It Right (Nelly Furtado)

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

NEYO's All Because of You
Want to but I can't help it.
I love the way it feels.
This got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it.
I want it when I don't.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday,
Knowing that I won't

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I.. (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,
Taken by the thought of it..(mmm mm)

And I know this much is true (mmmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you (mmmm)
I can barely move...but I like it,

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug. (Oowuuu)

[Verse 2]

Think of it every second,
I can't get nothing done.
Only concern is the next time, I'm 'gon get me some.
Know I should stay away from,
Cause it's no good for me.
I try and try but my obsession, won't let me leave.

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if I would quit
But I doubt it. I'm taken by the thought of it. (mmmm) (heeyh..)

And I know this much is true, (mmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you, (strung out on you..)
I can barely move...but I like it, (but I like it..)

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (all because of you) (aey!)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough (Never get enough..)
She's the sweetest drug.

[Hook #2]
Ain't no doubt.... (no doubt heayh)
So strung out. (Strung out heeayh)
Ain't no doubt....
So strung out. (heahheh!)
Over you,
Over you,(yooouuu)
Over you(yooouuu)...

[Harmonics]
(Mmouhh)

(Because of you)
(And it's all because of you)
(mm)
(Never get enough)
(She's the sweetest drug)

And I know this much is true (Truuuuue)
Baby, you (baby yoou you you you) have become my addiction (become my addiction)
I'm so strung out on you,
I can barely move...but I like it (and I like it..yeaheh..)

[Chorus]
And, then it's all because of you (aey!)(all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough (Oooh never get enough)
She's the sweetest drug,
She's the sweetest drug...

Alcohol cures all

2007-12-18T14:36:00.000+08:00

Who's gonna give a shit?
Who's gonna take the call
Find out that the rule you had
Is painted on the wall
And you turn up to top-volume
You're just sitting there in pause
You fear a little secret
That's scratching at you with its claws
And you're trying hard to figure out
Just exactly how you feel
Before you end up parked, and sobbing
For it on the steering wheel

And who are you now?
And who were you then?
And you've got some
You could just pretend
You could figure it all out
The mathmatics--all regret
It's two beers to remember, now
And five beers to forget
I loved you so what, yeah,
I loved you so what
I loved you so what

Many times undone
One person did
As they're careening through the facade
Of their favorite fantasy
You just close your eyes slowly
Like you're waiting for a kiss
And hope some lowly little powder
Will pull you out of this
But none comes at first
And little comes at all
When inspiration finally hits you
It barely breaks your fall

And who were you then?
And who are you now?
And you can't pretend
That it'll all work out
Subtract out the impact
And the fall is all you get
So here's two beers to remember why
And three more to forget
I loved you so...
I loved you, so what
I loved you, so what